embracing the love

sunday wanderings

2012-01-22T20:35:00.002+03:00

I decided to walk to church this morning. At least the mornings are still a bit cool, and it's a nice change of pace. I figured it would take about 30 minutes to walk and I left giving myself only twenty minutes to get there on time. As I was walking I came across a small group of young women also headed toward town. They were a few yards in front of me and I studied them carefully. They appeared to be karamojong, the outcasts in soroti because of their cattle raiding practices. Each was carrying a jerry can (the bucket like thing that most people use to fetch water). As I began wondering why they were headed in to town to get water, there are plenty of closer pumps around, I noticed they were the jerry cans that had the tops cut off them, thus this meant they were using them for something other than water. Then I remembered seeing women just like these in the main market. They are scavengers. They travel throughout the market, and apparently other parts of town looking for food. They gather fruits that were too ripe to be sold, or too squished or whatever else is no good to someone else and they pack them in their jerry cans. I could tell they had come from a distance because their wraps were draped over their shoulders as if they had left their homes when it was still quite cold. As I followed them I began to ask myself, or God rather, what's the deal, don't you love these, that you just let them to suffer like this...but before I could finish the question, He kindly rebuked me and said, look at your hands and your feet. If everyone who called themselves my followers would truly follow me, there would not be such oppression. These ladies would know that they have a heavenly father they can turn to to provide all of their needs. But because of spiritual, physical, economic, emotional and social oppression these able bodies young ladies are going to spend their morning scavenging for food while I'm worshipping in church. It just doesn't seem right. I don't really know where this blog is going, but it just made me think to see this girls walking in to town, with their jerry cans. Do they feel shame? Hopelessness? Are they tired of always being down and out? Or has it become so normal for them that they just do it without even thinking that much about it? They never noticed me behind them and i was glad for it because what would I say to them? No common language, somehow worlds apart, and how could I express to them all the words and feelings that were building up inside my soul being tossed to my Father. I'm thankful for a Father who is patient with me, slowly revealing to me more about His character and His heart for His children. Lord have mercy on these k-jongs. As they are searching for food each day, let them find your love and truth in those they come across.

a day

2012-01-17T20:42:00.003+03:00

This morning I woke up with the plan of going to Kamuda (about 15km's away from home) to share with a man about Jesus and hopefully pray with him to confess Christ as Lord. I planned to leave at 9am and then be back by at least 1pm. When I first came here, I probably would have estimated that I could be back by 11am, but I've learned a little bit about how time goes here since then. Well, it began when my 13 year old friend Betty showed up at the gate just before 8am, I've taken long with out spending time with her so I asked her if she wanted to go to breakfast in town and then go out to Kamuda with me. She said yes, and then she also asked if Abela could go with us. So we picked up Abela and headed into town. My friend Ruudy also met us at the new restaurant we wanted to try out. We had a quick breakfast, said good bye to Ruudy and headed towards kamuda, we had to stop just the other side of town to pick up Paul, my co-bible-study-leader... We parked just outside his home and betty ran in to see if he was ready, well, she didn't find him, but just as she reported back to us, we heard paul's voice saying "I'm still bathing," and sure enough, he was there in the middle of the bathing area made up of iron sheets and what have you, just outside of his home. At least we could only see his towel and part of his face. I thought since we were already a half hour late he would be ready, but when he finally joined us in the car he reported that he is not feeling well, possibly malaria...hence the delay, anyhow, so we finally head out to Kamuda. We took a different way in order to stop by one of our youth's homes to inform her of a program we're having the following day. We found the home, we sat down under the tree and talked with the mother as she had a child run and get the girl we wanted to see. The girl came and when we were finished explaining to her the program and were about to leave the grandmother comes over. They explain to us that she is not born-again and that they would like her to be, so could we talk with her...so we began sharing with her and after much discussion and reassurance that she should really decide in her heart and not just pray to please people, she wanted us to pray with her to accept Christ. (apparently she had already prayed once before, but then the following week gave-up because it wasn't really from the heart...)We prayed with her and for her and then she left. We were also about to leave when they brought out baked sweet potatoes for a breakfast. After eating we finally left. Then we headed on our way again, but had to stop and inform one more youth about tomorrow's program. Then we had to go to Paul's home to pick up some malaria med's, then we went bouncing down the foot path with my Rav4 to pick up Sam, another board member for the organization that the bible study is apart of (Alive With Purpose), After prayer at Sam's house we finally headed towards the man we originally set out to meet. More bouncing down foot paths, we were finally about to reach the place where we were supposed to meet him and we find he's headed for a burial. It's now about 1:00pm. After some discussion it's decided that we will also attend the burial as we wait for him and then we will go back with him to the other house. So we turn around headed back to the place where the old lady was being buried. It's hard to explain burials here, but try not to picture a large air-conditioned church with seats, especially seats with backs on them. Picture more sitting outside, one person on top of another, all trying to squeeze under whichever shade can be found, even if it means you're so far away you can't see or hear what's going on in the "service." Being a white person, some men cleared off a "bench" for me and my friends under one of the tarps that was hung up to increase the shady area, which was nice, except that we were now 6 people trying to squeeze on a bench that might be somehow comfortable for 4. Granted if it was only 10 degrees or maybe even 50 degrees, it might be desirable to sit so close to someone, however, if it's 110 degrees, it may not be so desirable. The service went on for quite a while. After some time paul informed me that they were now shifting from the funeral service to the burial service, which meant that those of us who were willing were to shift over to the actual grave and stand out in the sun while they try to lower the coffin into the hole in the ground. They began lowering it, but suddenly pulled it back up because the hole wasn't big enough. So we kept singing in the sun (yesterday i put the thermometer out in the sun and it exceeded it's 120 max temp mark) as they hopped in the hole and made it a bit bigger. Eventually they successfully lowered the coffin in the hole and started to cover it back up. It was then that I told Paul we really needed to get going as I had an appointment at 4pm and it was now 3pm. We looked for the guy that wanted us to pray with him and eventually found him amidst the "congregation." After much greeting of people and discussion as to how we should move forward with our limited time we loaded some people in the car (our man being one of them) and we went to the other house. From there we proceeded to share with him about what it means to follow Jesus, and he said his friends, who were also drunkards with him, were already giving him a hard time about his plan to accept Christ today. Anyway, he said the Lord had put it on His heart to accept Christ and he wanted to do it. So we prayed with him and for him. Then as we were finishing to encourage him as a new christian the hosts brought out chicken and atap (local bread) and we ate. By the time we were finished eating it was already 5pm. I was a bit late for my appointment and there was no cell phone coverage in that area with the networks that I had so I was not even able to inform my people of the delay. Anyway, so I said we had to leave, the hosts wanted us to stay for tea, but I told them we could not. We left, ***I was about to write that we put a grandmother in the boot of the car with the live chicken we had got from the first stop we made, when I remembered that there was still a live chicken in my car now at 9:30pm, so now that I've got the chicken out of the car and into its house for the night i can finish up my long story*** We packed the car and headed back, we dropped various people in various places along the way. I finally reached our team leader's home at 6pm where i realized i had missed the other appointment completely, but was invited for dinner and happily accepted as I was too tired to cook anything. Then I finally made it back home. Now time to shower and go to bed. All that to say...well...I don't know what I'm actually trying to say. Maybe I'm tired...

quotable quotes from Obalanga

2012-01-16T14:07:00.004+03:00

I went out to visit some former child soldiers in their homes in Obalanga. It's so easy to say that sentence, but what's involved in it all is so hard to explain. The roads, or lack there of, the heat, the distances, the sights, the poverty, the cooking etc...each thing could be described in so many words, but let me just leave it like that. So we were driving down one of those "roads" that an american would call a foot path and we had just finished eating chicken and eggs and atapa and chai and other things which resulted in very full stomachs. I say we because I was with a local pastor called Samson and a youth leader called Thomas. We had bounced down the foot path for a short distance, when I hear from the back seat, "Remember there is someone in the back seat who has had his large intestine operated on." Granted the man had had a major surgery on his intestine, but a simple, "could you slow down please" would have worked just as well, or maybe even better as it would have taken less time to figure out what he meant by the statement. It's probably one of those had to be there kind of things, but it made me laugh. And laughing here is a necessity of survival.

If I think of the previous conversation that we were having in the hut before bouncing down the footpath, maybe I was ready for some laughter. The father of the former child soldier we were visiting was named Ameru. Yet his son's name was also Ameru. Usually here you find that the child is named after someone that is dead or another relative but not the father if he is still alive. Ameru Sr. explained the name of the son like this, "I named my son Ameru after myself because he was born during the time of the Karamojong cattle raiding attacks and the rebel insurgency so I thought I would die and I wanted him to carry on the name."

The Amerus' family:

Graduation and Business Training

2011-12-28T20:17:00.004+03:00

At the beginning of the month I went to a graduation for my friends in Tororo, (a town a few hours south of Soroti). They have been attending a mission school called Youth Aflame for the last year. They are a couple that has blessed me so much. They are the first people that I have met in Uganda that truly feel called to missions and are willing to sacrifice to take time to go to missions school and live in a one room apartment (think of the room as the size of your bedroom, or a little smaller). They were graduating from their first year and now they have decided to continue on to a second year where they will focus more on missions to our m.slim cousins. They want to use business as a means to reach people with the love of Christ.

While I was there for the graduation we discussed the possibility of having a business training for some of the former child soldiers that I work with. We decided on a group of 25 youth from Morungatuny. The youth came for three days and enjoyed good biblical teaching on the basics of business. They did some big group teaching sessions:

They broke into small groups:

Even some young mothers came (we had 4 young ladies with babies who came), two of them had gone to a tailoring program and were happy to receive some more help in getting their tailoring businesses growing:

After the groups came back together, a leader from each group would share what information the group had to share:

Overall, we had a great time together for those few short days and we look forward to following up with these 25 youth in the future. It was good to see relationships being built and new creative ways of thinking coming out. I'm excited to see how God will use this training and these relationships that were formed in the future. Many of these youth were taken from their homes and from school when they were in their early teens, and after a year or two fighting in the bush some were not able to go back to school, or some got sent for a single year of vocational training or only finished their primary school education. Quality biblical business training is an important step in helping these youth gain freedom from dependency on foreign aid.

life lesson #234

2011-11-27T20:07:00.003+03:00

I just remembered this is a good lesson I learned the other day. So...I was trying to drive to Tororo to meet with a couple (ugandan wife and kenyan husband) who are passionate about missions and business. Tororo is about 95miles away from Soroti, so hypothetically, if one was driving at 70mph on a good road it would take just over an hour and a half to get there. But because of the state of the road it takes at least two hours just to get to mbale which is only around 65 miles away, then you have the other 30 miles beyond that. So, I had started the journey early knowing I wanted to spend as much time with these people as possible that day. I left soroti by 6:45am and after driving for around 40 minutes, the oil light started coming on so I stopped and called the mechanic (i had just picked the car up from him the day before!) and he suggested I come back and not continue on my journey. So i brought him the car and he dropped me on the side of the road at the far end of town to wait for public transport.

There are three main options for public transport from soroti to mbale and tororo. One is a taxi, aka a matatu, aka a van licensed to carry 14 passengers but usually pack in at least 20, aka death trap. Two, a bus, aka big bull in a china shop, doesn't seem necessary to slow down for any bumps, and doesn't mind running people off the road cuz they're bigger than every one else. Three, the back of an overloaded truck, not really an option for me, i've seen too many of them broken down on the side of the road, or rolled over in the ditch...Anyway, I met a man along the road who said he was a broker, whatever that means, and he informed me there was a bus coming soon that was going through Tororo to kampala and that would be my best option for getting there. I knew of this bus, called Post Bus, i'd often wondered at it's bright red paint and the newness look it had to it, thinking it was the best of all the buses that i'd seen (at least externally speaking), so I was happy to think that i might be able to catch that one and cruise on down to Tororo in style and comfort and in a timely manner. I waited for a while, i don't know how long really, maybe twenty minutes, but it seemed long (one man had already asked me to buy him water and suggested that I marry the broker, i suggested he could sell his nice shoes if he wanted water that bad, and I said I wasn't interested in the broker, he said he would sell me one shoe for 10,000, 4$), and i wondered if this bus was really coming. I had watched several taxi's come and go, and up to now i had resisted the temptation to just board a taxi and get crammed in the back with the other victims, or passengers, as they call them here. No taxi would go straight through to Tororo, all would stop in Mbale and then i would have to get another taxi from there. But as i waited the idea started sounding better and better. The man insisted the bus was coming, but i've learned through life experience here that, "it's coming" can mean in a few minutes or in a few hours depends on the person's perspective and general up-bringing perhaps. anyway, so finally when the third taxi came i decided to board and quit the waiting game. I boarded a half full taxi, which was my first mistake, after picking me they immediately headed in the opposite direction that i wanted to go, back into town, to pick more passengers, they wouldn't leave Soroti until we had at least 20 people crammed into that thing. And as we headed back into town, i bet you'll never guess what happened...yup...the beautiful, luxurious, bright and shiny red Post bus comes cruising down the road in the opposite direction. And I was trapped, i complained, i whined a bit, but when it came right down to it, there was nothing I could do. I had chosen my fate and had to suffer the consequences. So after the taxi wandered around town for a while we finally filled up and headed out, after about a half hour drive we had to stop just before a bridge and wait for about a half hour as construction machines were blocking the road. And of course I noticed that the Post bus had made it across the bridge before they blocked it. To say the least I was annoyed. I tried to have a good attitude, and what, but i could only keep seeing that bright shiny post bus cruising down the road, picturing myself comfortable and high above the ground, barely feeling the bumps. Then I would get jarred back to reality, by the crying baby and three other women in my row and the lack of shocks on this particular vehicle. The story continues, but I think by now you get the point. It took 5 hours to reach my final destination in tororo. it's hard to describe the smells, the heat, the bumps, the overloadedness, but try to use your imagination.

so...Let's apply to our lives now. How many times have we heard God say, "wait, I'm coming" and we wait for a while, but then think that we have a better way, a quicker solution, a more profitable idea, and we jump on that, only to find out it's leading us in the opposite direction. Oh to think if we could have just waited 5 minutes longer, or 5 days, or months, or years...whatever the time. What have we missed because we thought we were wiser than the One who knows us, our pasts, presents and futures. I eventually got to Tororo, but it took a lot longer and i suffered along the way. I thank you Lord for your grace that allows us to mess up, to doubt, to head in the wrong direction and yet you still pursue us, still call us back to Your self and still help us get to where you want us to be. Lord, help us to wait trusting You, and that you have good motives and good intentions for our waiting.

new life

2011-11-01T21:45:00.005+03:00

I suppose before i forget i should begin sharing another great experience that i've had at the main hospital maternity ward. After my experience there last year I should have been more prepared for what I would see/experience, and yet still somehow I was caught off guard. This time it was the sister to my ms.l.m friend N from the market. This is S's 8th delivery so she's done it a few times. She had bled long into her pregnancy and so her sister and cousins would joke around with her saying she'd been pregnant for something like 2 years, (it sounds like something like 15 months actually) I don't really know how it's possible or understand it completely, but all I know is what they tell me. Anyway, she's a bit old to be producing, in her 40's, and her last baby was born with the heart in the wrong place and died at birth. So, she'd been asking for prayers for a long time from me, even though I pray in the name of Jesus she doesn't seem to mind so long as I'm praying. When I came to the hospital I found her in the labor room, this is three beds in a room with one incubator for all of the babies. I found S suffering on one of those labor beds. the lady in the bed next to her had just finished pushing out her baby, but S had been told that her baby is stuck sideways and she'll have to go for c-section surgery if the baby hadn't turned by 2pm. So i came around 3pm and found they still hadn't taken her for surgery yet. They said they were waiting for the doctor who was currently in surgery with someone else. It's better if you don't have your baby on a saturday and I hear Sunday is even worse. They told her not to push, so every few minutes she would cry out in pain and try not to push, grabbing the nearest person to her and holding on. In this labor ward, as soon as you're getting on a bed to deliver you strip down completely and you'd better be ready to deliver, they don't have time for you to waste a bed when the head's not practically crowning already. I found when i got there that even the overflow room of three delivery beds was full, and i saw a young woman seated on the cement ground next to S's bed. I asked N if it was one of her relatives or what, she told me that no she was a patient. She was just sitting down and eventually i saw her get up and walk out of the ward, with blood on the back of her skirt. I didn't ever figure out what had happened with her, or if she ever got treatment or not. It's good that S did not deliver at this time as the one incubator already had four babies in it. I don't know if there was room for any more at that time...

Eventually the nurse told us we could move our patient to the theatre, or operation room. So N went and got the trolly and pulled it in the room and she and a couple of cousins helped put S onto the trolly. Her bed was immediately taken over by the next victim, i mean patient...As we pushed her out into the hall, the nurse said we had to wait for her to take us to the theatre, but that she had an emergency case just come in the door so be patient. I watched as two people struggled to lift a very pregnant lady from the ground and carry her into the labor room. So we rolled our patient on the only mostly operational trolly into the middle of the hallway in a room with about twenty beds and forty people. And there we waited. I don't know how long we waited, but it seemed like forever, many contractions, and our poor patient was hot on top and her feet and legs were so cold. And I was about to try to find the theatre myself. I just kept praying life and health over this woman and her baby. Eventually someone else came and showed us the way to the theatre. It's outside down this sidewalk, and then turn to the other side walk then around this building and up the ramp and back to the other side. From there we still waited as they were still organizing from the previous operation. As we waited we began talking with the anesthesiologist, at least that's my best guess as to what his role was in the operation. He said he wanted me to bring him a bible. I said I could try but could not promise. He then asked if I wanted to come in for the operation, I said, yes, I was hoping I could enter, he asked if I would pass out, I said no. We waited a while longer, the family shifted our patient to another trolly, and then on to a metal trolly and then finally they rolled her into the operation room. I quickly suited up, white gum boots, and green scrubs, mask and hat. Once we got her in the operation room, she again had to be put on yet another bed. The anesthesiologist gave her some drug and then put down the breathing tube and started hand pumping this accordian-looking thing and when he plugged in the machine it made the lights go out, but a little shake of the cord and it came right back. She was out quickly and they began to work, cutting her open, and then digging in, trying to find the baby, first i saw a hand, which the surgeon put back in, then a foot, finally, the head and out he pulled her. She whimpered a little and then they cut the cord with her hanging mostly upside down, then the midwife took her and began working on her, sucking out the junk from the mouth. At one point i looked over at the baby and she wasn't really breathing, just laying there and the midwife was pumping some oxygen into her and then kinda hitting her on the ribs from the side. and i was like, oh no, and then i looked over at S and blood started shooting out from one side and i was like, oh no, and then he clamped it and got that bleeding under control and finally the baby started really crying and she was going to be ok. I kept speaking life and health in the name of Jesus. they pulled the uterus out and put it up on her belly and started stitching it back up, then put it back in and stitched up the other layers. as they were stitching the midwife and I brought the baby out to the relatives and they were happy, after a quick photo with the baby

N took her the long distance back to the one incubator. I went back into keep praying over and watching over S as they finished putting her back together. The crew was tired, they talked of gun shot victims from earlier in the day, and the anesthesiologist tried to wake up S as soon as he could. we washed all the blood off her, and eventually she was "awake" enough and we again shifted her to the metal trolly and rolled her out the door into the other room, where the family again shifted her to the other trolly, and proceeded to roll her outside in the rain back to her room, down the sidewalk on the mostly operating trolly.

We eventually reached back to her "room" which is shared with many other people, but at least they have some little money, so they were able to pay for the expensive annex, at the equivalent of 2$ a day. it's a room with only 8 beds, but they are separated by twos, with curtains, so they're almost mostly private...from there the family shifted her again finally to her bed where she proceeded to sleep for some time. As she was coming in and out she began shouting in arabic that Allah is great. over and over. At first the IV wasn't working but after an hour or so the nurse finally got around to coming to get it working, having to switch the IV hand. Wow, i'm tired just reliving this story. Anyway, there's more to come in future, but that is the gist of it. Oh yeah, the baby is too cute, she weighed something like 3.7 kilos, an 8 pound baby, so that's a pretty good sized baby, and rightfully so, being in the womb for as long as she was. And they're calling her smaller Rebecca...not really sure that's a ms.l.m name, but i think it might stick... and a few photos from today, smaller rebecca is now 2 days old...

worlds apart

2011-10-31T22:00:00.003+03:00

A couple of days ago I went to visit the homes of the children that play in my yard. My young friend Betty (almost 13) came with me, as we were bringing food for her family for the month up to her house. Upon reaching her home, she brought the food inside. The grandmother said thank you (the mother stays in the village and the father also lives elsewhere and neither one seems to care one bit about their three-four children). Grandma began talking to me in Ateso, I smiled, tried to listen for a bit, then got up and went to visit the mothers of the other children who come over most days after school. They all live in the same little area. I should have taken a photo, maybe next time. But try to picture...hmm...what to compare it with? maybe like single story apartment buildings, in a row, with 3-4 one room apartments each row...not one bedroom, but simply one room. this is where these guys stay. I greeted one mother, then moved on to another one, and as i sat down to talk with her many children came up to greet me, to shake my hand and to stare at me. I started patting one girl's belly, it seemed she had worms, i was praying for Jesus to remove the worms when Betty says to me, a funny thing happened to that girl, she was raped. I looked at that precious girl, and asked Betty what happened, if it was a relative or what, she said it was some drunk man from the nearby bars, and that he never ended up going to prison. I asked when it happened, she said when she was 3. I asked how old she is now, she said 3 and a half. wow. LORD HAVE MERCY! Then Betty casually mentions that those kind of things happen, where someone does something terribly wrong and then gets little to no punishment. She then proceeded to give the example of the lady who they just released from prison who had buried her child alive...LORD HAVE MERCY! So after this i continued to pray for this small girl, that Jesus would heal more than just worms in her stomach, those were the least of her worries, but heal her wounded soul. After visiting a couple more "houses" i left with Betty. She then mentions as we drive away that she doesn't like a certain woman whom I had just met because she's had two abortions. LORD HAVE MERCY! This group of apartments is less than a mile away from my house and yet it's a world apart. It's no wonder these kids love coming after school to play in my yard. It's just a beautiful green place where a kid can play and be a kid, instead of hearing and dealing with all the crap that is going on in and around their housing complex. Lord, have mercy on these kids, make my home a place of refuge, a safe place for people to come and experience the love and peace that only Jesus can offer. Come and let your life giving presence fill this place.

October 3

2011-10-10T20:49:00.004+03:00

So we found out just in time that Hellen's birthday is October 3, 1979. She was able to ask an auntie who told her the correct date, just one week before the day of celebration. In some sense, I like knowing, now I can be prepared and really celebrate the day, however, I also, liked reminding her that I'm glad she was born every time that I saw her. How precious we are to our heavenly Father, we should be reminded every day, how glad He is that we were born, when we were born, where we were born, in which family we were born into....I leave you with the challenge today...tell someone that you are glad they were born, even though it's not their birthday and remind them of how precious they also are to our Heavenly Father, who has brought them about at such a time as this, and for a certain purpose. I've been learning just how important it is that we speak life into one another's lives. We choose to either speak life or death in whatever we say. Are we overflowing with the Living Water when we speak, or are we allowing the enemy to use our words to steal, kill and destroy? Let's speak life.

ok, so no one guessed the date of Hellen's real birth, therefore no one gets the prize, which unfortunately would have been a brand new helicopter. sorry.

How old is Hellen?

2011-09-23T18:14:00.003+03:00

Everyday that my house helper Hellen comes I ask her if she has found out her birthday yet. I make some smart aleck comment along the lines of, "Hellen! today could be your birthday, what if it's today and I haven't even gotten anything for you?" Then she proceeds to try to call her sister who stays with her mother to find out when her birthday is. Usually the cell network is down so she's not able to reach, then if she gets through to someone either they are out of the house or the mother is. Hellen knows she was born in 1979. But that is all. She doesn't know the month or day, but thinks her mother does. Earlier this week her uncle called me looking for Hellen, after telling him she had already gone back to her home, I asked him if he had found out when her birthday was. He said it was February 2. I began rejoicing that we finally solved the mystery, but then he added, 1975. I remember that Hellen knew clearly that she was born in 1979, so I asked him if he was very sure, he said yes, that that was the correct date. I hung up not super convinced now that the mystery had been solved. I called Hellen and asked her, she stood firm on the year of her birth being 1979, as she said, her older sister, the one that had died already was born in '75. hmmm...so now is the day right and just not the year? or is the year and day right and hellen just always knew wrong? It would be quite the shocker to think you're 32 only to find out you're really 36. So now, I think we have to communicate directly to the mother and see if we can't solve this mystery yet...until then, I'll just keep giving Hellen a present everyday I see her, just in case (I know she's missed out on at least 32 celebrations...and maybe even 36). If anyone wants to guess the correct date, i can give a prize to the closest person...here's a photo of her to help you in your guessing...

Bible Study Development

2011-09-18T15:02:00.003+03:00

So, officially we've started bible studies with three of the five areas that I'm working in with children who have been affected by armed forces. They have been good. We had some 35 at one (Lotuke and Abim were combined in this one) and about 25 at the other (Omoro). But I feel like there is a problem b/c these areas are big and the youth are scattered throughout and some came walking to the meeting place and it took them over two hours to get there. Ideally we would break the groups into smaller groups, one in each parish (there are 4-5 parishes in a sub-county). But who will lead these groups then? We've sent multiple potential leaders through the Father-Heart encounter, but very few seem very interested in the children and youth's spiritual growth. Right now these bible studies are not self-sustainable. Please pray with me that God would reveal the next steps for creating smaller groups in each area. Or do I just work with one smaller group and try to get them started and then go from there? I need wisdom and discernment. The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few, pray to the Lord of the Harvest to send out more workers! For Him to bring forth the ones that are interested in serving these youth.

Below Pastor James is sharing from the Word of God at the Lotuke/Abim bible study, with a local pastor, Pastor David translating for him.

Here Berna is sharing a Word she felt the Lord put on her heart to encourage the youth.

I know God is able to do beyond what we ask or imagine, so ask and imagine with me with Him and see what He shows us and what He wants to do and what He's doing. thanks.

God answers prayers

2011-09-12T20:32:00.002+03:00

So, today I was headed into town on my bicycle to drop some things off to a friend, when I spotted one of my neighbors also headed toward town. I stopped and greeted her and asked her where she was going. she said to market. I asked her if she wanted a ride, and she agreed. So she sat on the bicycle rack and we began moving toward town. I said, "I thought that you quit that job of running the shop and started selling cassava chips by the road side instead." she said "Thank you for your prayers, God answered our prayers and the lady who owns the shop came to me at home, after one week and told me she would increase my wages and provide lunch for me if I would come back." A couple months ago, I had visited her in the clothing shop in market. She was complaining that the owner lady was paying her little and not even providing her with money for lunch which she really wanted because she brings her baby with her to work. I explained to her that her heavenly Father cares for her and is the One who can provide, and I offered to pray for her right there from the store. Normally I'll just say, I'll pray for you and I do it from the privacy of my room, but that time I felt I should pray right then and there. So we prayed for the owner and for the increase in wages and the lunch money and now the lady has given it to her. She kept saying God answered your prayers the whole way into town. and she added that she's reading her bible now. It made me happy to hear this testimony of God's goodness. So many times lately I've had the opportunity to share with people about God as their Good Father who wants to provide for them and then I will pray for them. I felt this was a good reminder that my prayers are not in vain, that they are indeed reaching the ears of a loving Father, who wants to provide for His children.

I'm now remembering also, that this morning I was praying that I would be walking so well in my identity as the daughter of the King that anything that was not of Him would become so obvious to me. Now by this evening He's pointed out to me three distinct things that need to be taken care of in my life: my pride, my competitive spirit and my fear of close relationships. It wasn't until just now (at the end of the day) that I realized it was another prayer that God answered. And though it hurt my heart to realize those ugly things are still within me, I'm so thankful that He answered that prayer and that He's working on those things. And that I cannot remain the same. He is faithful to complete the work that He has began in me. He is bringing me from one degree of glory to another, changing me into the image of Christ. And for that I am eternally grateful. He's a faithful Father who takes good care of His children.

Bible Study: mission hospital

2011-08-31T21:59:00.003+03:00

Today i went out to kamuda to pick up members of our bible study to bring them to the main hospital in soroti because one of our members is going to have surgery tomorrow. Somehow we packed about 23 people into the 10 seater van, with an average of over 2 to a seat, i'm glad that as the driver i did not have to share. There was excitement in the air and a sense of camaraderie, and beautiful sounds of singing from the youth as we drove the 16 kilometers from kamuda to soroti. We found our patient quickly and we encouraged her and prayed with her and for her. While we were still praying with her we got a request to go pray for someone else. We decided to divide the group up into 4's and scatter out over the entire hospital to pray or to help wash clothes or cook, or what ever was needed by the patients.

The other leader Paul, and myself had tried to find our patient, Apio, on friday last week b/c we heard she was in hospital, but when we reached we found she was not yet there, but we ended up praying for every single person in ward two, which is the female surgical ward. we prayed for broken legs and arms, for "removed spleens," for infections in the feet, for swollen abdomens, different length legs and "bent ribs" for people from old, old ladies, to strong young ones. It was an experience, at least three of them had accepted Christ, and more were encouraged as our sisters in the Lord. All that to say, it was nice to go back to the same ward today and see how they were progressing and to encourage our new sisters in the Lord. It was good to see the one with the "removed spleen" eating rice and meat today. She's a a young widow with many children.

But back to the original purpose of this post...Please pray for Apio Mary as she has her surgery tomorrow. I wish I could answer what they are operating on, but i'm still not sure...a lot gets lost in translation...but at least i think it involves some pain and puss around the hip area from a fall that happened several years ago...that's why i'm still not sure. but anyway, she needs our prayers.

Father Heart Weekend

2011-08-29T19:45:00.005+03:00

So I've been a bit busy, but let me at least give you a picture of what my days have been holding. Two weeks ago I took a group of former child soldiers from Morungatuny to the Father Heart Encounter. Most of these youth were abducted in 2003 and have stayed in the bush from any length of time, from 1 day up to about 3 years. All are traumatized by the experience, no matter the length of time.

Even though most of their trauma happened many years ago, many still have fear and shame built up inside of them. Here's a picture one of the boys drew this last trip of himself before and after the Father Heart Encounter. At the top of the photo it says Alau Patrick is not feeling well because of the LRA War in Teso. And it says God is able on the left side:

And here's the after picture, on the top it says Alau Patrick is feeling well, on the left side it says God has saved me, and the right side it says, because God is able:

It's really amazing to see the transformation that happens in just three days of feeling and learning about God's Father love for them. These pictures help explain it a bit better than words.

Then I thought I would throw this next picture up also as after a 4.5hr bus ride from Jinja to Soroti, the youth loaded this truck for another two hour journey to their home sub-county, and then some live another hour's walk from the sub-county headquarters where they will be dropped by the truck. It's a long journey. This is them as they loaded on to the truck. They were still surprisingly happy. The guy in the bottom right of the picture is a local salesman trying to sell Passion Juice to the travelers.

the Grace of God

2011-07-28T08:06:00.002+03:00

I was flipping through my journal and came across an entry on the 9th and I felt I should share it here. I'm learning to listen to God as I pray, asking Him questions and waiting quietly for the answer. I was asking Him about all of the children affected by armed forces that I'm working with, regarding next steps and just generally not sure how I can best disciple them all. Anyway, His response was as follows, I hope it can encourage you as it encouraged me. "Grace and peace to you. You have My life in you, you have My words, you know I am always with you, you know I go before you and behind you. Surely I am gracious to you and my people. I am the one who will captivate the people, I am the captivator of hearts. I'm the one who draws them to myself. I'm capable, I'm sovereign, nothing is out of my grasp. Do three things, short bible study, worship me, intercede for one another and intercede for the children who have been and still are being abducted. I will give you the story to share each month. Don't mind. Leaders will emerge. I am drawing My people to Myself, My will, will be done. The light will pierce the darkness and the darkness must flee. Cling to the light. Cling to my Son Jesus, cling to Me, to my Spirit and you can not be led astray. Surely I know the plans I have for you, to prosper you and not to harm you. You will fail, but I will not. So don't worry, don't give any room for doubt or fear, they have NO PLACE with my children, for I am bigger and stronger than any evil. I am drawing my people to myself. Don't mind. I can be trusted. I am working all things out for the good of my church and my glory. Trust me beloved. Trust my heart for you, for my people. I'm in love with you, with my people. My heart is good toward you. Delight yourself in me, as I delight myself in you. Surely goodness will follow you. I long to give you the desires of my heart. I long to give you everything you want, but I know what is best for you." and my response could only be, Lord I am not worthy, you make me worthy, you make me able to receive from you, apart from you I have nothing. nothing. nothing. I bless your holy, holy, holy Name.

Precious Betty

2011-07-15T19:57:00.002+03:00

Maybe you've heard me mention a girl called Betty before. She's 12, her mother lives in the village with a new "husband" and her father tells her that she is not his daughter. She stays with her grandmother and two brothers and her sister in town here. Her grandma has no income except by begging, and she drinks, she lies, and she used to beat them (but she's getting too lold now) All this to say, Betty's had a pretty rough 12 years of life already. She's in the equivalent of maybe 3rd grade, but she should be in maybe 5th or 6th. But she can't read, well, she's trying to learn. And I must say she's getting better. We think she has some learning disabilities, maybe dyslexia or something of that nature. She often comes to our house after school, I used to get annoyed at her always being around asking for food and things, but then God reminded me about myself at that age. When I would come home from school my mom would always be there giving me a snack and listening to my day. I realized she had no one to do that for her. I realized I needed to listen to Betty like I was her mother. She needs that figure in her life right now and she just doesn't have anyone else to fill the role currently. Anyway, today I was listening to her talk about her day at school. She said today she's bothered by the kids at school. One boy today called her stupid and said she was good for nothing. She said it made her cry. It almost made me cry hearing it from her. She said she just kept quiet and then told the boy that what he said hurt her feelings and then the boy kept quiet. She said after that she kept thinking about what he said, and how she was stupid and good for nothing, but then something occurred to her, she remembered that God has a purpose and plan for her life. She remembered that He created her the way He did for a purpose. She then began feeling ok again. Praise God! Shortly later we spent time praying together thanking God for speaking to her like that and asking Him to continue to encourage her heart and draw her closer. I was so proud of her. When I first met her I know she would have just beat the boy up or shouted something else mean back at him. God is softening her heart, and I feel so honored to be a part of sharing His heart for her with her.

If only...

2011-07-15T19:40:00.002+03:00

Today I went out to an area to mobilize some youth because it's their turn to go for the Father-Heart weekend. We reached the pastor who was going to do the mobilizing of the youth. He began looking over the list of youth that we wanted to send. I was glad to hear that many of them are in school, but as he reached the bottom of the list, he said, oh this one, he can't go, he's in prison. He went on to share that the boy killed his mother's husband. Apparently the husband had beat the wife bad enough to send her to the hospital, the boy became angry and went and killed the husband. What a shock! As we pulled away I just kept thinking, if only we had taken this boy to the Father-Heart weekend earlier, would this have happened then? Now this young man could spend the rest of his life in prison... If only he would have learned that his heavenly Father loves him so much. If only he could have learned the power of forgiveness and love. If only, if only, if only...now I picture him sitting locked up, a dark, hot room, dirty, over-crowded, if only, if only...

It reminded me of the importance of what we're doing with these youth, God is literally saving their lives as they learn about His love for them and about forgiveness and grace. And as for this young man, I know the Lord is able to redeem any restore any person. So...instead of saying 'if only, if only' I am praying for him, that the Lord would meet him there in prison, he would learn about that love and forgiveness and he would be free-er than ever even, while he's locked up.

Bless the Lord!

2011-07-07T16:53:00.003+03:00

This morning I was surprised by the blessing that came to me through the reading of 1 Chronicles 29:10-20. It's one of those books I've only read thoroughly a couple of times and so when Kay Arthur said to read those verses (I'm doing a bible study that is by her), to be honest I wasn't expecting much...and then I was hit by... "Yours, O LORD, is the GREATNESS and the POWER and the GLORY and the VICTORY and the MAJESTY, for ALL that is in the HEAVENS and in the EARTH is yours." Wow. We serve a big, big God. Then David goes on, "Both RICHES and HONOR come from you, and you rule over all. In your hand are POWER and MIGHT, and in your hand it is to MAKE GREAT and GIVE STRENGTH to all." David had just finished giving tons of gold and silver and bronze and copper and timber and other stuff for the building for the house of God, also upon asking the other Israelites to also give what they could for the building of the house of God, the Israelites also gave willingly. Instead of complaining and saying, oh man, why do i have to give this stuff for the God's house David and the Israelites bless the LORD and praise Him for the opportunity. what?? "But who am I, and what is my people, that we should be able thus to offer willingly? For all things come from You, and of Your own we have given You." and again he says, "O LORD our God, all this abundance that we have provided to build You a house for Your holy Name, it is from Your hand, and all is Yours." There it is...There's the key. David recognizes that all of the stuff they gave to God, came from Him in the first place...why do I always forget that??? I feel happy with myself when I just give 10% back to Him, like I'm doing Him some kind of favor...Lord help me to give willingly and thankfully...

The other thing that I felt challenged by this morning as I read, was that I AM A TEMPLE FOR THE LIVING GOD. How well have I prepared, and kept myself as a house for my God? David says, "I know, my God, that you test the heart and have pleasure in uprightness. In the uprightness of my heart I have freely offered all these things, and now I have seen your people, who are present here, offering freely and joyously to you." Do I offer my God an upright heart? Do I offer Him myself freely and joyously? David goes on to pray for himself and his people, "keep forever such purposes and thoughts in the hearts of your people, and direct their hearts toward you." I prayed with David this morning that God would help me to have a heart continually surrendered, freely and joyfully, for the habitation of my GREAT, POWERFUL, GLORIOUS, VICTORIOUS, MAJESTIC, RICH, HONORABLE, and MIGHTY KING. Bless the Lord with me today! This GREAT, POWERFUL, GLORIOUS, VICTORIOUS, MAJESTIC, RICH, HONORABLE, and MIGHTY KING chooses to reside in the hearts of His people, in you and me. wow.

observations at a Mslm funeral

2011-06-30T14:20:00.003+03:00

Jules*, so tough, yet so loyal, faithfully carrying her friend Natalie out of the mourning room, laying her on a matt and then settling herself just behind her friend, ready to serve her however she could next. Mama Natalie giving her daughter local medicine for grieving and ripping off branches and leaves to carefully hold over her grieving daughter, protecting her from the sun. It was Sara who had first came and called for Jules and Molly to carry Natalie out. The big sister caring for her follower, carefully watching over her. Molly, another seemingly tough one, and yet I find her crying at just the sight of others crying, she weeps with those who weep....but don't mess with her or her friends. 4 guys pass by carrying one women who is beside herself with grief, and shortly after another unconscious griever gets carried by. This is serious weeping, weeping with no hope, no assurance. The two Mary's keep quiet, ready to do what needs to be done, go get a matt, go get medicine for headache, go get whatever, and it's done. They don't know what happens when someone does. Do they go to heaven or hell or what?

Natalie grieved very hard. What started as gentle tears and soft gasps worked up into violent heaves and streaming tears. Unable to remove herself from before the body, this is when her faithful sister called for help with transport. Does she grieve because she's regretted things in the past? Grieve because her two young children are now fatherless, and she herself a widow at 33 years old? Grieve because she still loved the man though they had been separated for a couple years? Grieve because a young man's life was cut short, what had started with such potential ended so suddenly, Hepatitis took this man's life, slowly and yet so sudden. Does she grieve as one that missed the chance to share the Good News, having herself not committed to the Good News? Will she one day weep at the foot of the cross? I wish I could understand the language, speak the language. I wish I could offer words of encouragement, but as far as I know this man is in hell. And now it's too late. Maybe it's better that I can't communicate so well. Now the rain has started, somehow the way Natalie began crying, slowly, quietly and then increasing in volume and intensity. Our Lord is crying with her. Weeping with those who weep. He wants to give her hope. He wants her to know just how close He is, just how much He cares. He wants to reveal to her there's a better way. Oh Lord, let nothing hinder her heart from becoming fully devoted to you. A lady comes in late. Crying, shouting, what's she shouting? she's shouting, "What has the dead left for me?" Seems selfish.

*no real names were used, though the experience was all too real.

angry and afraid=unwilling and distant

2011-06-11T21:18:00.002+03:00

I've been back in Uganda now for nearly a month, but have only spent something like 5 days, maybe 6, in soroti. After I first arrived in Soroti, a few days later Jennifer (my housemate/teammate) became quite sick with malaria and had some other symptoms we weren't sure about so we went to kampala and jinja totaling being gone about a week. Then upon reaching soroti once again i had some 3 days before heading with a group of youth from the village, who have been affected by armed forces, to Jinja for a Father Heart Encounter weekend. After that weekend, I've stayed in Jinja for another week to help out that ministry (mto-moyoni.org) by staying on the compound while the two leaders went to go do a training in Holland. Besides doing one bible study in the village and one father heart weekend I feel I haven't done much ministry since returning. i'm itching to get back to soroti and being able to follow up with youth again. But while staying at Mto Moyoni I know the Lord has some things to teach me and I am enjoying spending some much needed alone time with Him. hmm...this is already longer than i thought it would be...oh well...so...I realized when I first started staying here I was avoiding time with my Father for some reason. I couldn't tell what it was, but I would do anything but get quiet with Him. I finally realized what I was doing and began asking Him to point out what the deal was? What thing had happened, or what was I thinking that I wanted to keep Him at a distance. We made some headway, over the next couple days I'm happy to say, but I think it was a compilation of many things. Anyway, this morning during my quiet time I was doing a bible study on David by Beth Moore and some of her cronies. She was taking me to the time just after Uzzah touches the ark of the Covenant, trying to steady it from falling off the cart, and God kills him. Here they were having great celebration bringing the ark, the very Presence of God back to their own people, and then God has to go and do something like kill the guy who was only trying to help. (but they shouldn't have been carrying it on a cart in the first place, but that's for another day...) Needless to say "Then David was angry because the LORD’s wrath had broken out against Uzzah" (2 sam 6:8) and David was afraid of the LORD that day and said, “How can the ark of the LORD ever come to me?” (9) and so, "He was not willing to take the ark of the LORD to be with him in the City of David. Instead, he took it to the house of Obed-Edom the Gittite" (10).

David was angry at God for what He had done and also afraid of Him and so he wanted to keep him at a distance. I think we could say he was offended by God somehow. I've never done this before, and I'm sure you haven't either....right... actually we do it all the time. God showed me through this bible study that that was how I was behaving. Some how He had offended me, i became angry and afraid of Him and decided to keep Him at a distance because it seemed safer that way...But like David was a man after God's heart, I want to be a woman after His heart. "Now King David was told, “The LORD has blessed the household of Obed-Edom and everything he has, because of the ark of God.” So David went to bring up the ark of God from the house of Obed-Edom to the City of David with rejoicing"(12). When David saw how being near God was a good thing, how it brought blessing, when he was reminded of God's faithfulness and goodness he longed again to be near God. And was again rejoicing as the presence of God came near. So today our loving Father was encouraging me to not get offended by the things He causes to happen, or allows to happen that don't make sense to me...instead...draw near. For it is our nearness to Him that is our good. God wants to be near to us, to struggle through things with us, but are we not willing? Let's be willing, He longs for us to return to Him with our whole heart. Thank you Father for this loving reminder to me this morning and forgive me for being offended by You, and thank you Beth Moore for serving the Lord through providing this study of scripture.

waiting

2011-05-28T14:12:00.002+03:00

I'm waiting today. A simple drive from Jinja to Soroti. 3.5hrs normally. well we made it about 40 minutes to a town called Iganga. Then the brakes started giving me trouble. They would only begin engaging at the end of the depression of the pedal. So we stopped. In my opinion you need reliable, responsive brakes when it comes to driving in Uganda. Let's see, we stopped around 8:45am, it is now 2:14pm and we're still in the same place. First they had to diagnose the problem, then they had to look for the part. No, the part is not in Iganga. It's the "servo" that needs to be replaced, apparently...After searching Iganga for the part, they searched their own "yard" they found a dilapidated truck that they thought might work, but alas, it was just a bit too big. Now we've called our mechanic in Jinja and he is searching all of Jinja for the part. If it's not there, they will try Kampala. I've already gone to the bathroom a couple of times, gone to eat lunch, finished one book and started another, i've watered the plants that we're carrying with us, looked for hidden treasures amidst the junk that lies scattered over the yard, i've watched many people (the way I love being watched), and I've called many people trying to figure out the car situation and the situation with Jennifer. Jennifer is with me and not feeling well. She's gone up and down since Monday, feeling somehow better, but not quite there yet. She just wants to sleep and the back of the car is not the most comfortable, and the car that was once parked in the shade has sat long enough that it is now in the sun to add to the discomfort,...but she's trying. What should we do with her? More tests or does she just need more rest? We've been out of Soroti since tuesday morning in one clinic and then another. We're both tired of running around and the guessing game. The Dr.'s number won't go through b/c her network is down..."temporarily." The clouds appear to be building now, if we're lucky it will begin raining, but if at least the clouds brought some much needed relief from the sun we'd take that too. Well, I just continue to write because I don't know what else to do. I think I'll go pray. My friend's house help told me to start praying double b/c of the times we're in...maybe I'll take her advice now. Why do I want to fill my mind with information? why not just close my eyes and fix them on Jesus for a while??? Hmmm...seems like a good idea. Still waiting, but I think i'm going to use my time more wisely now...peace out...

Just another day in Kamuda

2011-05-22T20:58:00.003+03:00

I traveled out to Kamuda for bible study on saturday. I left around 2:30pm for our 2pm bible study and it takes about 15-20minutes to get there, so just before 3pm I reached the location and found no one else had arrived. I feared the worst. That they had stopped meeting while I was gone. I called one of the young men I expected to find there and he informed me he was at home, but he was coming. And sure enough slowly by slowly, one by one they came. We finally started around 4pm. One of the youth (she's the oldest, somewhere around 30something) had been put in charge of leading the bible study portion. She arrived just before 4pm. We were just about to start (there were about 8 of us) when a drunk man came over and shook my hand and held on for about the next 5 minutes or so, telling me thanks for reaching up to their village there and could we get a couple pictures together and could I tell america that, "the complaining dirty man in kamuda greets them." So consider yourself greeted. By the time I could pry my hand loose and re-engage in the group one of the other members had left. So now we were waiting while others looked for him. Alas, he was not to be found, so we decided to just start. We sat on two benches facing each other, just outside a clinic. But because Mary wanted to share the word with those waiting around the clinic she turned her back to us and began preaching. (My best chance at a translator was the one who had mysteriously left during the conversation with the drunk man.) It's hard to tell if any one of the clinic people were listening, but the group seemed to be paying attention, I was praying that people would hear only truth. After some time most of the people from the clinic left and a couple more had arrived from the group and mary turned and faced us and continued. When she was about finished, she still had about 4 verses to go through from Romans 1 (so i had gathered) the group leader, Paul, came and then Francis came back from where ever he had gone and he brought with him dina. As Mary finished and Paul and I added to it, a few more joined and we ended up being somewhere around 15 I think. I was so encouraged that they had not given up meeting together. I also saw that they had taken attendance at least three times while I was gone and an average of 8 young adults were showing up every week. Praise the Lord! After we finished the bible study portion it was around 6pm and I was ready to go home. However, Paul and Mary requested that we pray for the sick that were in the clinic. We've done it a couple times now and it's been quite a good time of reaching out. I said ok and we all entered into the first room. I walk in to see to men both sleeping, and appearing to be quite sick, they say with malaria, but it's aways malaria. there were three beds in this approximate 10' by 10' room and now we just added about 20 people. So needless to say the room was a little crowded. Then Paul tells me we will not talk to the patients since we shouldn't wake them because they probably need the rest. So we'll just pray for them while they sleep. Well, what better way to start prayer time then to sing a worship song. And 19 ugandans and 1 mzungu (me) aren't the quietest singers, for we love worshipping our God. Therefore, by the time we finished singing, the patients were mostly awake and probably wondering what the heck all of these people were doing in their room, and why wouldn't they just keep quiet or perhaps wondering if they were in heaven.... but i don't know that for sure. Because the patients had "conveniently" woken up, we were able to ask them if they knew Jesus and then pray with them to accept Him. One man I was told was too tired to speak, but I was assured that in his heart he accepted Jesus. (Don't know how this was known exactly, but the man was saying ebo (yes) and some other grunts and groans to certain questions...) And the other one prayed out loud to receive Christ. I pray that the Lord protects these seeds that were planted and these men come to know God in a real and intimate way. We concluded with more singing and then headed out the door. It was now about 6:20pm and I was again ready to go, but was informed there were more patients in the building behind. Yes, of course we could go and pray for them also. So we went behind and I was asked to pray for a lady who had a baby earlier that day while paul prayed for a sick young woman and everyone else would join us with their own prayers. While praying I heard another baby crying who sounded quite young, but I couldn't see him. Just after we finished praying a lady walked out holding a baby and Paul asked me to bless this one also. I walked over to the baby, pulled back the blanket and saw the hair was still matted with "stuff", I asked when was this baby born, they said, now-now, which would explain the other cry I had heard...don't worry this wasn't the mother holding the baby, but in about 5 minutes the mother did walk by and lay down by the baby. These women are tough. So everyone had been prayed for and we all walked out. While walking out Mary (in her very broken english) asked me if I could stop by her home on my way home to pick up some white ants (the termites that they love to fry and eat). She wanted to give them to me as a welcome back present. How could I say no? So I brought her and Dina and francis with me in the car. First we drove deeper into the bush to drop off dina, then swung by mary's to pick up the white ants and then i dropped off francis and then headed for home. I think I reached about 8pm with ants and mangos in tow. Now that's a long bible study. Though it was long, it was good. Please keep praying for this group called Alive With Purpose in Kamuda. They are hungry for the word. Pray that God would raise up leaders among them and that their community would be transformed by the Word of God.

Departure Q&A

2011-04-03T20:40:00.002+03:00

As I sit in the airport awaiting departure...wow...a lot has happened in the last year. Will I be able to accurately articulate every detail, each story? No. Am I the same as when I left america some 361 days ago? no. i cannot be. can i describe the transformation that has occurred in my heart and in my mind? no. will people at home understand completely? no. how could they when i can't even understand for myself? Will i miss white ant paste? no. will i miss eating bush rat? no. will i survive in the fast lane, that is america? no.ok. yes, but it will be challenging. Will i get frustrated with my inability to express things and others inability to understand? yes. will i enjoy cheese again? yes. will i be able to safely drive a vehicle following all traffic laws in the US? no. do i feel i have done enough here? no. will it ever be enough? no. do I trust Jesus with the rest? yes. will i miss bible studies in kamuda on saturdays? yes. will i miss father heart weekends with former child soldiers? yes. will i long for the quiet and peacefulness of the village? yes. will i miss primary school pit latrines? no. will i miss visiting nuru in the market? yes. will i miss carrying nathan on my back as hellen and i ride our bikes from her home to mine? yes. will i miss teaching lydia? yes. ok, i think you get the picture. i will miss many things. however i'm only gone for 6 weeks. i'm more concerned with my time in the states. will i freeze up when i walk into the cereal aisle and find cereal as far as i can see in both directions? will i generally freeze as i adjust to sub-80 degree temps? will i visit everyone i want to and still find time for rest and recreation? will i hide in the corner or sleep underneath my bed? i could go on. The Lord only knows, and I'm thankful that I've learned to hand over each and every person to Jesus and thank Him as He lovingly walks beside them. I know He also is lovingly walking beside me and I'm so thankful for this past year. Oh the experiences. Lord help me to articulate, to understand, to process, to share, to love, to be patient and to experience your grace that is there for each day.

He's Waiting

2011-03-23T18:17:00.003+03:00

I went to the market this afternoon for a few things. I greeted my friend Nuru as I always do when I go to market. For those of you who don't know, she is a m.sl.m and she is one of my friends here. She entered my life a few days after a teammate prayed that each of us on the team would come to know a m.sl.m by name so we could begin praying for them by name. She has become a friend, she helps me when ever i need to know the best place to buy something, she'll escort me around market. I help her sometimes giving her a ride in my car or on my bicycle. Anyway I keep sharing with her about Jesus, but she is not ready yet to give her life to Him. Today after I got my few items she was ready to go to prayers so I walked with her towards the m0sque. This is the second time in a week I've walked her to prayers. Man, it feels like I'm walking her to her other lover when I should be walking her to Christ. I think of God's jealous heart for His children and how He longs for each of them, and how they are His precious bride. And Nuru has the opportunity to come to Christ and experience his pure love, but now she's with another lover, one that will never satisfy, one that she could struggle her whole life to please and still die not knowing whether or not he accepts her. How I long for her to know the peace that surpasses understand, the easy yoke and light burden, the abundant life, the loving Father, His precious Son, and His Spirit within us! Please pray with me for her. She has become a good friend and my heart is burdened for her.

a "temporary" bridge story

2011-03-21T15:03:00.003+03:00

So back on the 4th of March I headed to Sisiyi Falls with 4 guys from the village in Kamuda. This was the 4th such group that I've taken. Mostly on the way there the roads are ok. We travel on pavement (mostly with car-sized potholes) for about an hour and half, and then a marram (like dirt) road for the last 15min. Back in May or June of last year a bridge got washed out somehow on the marram road. They quickly made a temporary bridge out of wood mainly 4x4's for the support and 2x6's for the road portion. It would always sway a little but as we crossed but overall it felt pretty secure. I never really feared for my life. Anyway, this 4th of March trip was a little different. You see the original bridge had still not been rebuilt so the "temporary" bridge was still there. It had of course seen better days, and looked more like it had been patched together over the last couple months and I feared as we made our way closer. The boys in the back were also a bit concerned, but I said a quick prayer and crossed. We made it. We enjoyed our time at sisiyi falls. And then came sunday when we had to cross back over the "temporary" bridge. This time as we approached we saw some ladies who had been standing on the bridge walk slowly away, each lady carrying some small pieces of wood. (were they taking parts of the bridge for firewood?? I don't know) It made me a little more nervous, but we prayed and crossed again. Yes! Success. Now that brings me to this past weekend. This time our team was going to Sisiyi Falls for a two-day time of fun and refreshment together. I shared with Jennifer that I was thinking maybe we should all walk across the bridge and let the driver alone cross or something like that, because it didn't seem too secure last time I was there. But as we approached the bridge this time it looked good. Almost like the original "temporary" bridge before the patchwork. The other people on the team wondered why I was so concerned about this bridge when it looked so good. When we reached to sisiyi. I was talking to Margaret (she's a worker at Sisiyi Falls Garden). She told me that the day after we left last time, back in the beginning of March, a car went down with the bridge. She assured me that there were no casualties, at least immediately...and she went on to inform me that they just finished repairing the "temporary" bridge two or three days before we came this time. I'm thankful for the Lord's grace protecting us as we traveled that last time, when the bridge had only one day of life left in it. And I'm thankful it was repaired in time for us to come back. Now we wait maybe 3-6 months for the real bridge to be repaired...

Transformed lives in Abim

2011-03-16T11:07:00.004+03:00

I went to Abim on Monday to follow up with the youth who had been to the Father Heart Encounter last month. Many are full orphans and some have either just a mother or father still alive. All have been affected in one way or another by the karamojong cattle rustlers or the LRA (the rebel group that abducts children and forces them to fight). When these youth were at the Father Heart Encounter I saw many receive freedom from the shame and fear and bitterness in their hearts. I wanted to check up on them and see whether or not the change was remaining in them or if they had been overwhelmed with life back at home. I also wanted to talk with them about starting up a meeting for bible study and prayer once a month to continue discipling them. To my great delight each I talked with reported a great change in their life. I was only able to go for two days instead of my desired 4 days, but I was able to meet with 12 of the 20 youth. Below I am meeting with S, W and R. We're at S's home. She had been abducted by LRA and raped from there. She has a daughter which she produced as a result who is now three years. She testified that since coming back from the F-H Encounter that she now feels free, she's shared with her friends about this new freedom and what she learned from there and she says her friends have noticed a difference in her.

Next I talked with W. He explained that since coming back from F-H Encounter he has stopped getting drunk on alcohol and also shared with his friends about Jesus and they also stopped drinking. Now instead of drinking they either play football or chat with friends about the word of God. Then R. He says that he used to be rude to people and could quarrel with people, but now he has more forgiveness in his heart and forgives people much easier. Also he used to struggle to get money to survive, but since coming back from F-H Enounter he's been able to get some little money to survive on.

After visiting these three I went on to visit J. She's in school at the secondary school there. She's pictured below with me. Besides just visiting them I was also able to give many of them a picture that I took of them from Jinja where the F-H Encounter took place. They have so few pictures of themselves, if any, so they loved receiving these. Below we are looking through some of the pictures. J shared that her heart was now free, she feels better and she's even shared at her church about the freedom that comes with forgiving others.

I met with many others, which I won't describe each one, but I kept hearing things like: Respect for family and others have increased, discipline has gotten better, has begun praying about everything, stopped quarreling, and have been meeting together to pray and share the word, feels a new love for Christ, no more bad dreams, freedom from shame and fear, came to know God now cannot do ungodly things. As I talked with each, my heart continued in praise to our great Father who had ministered to these broken hearts. The power of the Holy Spirit at work in these lives. All were excited to have some kind of bible study and prayer group started to continue learning and growing.

This place is called Lotuke Sub-county in Abim district and it is a beautiful place that has suffered much. As I drove and walked around the place I found it hard to believe all the death and destruction that had taken place there. It seems so peaceful and quiet now. Many have moved close together to help protect each other. Below is a picture of one group of houses.

Though there was much change with these children in their hearts, they still have much need in the physical, seeing how poverty often comes married to war and violence. Many of these youth expressed a desire to go back to school, but did not have school fees. Some are the heads of their households and need to help provide for their family, but are struggling to do so. Some are being taken care of by grandmothers who are very old and sickly. Please pray for these youth for continued provision in the spiritual and physical. Please pray that I would have wisdom as to how to help meet some physical needs as well as spiritual. Thank you for your continued partnership in prayer. You have helped to set captives free. Praise the Lord with me for His continued grace and power displayed so evidently in the lives of these youth!

grace for each day

2011-03-09T06:54:00.003+03:00

The power has been out since yesterday, I was supposed to teach Lydia this morning, but she was sick. Betty was at my door by 7:45am wanting to wash her clothes from our tap. We first had to take Jennifer to the bus park. Shortly after returning… a young woman about 17years old shows up at our gate with her 2 year old son. At least I thought he was a boy until I saw he was wearing a cute frilly dress (he was strapped on to her back until then). Turns out he is indeed a boy, just doesn’t have clothes that are “gender appropriate.” Neither have shoes and they don’t speak ateso. They’re from southern sudan, well they’re trying to get back there. Apparently the girl worked in mbale for about 1.5years for a mslm lady who never paid her and abused her. The lady wouldn’t even give her transport money back home. So I’m still not sure who told her she should come to my gate, but there she was.

All she owned in one diaper bag. Gave her some tea and food and she wanted to wash her clothes too and bathe the baby and herself, so gave her some soap and water. She’s a Christian, but didn’t have a bible says she can read, so gave her a bible and a children’s bible. We also have a few shoes left over from Remembrance church’s vbs donation, so we were able to give them shoes also. And even got an outfit from Luka (MK) for little Joseph. She was so grateful for all things.

Brought her to the bus park and gave her money for transport. This is all before lunch. Power came back sometime in there so I could get the email out that I needed to. Brought Sarah her school uniform and some other things for Jennifer since she had to go to Kenya. Then had to go back to the house to clean it a bit b/c we (betty’s still with me) were having Nuru over for lunch (my mslm friend from market) along with her children. Then we quickly went to pick her up brought her to the house and prepared lunch and then ate. Made the mistake of using pans and plates that have touched pork in the past, so she was a bit troubled by that, and so was I, but she said she forgave me, I try not to beat myself up over how I could ruin a relationship just like that. Lord help me. Thank you that you can even use my mistakes for Your glory. After lunch took nuru home. Stopped by a boarding school to visit Dina, who I am sponsoring to go to school. She seems to be doing well. Enjoys geography, shared some interesting things about the choir members who have demons or worship the devil, and how they call homosexual activity in the dorms “bonding”. Hmmm, what an innocent name. anyway, so we (abella’s with me now) went back home, to find about 10 kids waiting outside the gate. They want to play. We decided on a movie, after much debate we decided on the Disney’s Joseph movie. Made some kool-aid. I was able to make some phone calls and wash my hair while they watch the movie. Movie finished, they went home. Bathed. The guard’s step-daughter shows up to turn on the gate lights and inform me the guard’s is going to be delayed. Learned yet another way to say thank you. Afowyo. Add that to Wanyala, Webale, Apowyo, Iyalama. All in one country. Yeah, so then began gathering the chickens to put them in the hen house, still can’t find my sweet village hen called gwen. Then began working on my newsletter. Internet not working…Finished newsletter, internet working emailed for proofreading, checking facebook, internet not working again. Approaching 10pm. Trying internet one more time. If not this will have to post tomorrow…nope, no internet…this will have to wait. Now it is morning again, internet net working, but power is back off, and so it begins again. Praise the Lord for His grace is sufficient. Yesterday morning I had prayed that my house would be a place of refuge and for the pouring out of Jesus’ love. God Answered that prayer. I also asked for the grace I needed for the day. He answered that one too. Praise the Lord who hears our cries and answers them.

the experience of bible study

2011-02-20T13:52:00.007+03:00

Too often I'm failing to write in this blog because I am wearied by the thought of how to explain the experiences that I go through in a way that i feel is sufficient to really allow the reader to completely share in the experience with me. And things happen in experiences here it seems. I don't just go to do bible study in the village at 2pm and come back at 5pm having read, shared, prayed, sang. no. I'm finding it's always an experience. I don't want to be wearied any longer by this daunting task of transforming experiences into written word. So i'm going to try to share about the experience of bible study yesterday. I'm now not going to fear writing for too long or too short, i'm just go to write, so be prepared. On saturday morning I had bible study with betty and abella and a Lydia (the missionary kid that I teach twice a week). After we finished i was left with a few hours still before having to leave for the other bible study i help lead in Kamuda. Though it is only about 13km away it is definitely village. I thought I would use the few hours before hand to prepare what I might share if the guy who was supposed to share didn't show up. I began preparing. We'd been studying out of John each week and so i was looking through John and considered sharing about when they wanted to stone the woman caught in adultery. I've heard so many sermons on this, I thought, well this will be easy and so i began in my mind preparing what I might share. I wasn't feeling completely sure about it, but felt good enough and thus moved on to reading a book. The book is called The Path of Loneliness by Elisabeth Elliot. Anyway, I would periodically stop reading and consider what was being shared in that book. My mind also wanted to meditate on a portion of scripture that the Lord had brought to my mind in the morning while i was out for a bike ride, "The enemy is His footstool" All that to say...I was in a process of listening to the Lord and attempting to learn from Him, more about Him. I continued reading from the book where Ms. Elliot quoted from Isaiah 43:1-5. I wanted to read it from my version and found that I was encouraged by it, especially the part where God says, "You are precious to me, honored, and I love you." What powerful, transforming words, to know that the God of the entire universe, thinks I'm precious and loves me so much. As I was processing those words from my loving Father, I began to picture the faces of the young men and women that God had thus far had me sharing His word with. I could see so much the pain in their eyes and how He longed for them to know how He loved them, and that no matter what they were going through they are precious to Him and He is with them. With that in the back of my mind it was time to go to bible study. I left at almost 2pm and reached around 2:15pm. On my way I found one of the youth walking, she's called Mary and she's usually the first one there, so I knew I was in for a wait when even she hadn't arrived yet. Mary and I reached the Sub-county headquarters, which is where we meet. We hadn't had bible study in two weeks and it was the day after elections so we weren't sure how many would actually come. Of the group I think Mary's english is not the best and my kumam is limited to greetings pretty much and Berna was not able to come and translate. ok, let me continue on here. So we waited until about 3:30 and only one other person had come. We decided to go look for another girl called Dina. I've put her into boarding school b/c of the situation at home, but she was home for the elections and had told me she would meet me at bible study. On the way to Dina's we stopped by Paul's house (he's the one supposed to lead today). He was out grazing his animals and said he was coming when he finished. We went on to Dina's and found she had gone to church. we went to her church and found she had left for bible study. we headed back to bible study, passed by paul's house and paul's wife said dina had come by and was headed back to her house to find us. Somehow we had passed each other twice on the way. So we quickly headed back toward her house and found her on the way this time. Then she went home packed her things (she was going to head back into to town with me b/c her grandfather was quarreling with her and there were too many temptations around, she said even over holidays she no longer wanted to go home), so we waited for her. While we were waiting Mary said that her heart was hurting because she loved the word of God and wanted to have bible study...but where were the people...and now it's becoming late and we have no time...and then Dina came and we drove back to the bible study, stopping by paul's to pick him up. When we reached we found Grace and Maggie waiting for us. We were now 7. Seems like a good number. Paul had not had time to prepare anything to share with the youth and I felt compelled to share what I had studied earlier that day from Isaiah. But before we could start bible study we met a woman who was staying at that clinic that was just there nearby. She was Paul's cousin and we felt we should pray for her. We went in her room and we sang a worship song and then prayed for her. I know the Lord touched her heart even in that short time as tears began falling softly from her eyes. I pray the Lord continues to draw her to Himself. Then it was finally time to begin bible study. Just as we were about to start, it was now about 4:45pm Brenda arrived. After reading Isaiah 43:1-5 I was able to go around to each of these young woman, and look them in the eyes and tell them how precious they are to God and how much He loves them. As I was going around the group Beatrice arrived. After that we had anyone share about anything difficult that they were going through that we could pray with them about. Dina shared about her struggle at home, quarreling with her grandfather, who had even told her to excavate her dead mother and have sex with her (or something along those lines, it may have changed a bit in translation). Anyway she shared how they didn't want her in school and were wanting her to get married (so they could get cows for her). After she shared Mary volunteered to pray for her, but first encouraged her to harbor no bitterness in her heart toward them and forgive them for mistreating her. The others shared also, Maggie with temptation with school (like dropping out to get married) and Beatrice with her parents always quarreling and her dad not wanting her to continue school so he can sell ( i mean marry) her off. It breaks my heart that so many of these beautiful young ladies are reduced to a few cows in their parents eyes. Too many fail to reach secondary school because they are "married off" for a few cows. We prayed for each after they shared and it was a good time of encouraging and prayer. Sarah recommitted her life to Christ. And Richard joined us just as we were finishing. I bought soda and crackers for the now 10 people, because, wow it was hot and we were tired. Afterwards Dina said she wanted to stay at her home until monday rather than coming home with me now. I think the Lord did a work in her heart, as she appeared to want to stay and resolve the conflict with her grandfather, rather than leaving in bitterness and unforgiveness. So...I took dina home, then Sarah, then Paul, where it was insisted that I stay and have supper, as it was now around 7:30pm. So Mary and I stayed, had some supper, and then around 9pm continued on our way. I dropped Mary, where I had to stop and greet her family for a few minutes, and then finally head for home around 9:30pm. So much for just going to bible study from 2pm-5pm. But I wouldn't have had it any other way. I don't know if I've adequately described the day in it's entirety, but I hope you at least get the idea.

waiting for friday

2011-02-17T13:02:00.004+03:00

Most people in america are always waiting for friday, for the freedom of the weekend. This week we're waiting for friday also in uganda. We're too hoping for freedom, but not so sure it will come. I returned on tuesday to Soroti after two weeks of being in Jinja and Kampala. I had an amazing time with two different groups of former child soldiers over the two weekends, learning about God's Father heart for them. I'm still processing these weekends, but hope to update on them in my next newsletter. On the drive back from Jinja to Soroti (it's about 3.5hrs drive) every thing seemed so peaceful and calm. Presidential Elections are on friday and most people are concerned about what will happen. I thought there would be more unrest up to this point for some reason, but things have been calm. I asked my friend at the market about it and she said we're just waiting for Friday. My 12 year old friend Abella says that they will not go to school on friday because the school headmaster said he didn't know what he would do if war broke out and all the children were at school. seems like a legit reason to stay home for the day. It seems no one wants war, and yet so many are fearing it will come. How can war come within a country when no one wants it? Haven't the people here seen enough of what war can and has done to their country, their people? I wondering just how fast it could turn from calm and peaceful to anger and chaos? I find myself now also just waiting for Friday. What will happen? Only the Lord knows, and I'm thankful He is my Keeper. So as you wait for friday in america or europe or where ever, please be praying for Uganda. We want friday to come and freedom and peace to follow.

Represent

2011-01-28T21:37:00.003+03:00

"I have chosen to live as if every conversation I have, as if everything I do either blesses or defiles someone else." I'm reading a book called Experiencing Father's Embrace by Jack Frost and was challenged by that statement this evening. Everyday my path crosses with so many different people, sometimes just passing by, sometimes they want something from me, or I want something from them, but no matter how formal or informal, how casual or intimate the conversation is I choose to pass on life and love or death and defilement. That seems so harsh to say it that way, death and defilement, and yet when I think about it, it's pretty accurate. My words can cause the death of someone's hopes, or can mar someone's view of God. If someone come up to me for the tenth time asking for school fees, even if I know it's not my place to give the money for fees for this particular person, there is a way in sharing that information with the person that either blesses or defiles, either builds up or tears down. Jack goes on later to make the statement, "Every misrepresentation of God's love to another individual is an area of sin and darkness in your life." Have I perfectly represented God's love today to everyone I met? No. Thank God for His grace and that He forgives. But I know by His Spirit He can continue to mold me and refine me and pour His love through me in such a way that I represent His love better and better every day. Am I willing to go through that refining? Yes. I desire Truth in my inmost being. Will it be easy? No. But I fix my eyes on Jesus the Author and Perfecter of my faith. The love of God has transformed my life, and I want to continually pass that love and life on. Father God, help me to walk by Your Spirit, that I am able to be an accurate representation of your love to all those that I meet.

Crying out with Ezra

2011-01-24T17:28:00.003+03:00

I was reading the book of Ezra over the last week and have been quite impacted by it. Listen to this, "As soon as I heard this, I tore my garment and my cloak and pulled hair from my head and beard and sat appalled. (9:3)" This is Ezra's response to the unfaithfulness of God's people, their deliberate disobedience. and He goes on, "At evening sacrifice I rose from my fasting, with my garment and my cloak torn, and fell upon my knees and spread out my hands to the LORD my God, saying, 'O my God, I am ashamed and blush to lift my face to you, my God, for our iniquities have risen higher than our heads, and our guilt has mounted up to the heavens. (9:5-6)'" He cries out on behalf of his people. It strikes me that it is not he who was in individual sin, he had not intermarried with the pagans as so many others had, but he still mourned and interceded on behalf of God's people, and even identified himself as guilty along with the rest. He felt a certain connectedness with his fellow believers. It seems these days we've lost some of this as the bride of Christ, especially in the western church. To each is own, and don't try to tell somebody else what to do, let them go their way, and if they're in sin, don't try to come along side them because they might think you are judging them. We've lost being appalled at sin. We forget what it does to our Father's heart. We don't feel called to repent and cry out on behalf of our brothers and sisters who are stuck in sin. I remember a pastor once explaining that if we knew what our sin does to the heart of our Heavenly Father we would say of course gouge out our eye if it causes us to sin, we'd freely cut off our hand if it caused us to sin, if we even understood just a bit of what our sin does to our Father's heart. We know we are all apart of one body in Christ, as much as our american ways drive us toward independence, we are dependent on Christ and on the body of Christ, when one part of the body suffers we all suffer. I want to become more appalled at sin in my own heart and in the bride of the Christ, I want to come and plead before the Lord on behalf of my brothers and sisters. I don't want to continue on saying, ah, that sin is not mine, the sin of abortion, not my problem, the sin of pornography not my problem, the sin of adultery not my problem, they're not my problem if I'm not struggling with them, and yet these and other sins are eating away, slowly destroying the beautiful bride of Christ. I need to be concerned about this, I need to cry out to my God, begging forgiveness on behalf of my brothers and sisters. The Lord knows I'm not perfect, and I am always asking forgiveness for my own sins, but how often am I standing in the gap for the global church? Do I allow myself to become appalled by our sin as a whole, our unfaithfulness as a bride? Do I realize how it effects the heart of God? Lord, teach me, teach us, that it isn't just about ourselves, open up our eyes to see the state of the church as a whole and how we might join with one another and cry out to you Lord, appalled by our sin and begging for you in your mercy, to not forsake us in our slavery to sin, but extend to us your steadfast love!

The most encouraging part I found while reading the book of Ezra was the phrase that he used over and over again, "The hand of Lord my God was on me...the good hand of our God on us, The hand of our God is for good...the hand of our God was on us." Even in our sin, the good hand of the Lord is upon us, longing to draw us back to Himself, awaiting us to come to our senses.

Learning

2011-01-15T19:42:00.003+03:00

For some reason the last few weeks, I've at a loss as to what to share. And it's not for a lack of things going on. Maybe things that I used to find strange or funny are becoming more normal. I think I will just share what I've been learning over the last few weeks in some kind of list. Because they don't seem very connected, i'm currently doubting my capabilities to draw them all together in some creative way, so let me just begin.

-I learned when I feel free to open up and share some struggles that I have, or times when I've been trapped in some sin, it tends to bring freedom to whom I share with for them also to share. I like that freedom and transparency.

-I am prideful. Well...I am a work in progress anyway. I am currently doing a bible study with Betty & Abela about three mornings a week. (B&A are both 12yrs old and often find themselves at our house) We are reading through the book of matthew together and a couple weeks ago we read through the beatitudes. The first one, Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven really struck me again. I began to pray that God would grant me this poverty in spirit and increase my knowledge of the desperate situation I am in without Him. And so having forgot that I prayed that I found myself a week later, speaking to myself, something along the lines of, man, why am I so not nice these days, and i need to learn how to be more loving, and I found myself getting frustrated with myself. It's then God reminded me of that prayer and really spoke to my heart, See, my child, see how I am constantly at work in you and how desperately in need of Me you are? And I thanked Him for revealing that to me and for answering my prayer. He really worked on my pride and I'm so grateful He answered that prayer, though of course I was wishing there was a less painful way. =)

-I learned 26 people can fit pretty well into a van made for 15.

-I learned that I can buy 12 Disney movies on one disk for 8,000 shillings (~4$).

-I learned if I really understood the power and potential in fasting, I would fast more and more faithfully.

-I learned that I can bite my tongue in my sleep and wake myself in the process.

-I learned that 72 degrees is cold.

-I learned that I have much more to learn about Mslm ministry.

-I learned it's really hard to plan my next trip home because I want to see everyone across the country, but definitely won't be able to...decisions, decisions.

-I learned today that Berna and I are going to be sharing the word of God at a youth conference in the village on Monday and Tuesday to about 100 youth. Nothing like giving you two days time to prepare...at least it's not day of.

-I learned the more I learn the more I have yet to learn.

indeed they are doves

2010-12-28T07:13:00.003+03:00

The weekend before Christmas Berna and I took 4 girls to Sisiyi Falls Garden to share with them the word of God. As I wrote a couple weeks ago in this blog, God gave me a picture of ravens (basically, stuck eating dead things) and then doves (flying high and free). As Berna and I were planning, there was really no other pictures or scriptures the Lord gave to us to share. The previous times when we were going we had it all planned out, just what scriptures we were going to read and just what questions to ask, but this time we didn't feel any leading toward any particular thing, only the promise of the ravens to doves that God wanted to do in these girls lives. On the day we were leaving, God did give me one scripture, from Zechariah 3:1-7ish. I shared this with Berna as we met to pray for our trip before going to pick up the girls. As I was explaining to her I still didn't feel confident about going with so little preparation, and would this somewhat obscure passage in Zechariah make sense to girls who, have never really read the bible before and were not yet born-again?? I was encouraged by Berna as we were discussing, she reminded me that God loves these girls even more than we do, and longs for them to come to Him even more than we do, and we just had to go and be open to how He would lead. He wanted all the glory for what would happen on this trip, and us going so "unprepared" would guarantee this.

So...we prayed and left to pick up the girls. Theres, Maggie (14), Beatrice (16), Goretty (18) and her baby beatu (1.5) and Alice Angela (18). When we arrived at Sisiyi Falls, and were eating a snack we asked who was born again, and Alice was the only one who was born-again. After our snack we went up to our tents, put our stuff down and explored the river at the base of the falls. We climbed over rocks and rapids, and we laughed and enjoyed ourselves seriously. normally we would not spend so much time exploring, but do a planned bible study, but this time we just enjoyed God's creation for a couple hours. After we explored we bathed and went down for supper. We chatted during supper and afterwards we wanted to have our first bible study session...but we had no idea what we were supposed to share. We sat around and it was a bit awkward because we just kinda looked at each other. Then I said to Berna let's sing. She laughed and said, I was just thinking that. So we sang a few songs and as we were singing, I felt God wanted me to ask what was preventing these girls from being saved, why didn't they want to become born again (I thought, well at least this way we'll know what we're up against). So when we finished singing, Berna asked me to share anything the Lord put on my heart, so I shared it with her and she said, we could ask them, so we did. Maggie said she had tried being "saved" once, but failed, so she gave up on trying to be saved. But she wanted us to pray with her to become born-again. Goretty said she didn't really know why she wasn't born-again, her mother was, but she was not. She said she wanted us to pray with her to become born again, then Beatrice...She said she also wanted to become born-again, but her father was threatening his children so they would not become saved, like he would chase them away if they did. But she said she had a grandmother who was born-again, but had died. Then she said that on the monday prior to coming on the trip her grandmother came to her in a dream and told her she should become born-again, so beatrice was planning to ask Jesus into her heart at the next sunday service she went to, so she too wanted us to pray with her to become born again. So all three were desiring to choose Jesus! We wanted to make sure they understood what it meant, and that's when I saw the verses from Zechariah 3 that God had given me should be shared. We talked about the enemy, Satan, standing accusing us, discouraging our hearts, because of our dirty clothes (our sin), but then how once we accept Christ and invite him into our hearts our dirty clothes are removed and we are given new, clean and pure garments, and authority and the evil one has no right to stand and accuse us, or take us away from God. We explained that nothing that they did could separate them from the love of God. All of them said they understood and wanted to be prayed for, so we went up by the camp fire we had started and each of the three girls knelt down one at a time and we prayed for with them, then they prayed, then we prayed for them. It was a beautiful time and I could see that God wanted to do more than we could ask or imagine. That he had transformed ravens to doves, he had replaced slavery with freedom, sadness with joy. I was so encouraged by this, and knowing it was nothing that I did, but follow the Holy Spirit's leading, helped me to give God all the glory for this transformation in these lives! I want to stop here, because it's already long, but before stopping, I want to share what we found out the next day. So the next day we climbed to the top of the falls and Berna felt we should both share our life stories, so I shared then she did and then each of the girls shared some about their lives and any prayer requests that they had. All of this was in kumam (except my life story) so I didn't get much of it. After we came back down from the top of the falls, Berna shared with me the information the girls had shared and this is what she shared: Maggie had been dedicated to the devil when she was just born, they took her to the swamp and "gave" her to the demons, so she's had bad dreams her whole life. Beatrice, a lot of witchcraft in her home, her brothers were dedicated to the devil, demons disturb her while she is sleeping. Her father was asking for prayers of deliverance from the church, but at the same time refusing his children to become saved. Goretty, lives with her aunt and uncle, who have shrines and buried witchcraft charms all over her compound. And Alice, her father is a witchdoctor in a village two hours away, he used to have 4 wives until her mother and another wife left him, after her mother moved herself and the children away alice used to have episodes where she would "run mad (crazy)" not eating for days and fearing to show up at school naked, etc...they discovered that the daughter of the other wife who had left would run mad at the same time as alice would. But, once alice became born-again a couple years ago she no longer runs mad, she's been free of that. So her prayer requests were for total deliverance and for her father to become saved. These girls had really come through some dark stuff, and had suffered much in their short lives, but they were now being set free! The rest of the weekend we explored more the river, we shared on forgiveness and living as a follower of Christ and prayed over them deliverance from the evil one. It was a great weekend, and I feel honored that God could use me, a weak clay vessel, to share His word and love with these ladies and that such transformation would occur. Thanks to every one for praying! Please continue to pray for these girls as they had to go back into their families who don't know Christ and could easily become discouraged. We gave them each a bible, so you can pray for truth from His word to penetrate their hearts. And beginning again on the 8th of January we'll continue our bible study with these girls and about 14 other youth. We're also going to begin showing dramas in the community to share the word of God. I think the first one will be shown on the 9th, Lord willing. here's a few pictures from the time at sisiyi:

Here we are on top of the falls:

And at the bottom:

Studying the Bible:

After going under the falls:

And little Beatu, so cute:

Traditional Turkey Transportation

2010-12-20T10:31:00.003+03:00

It will never cease to amaze me the way women so skillfully balance so many different things on their heads as they travel...so far I think this might take the prize for most amazing...the pictures should speak for themselves...

yes...live turkey...yes...no hands assisting....yes...near vertical cliff face...yes...impressive...

ravens and doves

2010-12-16T22:41:00.005+03:00

We are planning to take another group of 4 young ladies to Sisiyi Falls Garden tomorrow until Sunday (12/17-12/19). Please pray as we share with them the Word of God and His heart for them. As I was praying for them this morning the picture God gave me was first of a black bird, like a raven or something that eats dead animals and/or trash. Then He showed me a white bird, like a dove, flying high above the ground, so peaceful, so free, enjoying the life of royalty in a sense. So my prayer is for transformation in these girls hearts in line with that. That those girls would be set free from any sin that has trapped them, and their eyes and hearts open to receive what their Heavenly Father has to give them, such as the lavish love He pours out on us. That they would have a life changing encounter with the King of Kings!

Thanks for prayers.

a "sweet" from market

2010-12-09T20:30:00.004+03:00

So I was at market today to pick up a few things, mangoes, fresh fish, avocado, watermelon, tomatoes and onions, etc...I was with my friends who are about twelve years old each, Betty and Abella. On the way into market there was one stall with a few things, and I saw some grey hard thing, like cement wrapped in newspaper, i asked betty what it was and just reached out to touch it and she says, ah, that's for pregnant ladies and quickly pulls me away. As we walk away Abella mentions, I've ever tried it (this means she's tried it before), it tastes good. Betty says, even me I like it. Apparently not just for pregnant ladies. Anyway, we walk throughout market and get everything we wanted. On the way out we pass by near that same stall, and a lady was sitting on the ground sorting through what looked to me like stones, Betty stops and says this is the one, the stones. So she reaches down and grabs some small, small, part of a stone, and eats it. Abella also is desiring one, so Betty grabs another little piece and hands it to Abella who also proceeds to eat. This is the stuff the pregnant ladies eat, I've figured. Now, I too am interested in what these "stones" taste like, Betty tells me they are like a sweet (candy), you can just suck on it, but Abella says she likes to chew it. So Betty finds me a piece and I try it. At first I suck on it, then chew it a bit. And then i proceed to spit it out as we walk away. It looked like a stone, so i should have figured it would taste like a stone. Well, I think it tasted more like dirt actually, but you get the idea.It was the worst "sweet" I've ever had. As we walk away Betty says the pregnant women love it. Let's just say for the time being, I'm glad I'm not pregnant.

On a more serious note, during the school holiday, so for december, january, and probably february, i'm doing a small bible study with these two girls two mornings a week, we are studying Matthew. please pray for our time together. when i asked if either had a prayer request this morning they both want to be able to read the bible better. Abella, just got a bible a month ago, and has already read through the gospels twice, and deuteronomy and now is making her way through Jeremiah. She said she is praying that she could understand the bigger words. Betty can't really read yet, a combination of poor schooling and we think a learning disability, so we're praying that God helps her brain to function

properly as it's intended to so she can also read a bible. Thanks for joining with me in praying for these girls. Oh that the love of Christ for His Bride would jump off the pages of His word in to their hearts.

Below is a picture of me with Betty and Abella a few months back, my hand is on Abella's head, Betty's the one with polka dots:

teaching - learning - praising God

2010-12-07T21:05:00.004+03:00

One of the jobs I have here in Soroti is to teach Lydia twice a week. She's the oldest daughter of the Shaarda's (missionaries on our team here). She's 7 now, and i'm teaching her 2nd grade math, reading and phonics, and health. Today we were learning about our eyes in health. And as I was explaining the pupil and how it responded to the light I covered my one eye and then had her watch as the pupil went from big to little. As it did she let out a little shriek of excitement and said, and we didn't even have to tell it to do that. That's right. I was just struck then and there in awe of my Creator. The way my eye has been formed, how it functions almost 100% of the time without me even being aware. I'm so glad I don't have to remember to tell my pupil to get bigger or smaller depending on thelight, or remind my heart to beat or my lungs to breathe. Our bodies are amazing and I'm so glad I get to teach these lessons where I'm reminded of the miracle of creation that we are, and the care that our loving Father put into designing and creating us. So as you find yourself squinting in the sun or straining to see in the dark, praise the Lord with me for creating us so fearfully and wonderfully.

Below is the only picture I have of me and Lydia together. We're the two on the right. On the left, my good friend Claudia when she was visiting and Lydia's little sister Grace. I guess I'll have to get a picture or two in the classroom...

healing hurting hearts

2010-12-02T08:08:00.005+03:00

Went back to Dokolo yesterday and had a beautiful time. The kids really seemed to get it, all wanted Christ in their lives and as they sang to their Lord, Berna and I went around praying for each child. After this we read the book You Are Special, by Max Lucado, and then had lunch. It was a privilege to provide some meat, rice and soda to a group of kids that normally misses out on lunch all together. Wow, and after lunch they were so excited and full of energy like we'd not seen before. After talking to Salume last time and getting her story and praying for her, we decided to talk to each of the other kids one on one and get an idea of who they live with and what their prayer requests are. It was amazing to discover that of all five of the girls we talked to that afternoon, not one of them lives with their mother, and only one lived with a father. Two girls have both their parents in another village, but are currently living with their aunties. And both these aunties mistreat the children. Florence is sent out to the garden at 5am by her auntie, and Karen's auntie accuses her of things that are not true. Both desire to go back home, but their parents aren't coming to get them and the aunties aren't bringing them back home. they say money is the problem, but i think it goes a bit deeper than that. Two girls have been left by their mothers. Catherine's mother left her with her grandma to go and make a new family. Modesta's mother left her to stay with her father. As we asked Modesta how we could be praying for her, silent tears fell down her face, the rejection by her mother is so hard on that young lady's heart. Then of course there's Salume who is a total orphan who lives with her auntie who mistreats her, denying her food, etc... I was encouraged a bit by talking with the boys, as 4 out of the 5 boys had both parents at home and their biggest complaint was being overworked, one the sole cow herder in his family, the other having to fetch water at night and carry the water on his head (usually it's only girls who do this). Only Isaac had one parent, just his mother as his father had left a while ago. After we finished talking with each child I shared with the group about what I've learned to be the two most important things that they should remember. Who God is and who He's created them to be. I kept reiterating how God is for them, not against them, and how it pains His heart to see them suffer so much, how much He loves them and how He is always with them. As I was sharing Modesta began crying again. I explained how beautiful they each are and how perfectly God created them just the way He wanted them, and how I pray that some of these things stick in their hearts and they cling to this hope that they have in Jesus. I pray that the reality of the love of Christ and the love of the Father and the presence of His Spirit with them would transform their lives. Each of these kids I place in the loving arms of the Father, knowing how intimately He knows each one and how He cares for each heart so gently.

Dokolo Bible Club Interrupted

2010-11-30T20:11:00.005+03:00

Today I went out to Dokolo primary school for bible club. Usually we meet on fridays, but Berna and I have been out of town for a few weeks and the school year is now ended, so we decided to meet twice this week. Today and Tomorrow. There are no classes right now so many of the kids came in the morning and just waited for us to come at 2pm. When we arrived there were only 3 of our regular girls there and 5 of the boys (we average 24 kids usually). But by the end of the time we had at least 6 of the regular girls and 6 of the boysand then at least 12 other kids who just wanted to be there with us, mainly from the grade level below. So we let everyone stay who wanted to and had a good couple lessons on making good choices and having peaceful responses when we're provoked. During the middle of the second lesson suddenly the kids started standing up and looking out the side of the church wall and I could tell something was wrong, but i didn't know what. Berna started running and as she ran by she said they see a snake. So we all ran about like chickens with our heads cut off, seeking safety. well, for me, I was seeking safety, but many of the kids were seeking rocks and sticks to attempt to destroy the snake. I made it around to the other side of the church in time to see it scurry (if a snake scurries) off into the grass. I thought it would surely be killed, but they said it disappeared (hence no photo) before they could finish it off. We then went back to bible study. I've had bible studies interrupted before, but never by a snake before...When we were resuming bible study Berna was asking the kids about the snake, they told her that there was no medicine that would help that bite, later the headmaster said that it was a cobra...no big deal, just a cobra...ahhhh!!! anyway. it was a good reminder of just how many dangers there are around at any time, and how many times the Lord has protected me from something, unbeknownst to me.

A few prayer requests from the day:

We're officially finishing the bible club tomorrow as this school year

is over, however the headmaster has asked if we could keep coming weekly and meeting with the children, please pray for wisdom in deciding if we keep going and if so, what we continue with...

The headmaster also said that at his church there's like 20-25 youth who could use some discipleship, like we're currently doing with the other youth in kamuda in the drama team...more wisdom on if, when, how, and what...to do

Berna and I noticed one of our regular girls, called Salume, seemed sad as we were about to leave, Berna grabbed her hand and started enquiring as we walked along.

She found out that Salume lives with her auntie and she is hardly eating as when the aunt prepares something for herself she seldom shares with Salume. Salume's other siblings are with different relatives. We took some time to chat with her and then pray for her. Please pray along with us that God would reveal His precious love for her and make a way where there is no way for her.

Nathan Update

2010-11-18T07:34:00.004+03:00

Many have wondered about Nathan now...how is he...is he eating...etc...

He seems to be just fine now, I think on the third day after birth he started nursing successfully. We just kept praying and Hellen kept trying. He got darker very fast and has the cutest chubby little cheeks. His excretory system seems to be working as he peed on my mom and nearly pooped on me. I've included a picture of me, Hellen, my mom, Hellen's other two girls, her husbands cousin and her son and another girl. My mom is holding Nathan.

One unfortunate thing for Nathan is he has two older sisters, so when she came to my house the other day he had a cute little worn-out/faded dress on, with hot pink plastic diaper cover thing on, and a pretty sweater. He was cute in the outfit, but i think i might work on getting the boy some trousers.

birth photos

2010-11-17T22:33:00.003+03:00

Here's the pictures i thought i included in the story from tuesday the 16th, but they didn't load right, so here they are now.

Baby Nathan just after birth:

Nathan sharing the incubator, just after birth:

Hellen resting place for the night:

Nathan's first bath:

All in a day's work

2010-11-16T18:21:00.002+03:00

It was the 19^th of October, a Tuesday morning, and I was about to leave my house to teach Lydia for the morning when I get a phone call from Hellen (really it’s just a flash and I have to call her back, but I’ll explain flashing another day). So I call her back. Hellen is my house helper, but she’s currently on maternity leave so a flash from Hellen, makes me pray that my call goes through right away, as usually the call is going through only 10% of the time. By the grace of God it rings and Hellen answers and says, “Rebecca, I’m going to have the baby today.” This is somewhat concerning to me as Jennifer, the nurse, is out of town for the next week, and Hellen’s last baby was delivered at home because she lives in the village and by the time she was ready to go she didn’t have time to get to the hospital. I asked her if she wanted me to come and pick her up, she said, “it’s ok” (which here means yes) so I said I would come and get her. I quickly postponed teaching for the morning and headed off the 13km in the car to go and pick her up. I couldn’t imagine her riding on the back of a bicycle those 13km while having labor pains, but I think that would have been her other option, or have another kid at home (which as we soon discover probably would have been a better option…but anyway…) I think the best way to describe the rest is a sort of time table, it’s almost a month later now, so I hope I can remember everything, but I have to document before I forget anything else.

8:45am, pick up Hellen from near her home

8:55am, discover we need to pick up a few things from my house (a basin for washing, a matt for sleeping on, some tea, and some sterile gloves, etc…)

9:00am arrive at home, pick up things we need, make tea and head for the hospital (should have delayed longer at home)

10:00am arrive at hospital, notice a man digging a small hole in the driveway, don’t think twice about it, park just outside the maternity ward. Yes, I think Hellen is the only one to have arrived by personal motorcar.

11:00am Hellen is seen by the doctor who tells her to get put on an IV, she’s dilated to 4. Dr’s supposed to check back on her again in 4hrs. The nurse gives me a list of 4 items needed from the pharmacy in order to start the IV. Gives Hellena black plastic sheet and her file.

11:15am, attempt to drive to the pharmacy, only to find out my vehicle is now stuck in the maternity ward as the man who was digging a small hole, was actually working on a ditch across the whole driveway.

11:16am, decide to walk to the pharmacy, good thing it is very, very, near.

11:45am, return with the IV stuff, syringe, more gloves, tubing, and one other thing…

12:00pm the old lady has arrived, this is the mother-in-law of Hellen’s, she is affectionately and respectfully called amongjong by Hellen, which means, old lady. This means I am no longer the sole caretaker of Hellen. At the hospital you have to bring someone who will cook for you, who will help you bathe, who will go and get everything you need from the pharmacy, who will advocate for you, who will talk with you, etc…I had told Hellen since early in the pregnancy that I would be her care taker, however, we both knew I wasn’t caretaker material, as my cooking of Ugandan foods left something to be desired, and I’m white so I’d get too main responses from people: laughter (from those who would watch me try to cook over a sigiri) or extortion (from the nurses who would charge us extra for everything since I should have more money) all that to say, I’m glad the old lady showed up and lifted some of the burden (she’s a good cook).

12:30pm Hellen appears to be in good hands with amongjong, so I decide to try to go teach Lydia for a couple hours, my car still being stuck in the maternity ward, and the ditch continues getting deeper and deeper. I pay a quarter and ride home on the back of a boda boda (which is basically just riding on the back of a bicycle) I make it home and quick eat a sandwich and go and teach.

1pm-3pm Teach Lydia

3:30pm Go back to the hospital to check on Hellen. Hellen’s IV is finished so she’s kicked off the bed she is on and there’s no room to wait inside, so she comes outside to sit and then she wants to bathe (again, glad the old lady is there for giving that assistance). Hellen wants me to go pick up some fish for supper and get my sigiri (little charcoal stove) and a knife and a few other things for supper.

4pm I walk over to the ever-increasing ditch and converse with the tired digger. He asks me if I want him to fill it back in so I can drive the car over, as much as that would be nice, I feel bad for the guy who’s been digging all day, only to have to fill it back in, though he could have mentioned when I was first driving by that he was not just fixing a pothole, but rather digging a large ditch across the only access point by vehicle to the maternity ward….anyway, I’m over it, so I think I can go up over a curb, on to the grass, around the septic tank, onto a sidewalk, over another curb and then back onto the driveway, it will be tight, but after talking to the “supervisor” of the digging, we think this is the best option. He doesn’t think this white girl could manage to maneuver the vehicle through such an obstacle course, but I’m determined and go for it anyway. Needless to say, I made it and I think my audience was pleased, although they were probably wishing in their hearts that I would struggle a bit more, at least it would have brought more entertainment to that depressing place…

4:15pm I drove home, got the things I needed from there, then drove to the market to buy some fresh fish and vegetables.

5pm Back to the hospital, I’ve found a new parking spot. This one’s not as close to the door, but at least I should be able to leave again when I want to. I deliver the fish to the amongjong and greet Hellen. We sit outside and then it begins to sprinkle some rain, we would move inside, but there’s not really much room to sit from in, so we head over to the edge of the building where the roof hangs over enough to at least offer some bit of protection. At this point let me go back just for a minute. When Hellen was on the IV she had a bed in the labor room (three beds were there), the girl next to her was only maybe a month along in her pregnancy and kept throwing up, but I digress, so anyway, whenever I wanted to see Hellen there I would walk through the birthing room (three beds were there with a curtain between each) I would see something new. One time I walked out of Hellen’s labor room to see a head breaking forth from the womb, another time I saw two new borns laying together in an incubator, they weren’t twins, they just only have one incubator. So babies are being born throughout the day with a constant rotation of mothers on the birthing beds.

Sometime between 5-8pm we move inside to the benches while the old lady cooks, enough of the women have had their babies that there’s some clearing on the benches. Finally the food is ready and we go and eat just outside the entrance to the ward, on the ground. The fish and posho is good.

Something like 10pm comes around and I decide to leave. I want to stay for this baby, but maybe it won’t come until morning and there’s literally no place to sleep. Every bed has at least one woman on it and every inch of cement floor is covered with patients and with their helpers and with their luggage and anything else. Everyone seems content, except one lady who is pacing and groaning outside, her time is very near. I tell Hellen I’ll see her in the morning and I head off. Leaving her in the “good” hands of the TWO night nurses. So many women, only two nurses.

10:30pm I go home, have a quick shower and go to bed. I just close my eyes and I think even literally that second my phone rings,

11pm it’s hellen. “Rebecca, there are no more IV bottles in the hospital.” Me, silently, “WHAT!?! You have to be kidding, a hospital with no more saline drip, how do you just run out of that???” Me, out loud: “So you want me to bring you some?” of course the answer was yes. Thankfully I live with nurse Jennifer and she just happened to have the stuff I needed and I didn’t have to try to find a 24hr clinic. Praise the Lord for that! So I get dressed again and drive over to the hospital with the goods. This time I park in the driveway to the maternity ward, stopping just before the ditch. I run in and deliver the Saline drip.

11:30pm The guard comes and requests that I move my car because if there is an emergency and an ambulance needs to get through I would be in the way. I try to explain that even if I move my car there is still a giant ditch across the road that would hinder any ambulance from reaching the front doors anyway, but I soon gave up and just moved the car. (somethings you just can’t understand)

12am Hellen moves into the Birthing room so she can be on her IV. Another woman has an IV hooked up while she sits on the floor, so I’m glad that Hellen gets a bed. As I visit Hellen in the birthing room, I realize her contractions are pretty close and I begin to time them, they’re less than 5 minutes a part from what I can tell from her grimacing and noises, etc… She’s now on I think her 4^th or 5^th Saline drip of the day, and I’m still not sure why, she says to help the baby come quicker, but I don’t understand. Much of the rest is a blur.

I remember the nurse came in just as I was debating whether I should go out or stay with her, and then the nurse told me to help Hellen take her clothes off because she was going to begin pushing. I figured that meant I was going to stay and assist. This was further confirmed when the old lady walks in and then walks out saying something in iteso which translates roughly to “I can’t do this, let me go get my friend to come and help.”

1:15am Hellen begins pushing. The nurse puts on Hellen’s last two pairs of gloves and says she better push because those are the last two pair of gloves and if she has to take them off before the baby is out there will be no other gloves to put on. (no pressure hellen.) Hellen begins pushing and pushing and pushing. I remember the nurse was of no help. She slapped Hellen once and kept saying super encouraging things like, “you’re not even trying to push” and things like that.

2:15am Hellen is still pushing and this nurse has now given up. She says she’s tired and Hellen’s not really pushing. So she takes the gloves off and goes to the office to get some shuteye. At least there is one other nurse. This one is also somehow not super helpful, but at least she’s awake. She says her strategy is to just not put the gloves on until the head is coming out that way she doesn’t waste the gloves. This nurse is in and out, walking around and then she goes to converse with the other nurse in the office. Hellen’s telling me that she can’t do this, it’s just too hard. I txted my mother at that point after remembering that she had helped others to push correctly. The time difference in America was good cuz it was just early evening for her and she replied quickly with some instructions. I tried to pass the word on to Hellen as best I could but she was about giving up. I told her she was a very strong woman, carrying 4 jerry cans even on her bicycle. She still said she couldn’t do it, but then all the sudden she was doing it. Of course the nurse was out of the birthing room down in the office when the head starts coming out. I certainly didn’t know what to do once the baby started coming, so I called her from down the hallway. She came and when she saw the head she put her gloves on and started pulling the baby out.

2:40am I’m pretty sure that you don’t just pull the baby out, and I wondered how the poor kid’s neck was holding up, but he survived and came out and was set on top of Hellen. He didn’t cry much just a little whimper. Once the nurse cut the cord she took the baby to clean the stuff out of its mouth and nose. She slapped the feet a few times and the baby started crying. Oh yeah, it was a boy! Praise the Lord he was out and alive. Placenta, etc…were then delivered and the nurse was super mad because the black plastic sheet that Hellen was laying on had got moved a bit in the pushing and didn’t catch all the “stuff” and it got on her floor. So then the baby is sitting in the incubator thing, and hellen’s laying on the birthing bed and the nurse has got me and the friend of the old lady and the old lady cleaning the floor and the bed and everything else.

3:15am everything is cleaned up, I want to hold the baby, but the nurse says it’s too tired. I can imagine, but it’s not like I was going to make him run or anything. So he just lays there next to another baby who was born several hours before who was also “tired” and super petite (I found out the next morning that that baby did not make it.) Hellen is about to finish up her 6^th Saline drip and I’m wondering where she’s going to go from there. All the beds are full in the “post birth” room and even the floor is full.

3:30am the nurse tells another lady who had delivered earlier in the night to move to another person’s spot and had that person move to another spot. Hellen now has a space cleared for her on the floor.

3:40am Hellen moves to her newly cleared spot on the floor just one hour after giving birth. No one else is close to having a baby yet so the second nurse also heads for the office for some shut eye leaving 50 or so patients unattended. The baby that is Hellen’s keeps crying. I try holding him and so does the old lady, and Hellen is exhausted, we can quiet him for a short time, but then he begins crying again, everyone else in this crowded ward is trying to sleep and our little baby is refusing to sleep. Hellen tries to feed him, but he won’t.

5:00 Finally she sits up with him and just starts praying thanking God and praying for her new baby. By the end of the prayer the baby had stopped crying and was resting peacefully. Hellen and the baby slept side by side on a thin matt on the cement floor as I sat on a bench somewhere watching the small rats run from place to place. Wow, what a day!

5:30am I’m now exhausted also and Hellen and the baby seem to be doing well and there’s no place for me to lay my head, so I decide to go home and sleep for a few hours.

6am-9am I sleep

10:00am I go back to the hospital and find Hellen sitting outside with the old lady and her auntie who has come to visit and bring tea. There was no place inside to be.

I had brought a skirt for her to wear since her other two now had blood on them and I called our guard to bring water b/c they were out at the hospital. Hellen went inside and got the health card and birth card and the baby got one shot and a few drips of some immunizations. She told me that I would be the one to name the Christian name and the old lady would name the other name.

12pm It’s time to go home. I go and get my car and we head for home. I told her I wanted to call the baby Nathan. She said it was ok. She nor the baby ever saw a doctor from several hours before birth up until she left. (I found out later that when she had first arrived the Dr. slapped her for having a white person with her).

1pm Arrive at home and give the baby a bath.

Still a lot of crying and not yet drinking anything. Hellen begins feeding with sugar water. Hellen’s husband the father of this baby, who decided not to come to the hospital at all was not at home when we arrived. When he did arrive he didn’t even greet the baby or ask Hellen how she was or anything, this culture is so different from what I’m used to. I told him, congratulations he had a boy. He left to go get water from the borehole. When 2pm I left I was a bit concerned about this baby, but I continued to pray because there was nothing else I could do. The next day Hellen called me and said the baby was still not eating kept crying, I didn’t know what she wanted me to do about it, then she says, “You pray.” So I hung up and that’s what I did. This whole experience made me realize just how dependant on our heavenly Father many of my Ugandan friends have to be. There’s no other option. And so they are blessed somehow through this fellowship of suffering with the Father a blessing in the states that we so often miss out on. The end.

constant, unbroken connection

2010-10-12T20:30:00.005+03:00

"If only I could make every child of His realize what it means that the everlasting God has given His dear Son, Christ Jesus, to watch over you every day, and that what you have to do is to trust. If only I could make His children understand that the work of the Holy Spirit is to enable you every moment to remember Jesus and to trust Him! The Spirit has come to keep the link with Him unbroken every moment. Praise God for the Holy Spirit! We are so accustomed to thinking of the Holy Spirit as a luxury for special times or for special ministers and men. But the Holy Spirit is necessary for every believer, every moment of the day. Praise God that you have Him, and that He gives you the full experience of the deliverance in Christ as He makes you free from the power of sin." Andrew Murray in Absolute Surrender.

This is one thing I've been learning here in Uganda. The desperate need that I have to be led along by the Spirit of God. There is so much need, there's so much that is just not possible depending on my own weak flesh. I need that connection with Jesus to remain unbroken throughout each day, and this is what Holy Spirit does for me. The Holy Spirit is the one that searches and knows the depths of both my heart and the Heart of God, and continually aligns my heart with His and my desires with His. Praise God with me for the gracious gift that is His Holy Spirit.

home visits

2010-10-11T12:07:00.010+03:00

Went to the village the other day to check up on three of the girls that we took on retreat. The first one we visited, called Dina, we spotted along the road as she was running to her home. She quickly brought out chairs for us to sit in and then ran off to the local town center to get sodas and mandazies for us her guests. (the picture with pig is Dina's grandmother and Bena as we wait for Dina to come back.) she was running everywhere, we could tell she was excited to see us again. One of the difficulties in visiting people in the village is that they always want to prepare something for you the visitor and you can spend hours under a tree by yourselves while the host prepares something, then the whole point of visiting is missed. In this case we only had to wait about 30min for our host to sit down with us...she went to get the sodas, came back sweating, b/c she was running everywhere she was going, needed to bathe, than she finally came back to us when her brother told her to go get more sodas and mandazies for us, there she went running again, but finally made it back, I confirmed with her that she should not bathe again we just wanted to sit with her, allow her to share and pray with her. (this is us sitting and sharing)

Her story is a hard one. Her mother gave birth and then pretty much handed her over to the grandparents to raise, no one knows who her father is. Now her mother has died and she still lives with her grandparents. I should say with her grandmother b/c the grandfather is actually staying with his other wife a few kilometers away so he's not really around most the time. Her uncle is only 2 years older than her so he grew up like a brother of hers, yet the grandfather has refused to pay for school fees any longer for this 17yr old girl. she made it to her second year in secondary school when her grandfather thought it time for her to stop wasting his money and get married. But she didn't want to, she wants to go to school, we think her grandparents could even afford the school fees and yet they won't let her go b/c they don't want to waste money on her. sometimes the auntie that's around will say mean things to her and tell her to go find her dad, then she goes away for a week to visit another auntie and calm down and clear her head. She loves the Lord and we really see her come alive when dancing and doing drama. And she loves singing in choir at church. After she shared with us some struggles, we prayed for her and her family and went on our way. We headed to the next house..that of mary's. But I think that's enough posting for right now. I'll have to talk more about her in another post later on. Please be praying for Dina, especially that she might be aware of her identity in Christ despite those around her not caring for her so much. Also pray that somehow she would be able to go back to school again. thank you.

Keeper of our hearts

2010-10-03T19:16:00.004+03:00

Wednesday nights is when the women from our team meet together for bible study. This last wednesday night I knew there would be much pain and frustration among the different team members, as we have been under what appears to be increased attack from the enemy. We decided to do a worship and prayer night instead of studying the bible. Jennifer and I were hosting. As each woman walked in the door that night I began to become overwhelmed with the burdens they were carrying. As we chatted I silently prayed for Holy Spirit to do His thing and minister to our hearts. As we began to worship and many of us began to weep I was reminded of how much Jesus cares for us. I slowly handed over each heart to him, confidently knowing that there was no one else who we could trust our hearts to like Him. I wanted to some how give peace and comfort to each heart, but I couldn't really even scratch the surface, however I saw Holy Spirit work in such a real way ministering to the hearts of us women as we ministered to our Lord. A deeper revelation and understanding of the perfect love of Christ came to me that night. I saw clearly the way He loves His beloved bride and longs for them to come to Him and offer their hurting, bleeding hearts to him. I was reminded of how he continuously intercedes for us, fights for us and how quickly we are to blame Him for not caring for us or forgetting about us. I thought of how much hurt was in a room of only 7 ladies, and yet wow, thinking of all the rest of the hurting hearts in Soroti alone none the less Uganda and the rest of the world. Praise God that He is big enough and caring enough to reach out to each and every one. Lord Jesus, thank you that we can trust you with the very depths of our hearts! Holy Spirit thanks for ministering to our hearts. Continue to lead us to the Father's heart. Thank you that what overwhelms us is not overwhelming at all to you. Your love is so much deeper.

Bible Study at Dokolo Begins

2010-09-24T21:20:00.004+03:00

I have for the last week been watching my team leader's children as he and his wife have been in kenya b/c of infection. Today i took a short break from babysitting to begin a bible study at the primary school called Dokolo in Kamuda. It will last at least 8 weeks as a trial run going through this program called Book of Hope. If it works well here we will train others to also go into other schools and do the same thing. They've given us 23 kids who we will meet with friday's from 2-4. they're giving us two hours during their regular school day. anyway. today the kids were pretty quiet and timid, but I can't wait to see how God works in their lives and they become free to share with us. Please pray for the students at Dokolo Primary School that we will be working with for the next several weeks. That the heart of God would really be portrayed by Berna and I as we share with these students. When Berna asked them today how many of them had eaten lunch, only one out of 23 kids raised their hand. I remember how much trouble i have focusing when i haven't eaten in two hours, none the less all day...

thanks for your prayers... a few photos from the day...

Learning the memory verse, Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

Drawing pictures of their families (i'll try to scan a few in once i get back to my house next week)

The school.

jinja

2010-09-19T20:46:00.002+03:00

spent just under a week in jinja going through a program called Transformation of the Heart. It was a time of examining my heart and listening to God. I'm still processing everything, so I'll have to write more later, but for now I just want to say I'm thankful that God is patient with me and only reveals as much stuff for me to work on as I can handle at a time. and so many times God gives us different names for Himself and yet still we cannot grasp, can't fathom Him really...His love...His patience...His persistence...all is but a shadow of what's to come. today i was learning about God as I AM WHO I AM. what stood out to me as i considered this name this morning. God knew that the Israelites would need that Name as they were about to embark on quite the journey. He knew that as they struggled through the wilderness and the unknown, that they would need to cling to the God who does not change, Who remains faithful, consistently, no matter what situation/circumstance they found themselves in. God says I WILL BE WHO I WILL BE. He is remaining the same great, faithful, loving, jealous God He always has been. This is the One who I cling to. And I tell you HE IS FAITHFUL and His heart is BEAUTIFUL and nothing can change that.

the kamuda girls' retreat

2010-09-12T15:00:00.003+03:00

Thank you so much to everyone who prayed for the retreat with the girls last weekend! I know God was working in their lives and is still working. I wish I could share more about the conversations, but to be honest, the majority of the conversations were held in Kumam, the girls' heart language. Bena led the bible studies or translated when I spoke if it was necessary. Bena would tell with me what the girls were sharing as she saw necessary. She shared that there was a definite sense of hopelessness for two of the girls, so please keep praying for them (Agnes and Dina). Agnes is the one stuck in a difficult early marriage situation and Dina is a full orphan whose grandfather stopped paying her school fees in the middle of senior high because he thought he didn't want to waste money on her as she would just get married and start having children. It was so good to see these girls free to laugh and enjoy themselves and God's beautiful creation, and learning from the word of God. They seemed to love the time they had there and even asked if we could extend it.

For me the hardest part was having to just sit and watch the bible studies. I wanted to be participating more in them, but I also understand how much better it is if it's done in their heart language. So I'm learning that the time when I'm simply observing I need not to get frustrated but use that time for praying for them as they talk. I'm still processing how we can do future retreats differently/better, but overall I'd do it again.

Retreating with Kamuda girls

2010-09-02T21:09:00.003+03:00

I'm leaving tomorrow (friday the 3rd) for a weekend retreat with Bena and 4 girls that are on her drama team. I wanted to give the names of the girls and just a bit about them so you who are joining in prayer could pray by name. First there's Mary, she's about 20 or so years, she was forced into an early marriage (at 15yrs) by her parents so that they could get the dowry. When she moved in with the husband's family she was abused so ended up coming back home. She knows the Lord, so at least she finds hope there. Then there's Agnes she was also forced into an early marriage at 15yrs and she's not much older than that now. She does not want to be where she is now and has tried to move back home to her family again, but they began abusing her so that she would go back to her husband. they did not want to lose the dowry that the husband's family has already payed. She does not know Jesus yet, so please pray that His love becomes so evident to her this weekend. Then there's Dina and Teddy. Both of these girls know the Lord and that's pretty much all I know about them at this time. None of them have bibles, so i will be giving each a bible and trying to share basically how to read it on their own each day. Bena's also going to be leading some bible studies on our identity in Christ throughout the weekend, "I am God's Child" "I am bought with a price, I belong to God" and "I am the salt and light of the world." Please pray for these truths to penetrate their hearts and that they would be open to sharing and feeling free to ask Bena and I questions and share concerns and what not. And we want to take time praying for/with each girl. I'm really excited about the potential that this weekend holds. We are going to Sisysi Falls, which is a great place about 1.5 hrs away that is so beautiful and peaceful. It's so far one of my favorite spots in Uganda. Anyway, we come back Sunday morning. thanks for praying.

Praying and Preparing

2010-08-25T10:55:00.003+03:00

The last two weeks or so have been pretty chill with most of the children on holiday and back at their homes in the village. It was good to have my friend Claudia visit from home and to have a week of quiet before things pick back up again. The Good Lord knows what we need. These next two weeks I will be doing a lot of planning and preparation for the next few months as I will be quite busy until at least January.

Some things you can be praying for:

I am teaching one missionary child, Lydia, 2nd grade, two days a week (math, phonics and reading, spelling and vocab, and health)

I have joined the choir at my church

I will be leading two bible studies for Senior High girls who are boarding at a school nearby

Bena and I will be leading a bible study for 20 jr highers beginning the third week in September and lasting I think about 8 weeks.

Bena and I will be taking small groups of Sr. High and post sr. highers on short weekend retreats focused on identity in Christ and Character of God.

Preparing for freedom camps for children who have been affected by armed forces that will take place in December and January and figuring out how to follow up and give continuing support after that.

Wisdom every day

That the deep in me would continue to cry out for the deep in God

My heart would be aligned with His heart

That our team would be more and more a team of prayer and intimacy with Jesus

Thank you for praying, these are the requests, the bare facts, though I'm sure there are more, please also when praying thank God for the work He is already doing and how faithful He has been in answering prayers. We serve a big God, praise Him with me.

Please if you could commit to praying for at least one of these items either email me or post a comment to say which one you will be praying for so that everything is covered. Or if there's something else you feel led to pray for you could include that in a comment or email.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

when nature calls...

2010-08-21T12:52:00.001+03:00

I had two girls stay the night last night, Betty and Abella. I’ve mentioned them before, both are right around 12yrs old and have parents who are rarely or never around. We watched a movie before going to bed and during the movie I suggested that we drink our sodas, as they didn’t want them at dinner but to have them with the movie. Betty said she did not want hers until morning with breakfast. I said, that drinking soda with breakfast is a bit strange and wondered why she wouldn’t want it with the movie. Then it was like a light went on in her head. She thought out loud, “Oh yeah, the toilet is inside here. Ok, I’ll have my soda now.” It’s just not something a twelve year old in the states has to think about. If you have to go to the bathroom here, for the majority of the children I hang out with, it’s a shared pit latrine somewhere outside. And the middle of the night here is dark and I mean dark. It reminded me that I am not in the states anymore.

sabotage

2010-08-19T08:30:00.002+03:00

I was just thinking this morning about sabotage. Nice light early morning thinking...i know. oh well. One of the frustrating things I'm finding here is how out of jealous and greed already desperate people are destroyed further. It happens in the macro sense and the micro. Warriors in one tribe raid their neighbors for cattle. Both groups are barely surviving and yet they go after one another and both groups suffer more unnecessarily. And then there's the story of the boy that escaped from the LRA after 6 years of captivity and he goes to find his land, his parents had been killed in front of him so they're not there, his relatives deny him everything, they've already claimed his land and now this one who has suffered years in the LRA now suffers as a homeless orphan on the streets. Then lately there's been jealousy showing its ugly face among some of the children and their families that visit our house. The grandmother of one is accusing the grandchild of the other trying to destroy her reputation among the white people. And I know this sabotage is done in the states too and around the world. Why is it so hard to be happy for others and not want them to get ahead? Why do the poor steal from the poor and ruin any chance of anyone getting ahead? Why do friends break relationship over the other's good fortune? The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. We must pray for hearts of love and courage to withstand the attractive allure of the evil one. Oh that Truth would prevail and we would build one another up instead of tear down. That we would be wiser to the enemy's schemes and fight for each other rather than against. Precious Savior have mercy on us.

AWP drama in Agama

2010-07-29T06:59:00.002+03:00

The town center consisted of various “bars” (several circles of men around pots of brew sipping from long straws), a few women with some tomatoes and various other staples, and a one room clinic & pharmacy. I had come with Bena and her youth drama group; they were going to do a drama on HIV/AIDS. It was supposed to start at two, but Bena told me we didn’t need to leave until at least 3 since the drama team would not arrive till late. We arrived around 3:30pm and didn’t see any of the youth yet. There was a charismatic catholic mass going on at the place where we were going to meet the youth. We decided to join in the mass until the youth arrived; at least it was something to do. The room was filled with ladies on the left and men on the right, ladies on the floor men on the benches. There were some 30 women and maybe 8 men.Of the 30 women I counted at least 5 pregnant ones and there were many who already had young children attached to them. The singing was beautiful; I love just the voices with the djmebe drum. The “priest” had them read about the story of Martha and Mary on the day that Jesus visited their house. His teaching was opposite of what I’ve always been taught. After a while we went outside to look again for the youth, finally we saw some of them approaching from the distance, they had walked a long way, some more than an hour. By the time we had the whole group assembled it was about 4:30, by the time we made it to the town center and had everything set up it was about 5pm. Only three hours late. It didn’t matter much anyway, except that those who were drinking were more drunk. Overall the drama went ok, many people watched it, from babies to old men. I found it interesting the parts they found funny; to me often it was sad because it would be something bad that was so true to their culture.

I’ve found that even though there are many cultural differences between here and America, sin is sin, and causes pain and despair no matter the culture; substance abuse, greed/jealousy, sexual immorality, just to name a few. It broke my heart to see so many young fully capable men living hopelessly, stuck in the grip of alcoholism and poverty. Please pray for our team; that more men would join this team to reach out to the young men here. There are so many different organizations around town reaching out to orphans and widows, but so few to the men. They need discipleship and mentoring from men committed to following Jesus. They need to know that there is hope even when it seems like there is no hope. They need to know that Jesus can help them overcome.

this picture is of an old man asking his wife for money to continue drinking...you see the stick in his hands? he's willing to use it for more than just an assistant in walking...if she refuses he threatens with beating...what's a lady to do? You can see the look on the lady's face says a lot. what a hard position to be in.

some of the engaged audience during the drama:

one scene in the drama about HIV/AIDS:

Lake Nakurut Kenya

2010-07-26T20:49:00.003+03:00

Some pictures from the time in Kenya:

Me and the giraffes...

Jennifer pondering the meaning of life...no probably just on the look out for dangerous predators...but i guess you could be pondering the meaning of life while on the look out for dangerous predators...especially since later that day we heard there were lions found in this area...woops...people, please stay in your vehicles...
this one's for you mom!
hmm...what have we here? I don't know, but it looks yummy!
this is me with a zebra in the background...i wanted some proof i wasn't just copying and pasting animal photos from National Geographic or something =)

Pictures-harvesting

2010-07-25T22:05:00.004+03:00

Here is my friend, co-laborer Bena with some small relatives amidst the cassava bushes. The poor boy has worn right through his britches.

This is me at Bena's mother in law's house with one of Bena's mother in law's neighbors harvesting g-nuts (they're really a lot like peanuts). we spent all day picking and if i was a paid laborer i would have made the equivalent of a quarter for my work. wow. but it was a good time with a good friend, so I didn't work for pay.

Pictures-in Omoro

2010-07-25T21:45:00.002+03:00

These pictures are from our time with the former child soldiers in the Omoro area. Here Rachel (a teammate) is explaining how to play connect four.

Here Bobby (teammate) plays parachute games with some of the children.
Some races were run.
and books were read.
all in all it was a fun day. good to watch kids just being kids.

Why did the children cross the road?

2010-07-11T21:36:00.000+03:00

The other day I was driving down the main road into Soroti with my friend Lawrence when I saw a group of very young school children on the side of the road. All of the sudden they ran across the road. Then they waited on the other side of the road and a handful of them ran back across the road. I thought this was funny (yet dangerous) game to play with small children…but Lawrence said that they’re being taught how to cross the street. I remember in Michigan when we were taught to cross the street it was make sure you walk, don’t run, remain calm. But here there are different rules to the road. You are taught to sprint to the other side because you just don’t know what could come down the road next nor how fast… after we passed the group of children with their one teacher, the rest of the students safely sprinted back across the street.

wonderfully made

2010-07-03T09:50:00.002+03:00

A poem one of the teachers at a school in Soroti wrote and shared with me:

I am Wonderfully and Fearfully Made

You are who you are for a reason

you're part of an intricate plan

you're precious and perfect unique design

called God's special creature

You look like you look for a reason

Our God made no mistake

He knit you together within the womb

You're just what He wanted to make

The parents who bore you were the ones He chose

and no matter how you may feel

they were designed with God's plan in mind

and they bear the Master's seal

No, that trauma you faced was not easy

and God wept that it hurt you so

but it was allowed to shape your heart

so that into His likeness you would grow

You are who you are for a reason

you've been formed by the Master's rod

you are who you are beloved

Because there is God

by Annet

Dorcus

2010-06-30T23:27:00.001+03:00

I was at home this evening reading with a girl who ran into the house to dodge the rain. When another girl, one of 16 years came walking up the driveway looking a bit distraught. Dorcus. I wondered what was wrong, but all she wanted was an envelope so she could send a letter to her mother who lives some 2 hours away in the village. I heard the two girls discussing something, ending with, “I don’t know why she’s acting like that.” I asked who they were talking about and that’s when I got most of the explanation of her distraughtness. Dorcus normally lives in a house with her Grandmother, her uncle and his wife and their two kids and then one other boy. The grandmother had to go to the village to be with her first born son’s children because his wife was admitted to the hospital. This leaves Dorcus with just the Uncle and his wife as supervisors. The problem is, the auntie has moved out and now refused to feed any one but her own two children. Apparently this auntie beats her husband and drinks and is now refusing to care for Dorcus. Hence the letter home to her mother in the village. She wants to enquire of her mother if she should come home and live in the village now, because life is so hard here. And you know it has to be hard for her because life in the village is very hard and for that to be desired above here, means it’s that much harder here. There’s no secondary school there. So if she returns to the village her education is through. She doesn’t want to inform the grandmother about the way the auntie is acting because then the grandmother will feel pressure to come back and then who will take care of those grandchildren? Wow. It’s a lot for a 16 year old girl to figure out, and she’s just trying to figure out who she is, that’s enough trouble for any teenager. We prayed together and I was completely humbled by her prayer. She asked for wisdom and peace in her heart, and even that she would be able to praise God even in the trials she was going through, she prayed against satan’s attacks on her life trying to mess her up and distract and confuse her. Even though I felt completely unable to help this girl, I was so encouraged that she knew that our Father was there for her. She has a faith that will help her in this time of need. She knows she has a God who hears and answers even when she can’t tell how it will all work out. I’m thankful that when I’m feeling completely helpless that I serve a God who is able. And He reminds me I’m not helpless because I can call on Him.

potentially dangerous waters...

2010-06-16T22:18:00.001+03:00

Today I went to Aboket Primary School with Bena to form a club called Vision Club. We taught them about their identity in Christ, and how to be assertive so they don’t end up in early marriages or become pregnant before marriage, or involve themselves in other activities that would prevent them from reaching their goals. It was good to observe and participate some. This school is only one kilometer away from a very large lake that is in the middle of Uganda. We wanted to see the lake since we were so close, so we were told to just drive until the road ends and we would reach the lake. Well the road ended and we hadn’t yet reached the lake…but we continued forward in the vehicle a ways further, through some tall grass and bushes. Then we saw some people, we asked if we should continue to pass by car or to walk. They said we could continue by car, and a man ran ahead of us and waved us on. So we continued a couple hundred feet further, then decided to stop as the “path” was becoming even more overcrowded and we were getting quite near the lake. I remember as we were stepping out Bena saying something about snakes, but I quickly dismissed the thought so as not to become paralyzed in the tall grass. She said she feared them more than me, as if that helped comfort me somehow. Anyway, we started walking down the “path” until it turned into a small water “path”, where we were instructed to take off our sandals. I thought we were just coming to see the lake, but apparently we were entering into the lake…I saw ahead the man who had ran ahead of us was preparing a boat for us to go out in (he would be our transporter). I didn’t find it to reassuring that bailing all the water out of the boat was part of this preparation process. The boat was like a canoe made out of thin wood, nails and scraps of metal. The boat could not come to us, we had to go to it. Bena first, then me, then Brittney (a current unsuspecting short-termer with iteams). I could tell that the water was not that deep, but I could not see my feet. This concerned me a bit, considering that Bena’s comment about the snake was still quite fresh in my mind. But alas, we safely made it into the boat with only muddy feet and wet ankles. We took off and when we got out of the reeds and papyrus the lake opened up before us and it was beautiful. It was so quiet (no speed boats zooming around) and peaceful and calm. After a while I begin to help paddle and we begin our way out further. When Bena wants to know if we want to continue across the whole way to the other side or turn around and head back. She says this a little nervously, hinting that she would be more content safely back on shore, but also as a good Ugandan wanting to please. I then remembered a key fact; most Ugandans don’t know how to swim. I asked Bena, do you know how to swim? She says no and we all share some good hearty nervous laughter. I’d give her my life jacket, but wait, there aren’t any. Well, she was a trooper and we decided to cross the lake just to get to the other side. Every other little hand carved boat we passed laughed at us and greeted us. Bena began bailing water half way across, I’m sure that must have been disconcerting to her, but she was willing to do what she could to prevent herself from learning how to swim this very day. When we reached the other side we turned around and we actually collected a passenger who wanted a ride across the lake. Not only were we carrying him but his bicycle as well. But don’t worry our transporter says hes carried at least three bikes at a time on his boat and he’s even transported a motorbike as well. This is reassuring…somehow…so we begin our trek back across the beautiful lake. As we approach the reeds which signifies the trip is nearly over the transporter casually mentions in the local language something which includes the word “crocodile” which apparently sounds pretty similar in English. I quickly ask Bena for a translation. She laughs, not sure whether she should pass on this newly gained knowledge or not. I told her I understood one word, which seemed pretty important…right…crocodile. She then proceeds to inform me that they often see crocodiles here, and when she was just about finished informing me of that, the transporter adds, and Hippos. WHAT?!? Get me outta here. I’ve seen the wrath of those animals on TV shows. As we enter into the reeds, my ears and eyes are way more attentive than they were on our initial embarking. Every rustle, every moving shadow needs to be closely examined. The transporter tries to reassure us that they are not out usually at this time of the day. I felt reassured only mostly. Anyway, I started paddling faster and we made it to the other side. The transporter and the man with bicycle got out and pushed us as close as they could to dry land and we quickly climbed out and through the black water full of everything scary and finally reached dry land once again. No snakes, no crocs, no hippos, nothing but beautiful lake, calm waters and good laughs with friends. God knows what I need and provides. I have felt a bit sad or oppressed some the last couple days. I just wanted to be able to play. And today, I was given this beautiful adventure across the lake with my new good friend Bena. It was just what I needed and I am so grateful to God for blessing me with this day.

Kampala: Theories of driving

2010-06-12T15:23:00.004+03:00

I made it back from Kampala, but not without developing some theories of driving in the big city. So far i have two theories that are quite over-arching and as long as you follow those you should be fine. I think once I think about it a little longer there will be some others as well. But the main theory that all other theories seem to hang dependently on is "The Theory of Self-Preservation." The majority of drivers out on the road do not want to see their vehicle damaged or themselves killed, therefore they do what they can to not get hit. For example: Say hypothetically you are driving down a two lane road with traffic flowing one lane in each direction. If the vehicle in front of you is going too slow and you want to pass but another car is coming, feel free to pass anyway as the car coming at you will either move over or slow down to avoid getting hit. Now if it's a big truck coming at you, they will not move over because they are big enough to hit you causing minimal damage to themselves. The other car may flash their lights at you, put their blinker on, honk their horn, but when it comes right down to it they will get out of your way. And if by chance you get scared and don't think they will move over you can always move back over into the other vehicle you are trying to pass because they too are looking to preserve themselves and so they will either slow down or move over. This theory also applies if you want to go around a massive pothole that would otherwise swallow you whole. You can go around into on coming traffic and they will generally get out of your way. I say generally because there are a few stubborn people that will drive right up to you and because of the theory of self preservation you will stop. Then you can remain nose to nose for some time until one person decides it's not worth the win and backs up and re-routes. The second theory which works because the theory of self preservation works is "The Theory of the Angle". This basically means as long as you can get the right angle you can cut any one off. For example, if you're at a traffic light that is red. A mob/blob begins building as you wait. Everyone pushes towards the front however they can. If you are on the right side of the blob and want to get the left side you just start inching your way in front of the car next to you. If you can get a sharp enough angle they have to let you in front of them because of the theory of self preservation. One time while stopped at a light I actually saw some one back up just a bit so he could get a better angle to change "lanes" and sure enough once he became more perpendicular to traffic he was able to move over. "The Theory of the Angle" also applies to turning on to a road from another road. it doesn't matter if there is traffic coming down the road you want to turn on to, you just have to find a big enough opening to get your nose in front of one car and the rest is history. even the person wanting to turn into traffic behind you can get in if he follows closely enough behind you and is able to maintain the angle. I've seen more than five cars enter into the road doing this. When the momentum builds it's hard to interrupt. This concludes the presentation of the first two theories of driving in Kampala. A note to the reader: You may or may not try out these theories in America and you may or may not be successful.

the weekend in Kampala

2010-06-07T10:55:00.002+03:00

Had a nice break from the ICC conference this weekend and stayed with a family from America who is serving in Kampala area with Show Mercy. It's funny how even though i had never met them before (Jennifer had met them) I felt at home. The American connection was a nice refreshment. We watched La Tormenta (its a mexican soap dubbed in english that is so bad it's hilarious to watch), pippi longstocking and star trek, made pizza, and went to a church that had a heart of worship and good bible teaching. I was able to visit their ministry sites (one of which i had been to in 2007). It was good to see some of the children at the children's home that i had seen three years ago. They have grown (obviously). ok. That's a good update. now back to the conference.

Obalanga & ICC

2010-05-28T21:24:00.002+03:00

Today we went out to a village called Obalanga. The roads there are mostly not paved and mostly not smooth, but we made it in maybe 1.5hrs. Obalanga is a place where refugee's from within Uganda set up camp back when the LRA rebels were wreaking havoc in the north of Uganda (2003/4). At once point the LRA surrounded the camp and didn't let anything/anyone in or out of the camp, needless to say it was bad and some 12 people on average were dying each day until finally the village created their own militia group and was joined by the Ugandan Army were they able to free themselves. International teams has used some of its money over the last couple years to help properly bury those who had died during that time by creating mass graves for the unidentified and individual graves for those who were identified as people would be digging their gardens and come across bones and bring the trauma right to their face again. The ICC (international criminal court) will be coming to Soroti and Obalanga tomorrow to see the graves and meet some of the kids affected by the LRA. We are doing a big portion in hosting these people. So today we went to Obalanga and tore out weeds that were growing very tall among the graves. it was a hot and long day. I couldn't help but see a lesson that God wanted to teach me as I was hoeing. As a follower of Jesus it's one thing to say I follow you Jesus and then just live on, but if i leave the garden of my heart weeds will come. If I don't let continually Holy Spirit into my heart and have Him cleanse me, my heart will be come choked out by weeds and will loose track of my purpose and my identity in Christ. Jesus isn't supposed to be just a one time decision, it is a constant relationship, a constant abiding. and He will make me more and more like Him. Ok, in my brain it makes sense, but i'm tired so don't know how well that translated into actual words.

a few pictures from abim

2010-05-18T17:15:00.002+03:00

kids in the training session

one-on-one with one girl who has lost her whole family to warriers

walking one of the girls home after training was over for the week

Abim

2010-05-18T16:17:00.003+03:00

I arrived back from Abim yesterday. Also went up to Moroto for a night. Abim was beautiful. The people were welcoming. I basically hung out with about 15 girls for the week. All of them have some how been affected by karamojong warriers (which are the cattle raiders who have wreaked havoc in those parts for several, several years, or they were affected by the LRA which was in that area briefly. There was much pain in many of their stories. So many who didn't have any parents still living. They are in situations I can't even imagine. One girl was living with a guardian who said that she had to marry her son or else move out, when she went to stay with an aunt, the aunts husband said she could only stay if she would become his second wife. I just can't imagine. and she's probably like 15 yrs old or so. Another girl was being pursued by her primary school teacher to have sex with him, and yet she was able to stand firm and not give in to him despite his efforts to effect her school performance if she refused him. She's a full orphan meaning no parents, since she was born. She was shot by the LRA in her knee. She was raised by a guardian who loves Jesus. She knows that she has a purpose, she cries out to God when she has a need and knows that she would not be alive today if she did not have faith in God. She's seen His hand too much in her life not to believe. It was encouraging to speak with her. Though there are many problems in her life Jesus has given her hope. There's hope for the others as well. Though many have left them throughout their life, they have One who will never leave them nor forsake sake them, who hears their cry and saves them. My prayer is that their eyes would be open to how He loves them and is with them and that they see their God given purpose in this life.

ah-ha

2010-05-09T21:44:00.003+03:00

Just had an ah-ha moment i thought i would share. So I was thinking about how i get frustrated with people when they don't trust my intentions for them. I want them to see my heart and how it loves them. and it hurts me when they doubt that. so all the sudden, i realized how I affect the heart of God in such a way. He shows me over and over again His heart of love and compassion and how His intentions are for my good and not to harm me. Then something hard comes along and I want to blame Him, and doubt Him. And He must say oh beloved...don't you see my heart for you, look at all the ways I've tried to reveal myself to you and shown you my love and you're still questioning me and doubting me and my intentions for you, don't you see I gave my life for you. TRUST ME! Trust my heart for you. Thank you Jesus for your patient persistant pursual of your people.

goat distribution

2010-05-07T22:09:00.005+03:00

So I was supposed to leave this morning around 8am to go oversee the distribution of goats that International Teams had donated money to buy for former child soldiers and their families. Mode of transportation is a dirt bike. Lawrence (with an organization called Fida) and I on the dirt bike. We are supposed to go to three different sub-counties, it makes for a long day of travel. Especially when the road has been washed out and we have to go around.

but i'm getting ahead of myself here. we were supposed to leave at 8am, but someone else had used the bike and was stuck out of town because the rain and the bike was malfunctioning. so we didn't end up leaving until after 1pm. (hoping the bike was fixed well enough...) And so we are just flying down the road, even up to over 100km/hr on these torn up clay roads. Lawrence already drives fast, and now we're in a hurry...when we finally get to the first place they complain about having been there since early in the morning, but we move on and get the goats distributed.

we head to the next place, but run into the washed out road, and when we finally find our way there, no one is around. so apparently they are still out buying the goats...then we leave and go to the last place, this time the road was washed out but passable... by the time we get there it is getting late, maybe around 5pm and we've missed the goat distribution, they got tired of waiting and just distributed without us there. At least we were 1 for 3. oh and one more picture for good measure, we needed some fuel so we stopped in this one village and they filled us up with fuel from a coke bottle...

a village burial

2010-05-06T16:42:00.004+03:00

so today i went to a burial. it's so hard to put everything in words, i will try since i didn't feel right taking pictures there. So I have a friend here called Bena, she's married, one baby, and she's 29yrs. She loves Jesus and wants to help the girls from her home village know how God sees them and show them that God does have a purpose for their lives, she's started an organization called Alive With Purpose. I have really enjoyed getting to know her and hear her heart for the people here. Anyway, so I was helping her in her office type up the constitution for renewing her community based organization certificate. I asked if she wanted to come home for lunch and she said she could not because she had to go to a burial. her great-grandma had passed and was being buried out in the village in the afternoon. So...then she asked if i wanted to come with her. which i did. I am trying to take every opportunity to learn more about the culture, plus I wanted to be there with my new friend, to support her. The youth pastor from her church stops by the office at 11:30am, he was supposed to arrive at 9am to go over something with her, but apparently he was delayed...Bena says, african time, i just smile. she tells him she no longer has time to go over whatever they were going to go over because she has to leave for a burial. then enters the associate pastor from her church, charles, he works for an organization called Light, he has a vehicle. when he hears about the funeral he offers to drive us, along with simon (the youth pastor), Bena says they will come and now simon has begun calling others to come too, Bena says that it is good for others to go and stand with the person who has lost someone. we stop by my house on the way out and pick up jennifer, then we swing by somewhere else and pick up another lady, dina. we are now, the 6 of us in the truck cab, and we head out. the village is near so it only takes maybe twenty minutes. the road is bumpy but the four of us across the back are pretty tightly packed we don't move too much...we turn off the "main" road to the village and start driving on a walking path for a short while and then we park outside a cement house that Bena says is her family's. Now we proceed to walk further along the path which opens up to a compound with maybe 4 or so huts on it. the introductions have already started, and the temporary shelter that has been constructed the previous day is now packed with women on the floor and men on the benches, the shelter is big sticks standing up right with branches over top. the people have actually over flowed from the shelter and there are people under every edge around each hut, and under a tree. there were over 300 people...not going to lie, felt a little out of place walking into this scene. i spot the coffin amidst the people, Bena heads toward it, jennifer and I and the pastors follow shortly behind. she kneels by the coffin briefly we just stand, then she introduces her self and her friends (that's us). we say our names, they clap and then some men clear off a bench for us to sit on in the front row of benches. there were a few more introductions after we sat, but they cut the rest off because they could tell rain was approaching. the grandmother was catholic. while one man is praying for her, another is standing up saying that that's not necessary because it's not helpful once she is dead. then the pastors we came with preached the word of God, a few people raised their hands to accept Christ. then we did some sitting, some standing as we went through what i think was some part of a catholic service, then another pastor shared the gospel as well, for a long time, many fell asleep, and all in a language that i did not understand. then he went over to the other people sitting around the huts and started summarizing what he had been teaching under the shelter but people began telling him that the rain was coming we had to hurry up. so we got on with the rest of the service. but at anytime while someone was talking a lady may enter into the shelter crying a loud for this dead grandmother, someone would try to console and the person speaking wouldn't even skip a beat, everyone's attention would just be diverted for a brief time. ok, i better move this story along. so they eventually put the white sheets over the body and put the lid on it, carried out from under the shelter and lowered it with ropes to it's final resting place. the service continued. someone got down on top of the coffin and put sticks across the top of it, i think maybe to keep it from floating up if it was heavy rain or something, they were also mixing cement on the side of the grave, but the rains came heavy and we ran back to the house before we got to the rest of the covering of the grave. and it ended just like that. everyone else was just beginning to eat. we met Bena's father (who teaches at Gulu University) and then we prayed together and left. ok, so that's enough for now i think. all in a day.

where to begin...

2010-05-05T18:01:00.002+03:00

I'm thinking how do i write..., i want to share, but i don't quite know how...so almost a month has passed. maybe i'll just start from where i am. if you read this maybe you could just ask specific questions in the comment section that i could answer.

cars & kids

2010-04-08T19:42:00.002+03:00

Got a car today. see jennifer's blog for pictures, www.atimeasthis.blogspot.com it's quite amazing really. When people asked me before I left what was I most afraid of, one of the things I almost always said first was driving. and today I drove. and no I didn't start out driving in Soroti where there are very few cars, but in over-crowded Kamapla. who has like one working traffic light. I thought I would be so much more nervous, but found myself continually agreeing to drive through Kampala even when I've had no experience driving from the left side of the car on the left side of the street. I'm sure there will come some more nerve wrecking times while driving and i ask for your continual prayers for this, especially supernatural awareness of potential dangers, like kids running in the street and reckless taxi drivers. God definitly granted me peace as I got behind the wheel, so thank you to all who have been praying for this for me. Also today while driving, and waiting at the one traffic light (for three rotations of the light at least) I was reminded of the extreme poverty and desperateness that we find ourselves in. So many kids came up to our windows while sitting so long at this light. Each with sad eyes and hungry tummies, and we don't want to give money for multiple reasons (often they are pretty much enslaved to an adult who takes the majority of it, or they buy things to get high with) and I didn't have any food with me, and it's just hard to ignore them, and even harder to look into their eyes. I found myself hoping that the traffic light would change quickly so I wouldn't have to look at them any more and feel so helpless, but really, when the light changed and I moved on, those kids were still there, they could still be there now, several hours later, and I wonder where they will sleep tonight. Its amazing how quickly we forget the need around us when it's not right in our face. that's why it's so easy for the rich church in america to become so complacent and selfish. it's not in our face in america everyday like it is here. We can turn off our tv's or close our books and forget about all the stuff going on around the world that we need to be pleading to our Father about. here it will be in our face everyday. and part of me is thankful for that, as much as it breaks my heart. I can experience a little more of our Fathers heart as it breaks for His sweet and precious children that suffer so. I was going to be done, but also must add this. Our Father's heart must also break for the children in the American church as well, as they get whatever they want, when they want most of the time and are filled with so much of this world that they have little appetite left for Him...ok. must go. think about it. pray about it...live it out...

desert places

2010-03-25T18:00:00.002+03:00

I was reading a book last night, Drawing Near by John Bevere and he was talking about the difference between Moses and the Isrealites. The Isrealites wanted whatever they could get from God, but when things were rough they'd just soon go the other way, even if that meant away from God and back into slavery. Moses on the other hand desired the presence of God, even if that meant months and years in the desert place. When God suggests that His people could continue on to the promised land and settle there, but He could not go with them for fear He might wipe them out, Moses stands in the gap. Instead of giving in to the temptation of the promised land without God, Moses shows His desire for the presence of God above all else. He says to the Lord, "If your presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here" (ex 33:15). "He desired the Lord Himself more than His promised blessings. He prized initmacy with God above any treasures God could provide"(p43 Bevere). Am I willing to say this with Moses? Am I willing to say I will not go without you Lord, even if the way looks oh so inviting, even if it means waiting months or years in the desert place. For I desire you far above all else.

LPT

2010-03-19T04:50:00.002+03:00

Praying for more fear of the Lord and more revelation of His love in my life and in the global church, His precious bride. He is a jealous Bridegroom King, coming with consuming fire and burning passion, any encounter with Him, with His Spirit leaves us changed. We must approach His throne with that expectancy, that He is at work, that He will change us, that He is willing, that He is wholly devoted to us and yearns for us to be wholly devoted to Him. Are we willing? Lord make us willing.

Makerere University Prayer Request

2010-03-17T18:41:00.002+03:00

Some riotitng at Makerere University in uganda, it is one of the main Universities in the country. See article: http://www.newvision.co.ug/D/8/12/713150

LPT 21-22

2010-03-17T05:29:00.003+03:00

Today as i was praying I was blown away by the church, the bride of Christ. Thank you Jesus for praying for us that we would have unity. So many times I only see the seperation in the church, the discrepancies, but today as I was praying for Luka and his family, I was amazed to think of how many different churches from different denominations and people from different countries were praying, practically the whole city of Grand Rapids it seemed like and more. It has been beautiful to see the way the church has responded to such a hard/heartbreaking situation. When there is a need the church does come together often, and I pray for more unity. That as the days get scarier and scarier, the church would be refined more and more and continue to respond in love, when governements are frustrated and kings and presidents wearied, let the church serve Jesus throughout the earth, in the hardest placest, let the love of Christ be sown by the work of a unified bride. Let us not be afraid to go deep with each other, to suffer with each other, rejoice with one another, Jesus prayed that the church might have the same kind of unity that the Father has with the Son...now that's something to think about.

LPT 11-20

2010-03-15T16:05:00.004+03:00

Please pray for my Soroti teammates Josh and Mandy and their family. Their little boy Luka is very sick and in hospital in Kenya currently. See http://shaarda.blogspot.com/ for more information. Also please pray for our team leaders Tim & Angie Sliedrect and their family as they adjust back to life in Uganda after being in the states for several months. I can't wait to join both of these families in a few weeks, they have become very dear to my heart.

LPT 8,9 & 10

2010-03-05T06:27:00.003+03:00

Woops, a little behind. Oh well, so I know there are some things that I have been learning. I think the thing that stands out the most is that it's hard to stop 6 times a day and pray. I am usually praying when I'm supposed to, though not always, but I find myself always trying to pray while I'm doing something else. And i think in general, that's not bad to be in prayer while doing common duties, I think that is good. But when I don't consider the time set aside to pray as an important enough thing, to actually stop what I'm doing and just pray, that's when I run into trouble. I want to get better at really stopping what I'm doing and just pray, even if it's for five minutes. The stopping what I'm doing and declaring, this is important. Prayer is an important enough thing to me that I will stop what I'm doing to interceed on behalf of my brothers and sisters around the world. the other morning I was praying against the pet culture in america. I love dogs and cats and most pets really but as I was praying I could see how we use pets so we don't feel lonely, use them because they don't judge us, they are such unconditional lovers, well dogs are anyway...we use them and in the meantime forfeit the opportunity to grow close relationships with real people. People relationships are too dangerous, we have to be too vulnerable, so we cling to our pets instead, lavish all of our love on our pets when there's so many people in need of love. i think i have more thoughts on that, but i'm super tired. Jesus help us to not be afraid to love well those you put in our path, even if we know it will hurt us at times.

LPT-7

2010-03-02T04:58:00.002+03:00

I think my new favorite part of this multiple prayer times is when I wake up in the morning that is the first thing I think about. I start my day asking God what's on His heart and how I should pray throughout the day. It's a beautiful thing. I don't have all I have to do overwhelm me first off, I have thoughts of Jesus and His love for me and for His other precious children. This I am enjoying. I think my alarm set in the mornings will always remain as a call to prayer, even when this lenten season is over.

LPT-6

2010-03-01T07:14:00.002+03:00

This morning when I was praying for USA, I asked God what I should be praying for. I began praying for the christian youth, that their parents would not try too hard to keep them safe. While safety is a good thing most the time, protecting or attempting to protect people from some things can actually hurt them worse...hmmm...so I just kept praying that God would give courage to the youth of the nation to follow hard after Him, that they would not cling to this life too strongly, but willing to lay down their life for Christ. And for courage for the parents of these children that they would let go of them, entrust them to God. For me maybe it's easier said then done, because I have not had children yet, but I am praying even now for my future children that they would be willing to lay down their life for Christ and for myself that I would not get in the way of this, but actually encourage complete obedience to Christ whatever that may look like.
Later, during worship time God reminded me that He is always with me, and that His angels are protecting me and will continue to do so in the future. He also began showing me how strongholds are broken during worship, though i do not even pretend to understand all of it, or at least how to put it in to english words.

LPT 5

2010-02-28T07:37:00.001+03:00

Here's what praying about for Congo today:
copy and paste link below to see/read more about it.

"** Child sorcery in DR Congo **
Increasing numbers of children in DR Congo are having their lives ruined by accusations of sorcery, writes Mike Thomson
< http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/em/fr/-/today/hi/today/newsid_8530000/8530686.stm >"

LPT- 3 & 4

2010-02-27T19:06:00.003+03:00

This is hard, yesterday I completely forgot the 7pm and 8pm prayer times. oh but I wanted to talk about Thursday morning. I decided to listen for what to pray for America. So I just waited and this picture of a coffee shop came to mind and a girl was sitting there and then she asked everyone in the coffee shop was anyone with their one man? And one girl ashamedly held up 4 fingers (signifying she had been married to 4 guys) then everyone else looked at each other and all either had multiple lovers or were currently living with a boyfriend, not married. I asked God what this meant and this is how He responded. This is about American culture. He said see how this mars their view of me. They get the picture that it takes multiple lovers to be satisfied and they don't see how undividedly faithful I am to them, and how I alone can satisfy. So I was able to pray for american christians that they would see how passionately God pursues them, and that they would see how He alone satisfies. And I prayed for my future husband.

LPT-2

2010-02-25T06:20:00.002+03:00

Definitly need to write the early morning prayers or else get all the way out of bed...anyway, today was a good day of prayers. At the 1pm prayer it felt so good to just stop mid-day and refocus. I've realized that these prayers don't even have to be that long, even 5-10 minutes and I have been refreshed for more of the day remembering my purpose. During the 4pm prayer time I was just staring out the window meditating on God's creation and He reminded me that even though it's still winter already the buds are coming out. This encouraged me to think that I can be going through a hard season but He can still be doing a work during the hard, coldness of that winter season. I could almost hear Him saying, take heart beloved, see I am doing a new thing. And then later as I was walking outside and watching the stubborn oaks still holding on to their old leaves, He reminded me to let go of my pride. See how silly it looks for these trees to be holding on to these dead leaves, it's just as silly for you to be prideful. He wants me to let go of it and remember that it is because of His work in me that I bear any fruit. To God be the glory. Amen.

LPT- Day 1

2010-02-24T05:30:00.002+03:00

So I completed the first day. Not too bad. One thing though, I need to scrap the schedule for tomorrow. No, I'm still going to pray at those times, but at least for a day or two I need to come to God in my times of prayer and allow Him to prune me, and point out the things that I'm doing or thinking or saying that are not of Him. In BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) we are currently working through John 15 where Jesus is the vine and the Father the Vinedresser and me a branch, grafted in that He wants to see bear fruit. And I'm going to devote at least the next days prayer times to that. Worship of my Triune God reveling in His holiness and love and asking Him to reveal anything that clogs up His flow of holiness and love in and through me. God revealed to me today that my prayer time is often focused on what He can do for me or others across the world, this should not be. Yes, good to pray for self and others, but pray in such a way to bring glory to God, that the prayers, at the deepest part of them need to be for God to be glorified, Jesus honored. Oh Lord, teach me how to pray.

Lenten Prayer Times--LPT for short

2010-02-23T04:59:00.003+03:00

So I've been praying about what I should do for the time of lent and I've decided to follow the mslm daily prayer times. I know it's alittle late to start Lent stuff, but better late then never. I'll be praying 6 times a day at the times of day I would pray if I were a mslm in Uganda. Of course, I am not mslm, or in Uganda yet, but I will be praying as a follower of Jesus. So I'm going to divide up the 6 different times of the day, and each time pray for something different. The dawn prayer which will be around 5:50am will be for something to do with the United States, the Sunrise prayer (around 7am) will be Uganda , the Noon will be Congo, the afternoon (around 4pm) will be Sudan, the Sunset (around 7pm) will be Middle East and the Evening (around 8:15pm) will be a focus on some aspect of the Trinity. Then I will follow a schedule suggested by Andrew Murray (one of my favorite authors) called Helps to Intercession. This schedule will help me to focus on a certain aspect while praying for these countries, etc...And I'm going to try...to TRY to blog at the end of each day about what God revealed to me in my times of prayer, the struggles of trying to pray 6 times a day and the rewards. I share all this so that I will not back out of it, b/c I don't want to give up on this. And what God teaches me in this time I want to share with anyone who reads this. So that He too may touch your hearts. I start tomorrow, the theme for the day is the power of the Holy Spirit.

The Dance of Time

2010-01-13T06:24:00.002+03:00

With the prospective departure date of March 13, I am left with 8 weeks in these United States. And I realize I'm doing the dance of time. There are funds to be raised, there is homework to be done, there are people to see, games to be played, or should I say won...hugs to be given, shots to be had and research to be done, neices to play with and nephews to wrestle, good-byes to be said, have i left anything out? probably. so I'm trying to balance that all out, and it's not easy. Plus, there's the ever-increasing reality, that I am going to a third world country that is at least mostly stable for now, I will know about 8 people there to start, disease and violence are working overtime, and I will be around 2 long plane rides, one long bumpy van ride, 24 hrs worth of travel away from any of my family. And as crazy as it sounds, I love it. As much as I'm scared, as much as I'll miss my family and friends here in Michigan, I love being beckoned in to my Father's heart, to a place that is forsaken by so many to tell His love story. AND I CAN'T WAIT! Oh the beautiful things He will do.

Jesus Customer

2009-12-04T08:02:00.004+03:00

I thought I'd include another quote from another book I'm reading, because it made me stop and think for a while, and really I'm still thinking about it even now. It comes from the book In God's Underground, by Richard Wurmbrand. He's a pastor that was tortured in Romania during communist rule around the 1950's. He writes about how two guys, Daianu and Ghinda readily gave up their faith so that life would be easier for them and they could leave the prison. A man in the cell with Wurmbrand comments, "Strange that men who wrote with what seemed deep Christian faith should turn traitor so easily!" Wurmbrand's response is, "Perhaps the answer was that in their writings Daianu and Ghinda praised Christ for the gifts. He gives us--peace, love, salvation. A real disciple does not seek gifts, but Christ himself, and so is ready for self-sacrifice to the end. They were not followers of Jesus, but customers; when the Communists opened a shop next door with goods at lower prices, they took their custom there."
Am I just a customer of Jesus, seeking the gifts He has to offer or am I seeking after him? If at a given time all He has to offer me is suffering, will I still cling to Him, still trust in Him, still praise Him? Lord teach me to be your bride, not your customer.

In Jesus' Name

2009-10-31T04:17:00.002+03:00

I am currently reading a book called Deep Wounds, Deep Healing by Charles Kraft (it has been very good). I wanted to share one thought that I had been learning about over the last couple months that I think he puts into words well. "I once had a discussion with a friend who was discouraged in her prayer life. It seems that she had prayed for several things 'in Jesus' name' but was not receiving what she prayed for. We discussed some of the possible reasons. Praying in Jesus' name, I told her, is not so much about how you pray or what words you use in prayer, but more about who you are in prayer.
"Many Christians take Scriptures like praying 'in Jesus name' and use them like magic incantations. They think that if they get the phrasing right, then the desired answer will follow. My friend needed to understand, though, that praying 'in Jesus' name' meant living in Jesus' name so that the desires of her heart would be more closely associated with the desires of that 'name.' Her desires would be more in tune with God's desires. Powerful prayers are initiated by those who live and pray in Jesus' name.
"Such intimacy doesn't have to be a mysterious thing for us however. I don't think it was for Jesus. We need to spend time in the kind of give and take that cultivates a close relationship. When we talk with God, we usually call it 'praying.' This term, however, obscures the fact that talking and listening to God are to be natural and constant, not an occastional ritual. We are prepared for ministry if we try to practice intimacy with the Father in Jesus all day, every day. (p81)"
Mr Kraft challanges me to live a life in line with the name of Jesus, the character of Jesus, and pray out of that, rather than just adding the words, 'in Jesus name' to end of all my prayers. The more I listen to God, really take time and listen, the more I get to know His heart and how it beats and longs for every person to experience the love that He offers, and the better I am able to pray in His will and thus see answered prayer.

christ-ianity

2009-10-10T07:06:00.002+03:00

what would christianity look like if we took away the "ianity" and were left with Christ? Following Jesus, it goes beyond cultures and beyond rituals and rules. What if we strip away all that we humans have added to the raw good news of Jesus? How would our lives be lived differently? What would the church look like? How would the spread of the Good News of Jesus be affected?

Song lessons II: even Obama will bow before Him

2009-09-20T01:02:00.002+03:00

I kept forgetting to finish my song lesson series, well, more like a mini-series I guess, since this might be the last, though maybe not. This is from another song we sang at a church in Uganda. "We bow before You God, We bow before you Jesus, even the presidents, they bow before you, even Obama will bow before you." When I think about this, I am reminded that no matter how powerful we think certain humans have become, Jesus is still more powerful. Even I have the capacity, the capability to be more powerful than the president because I have the Holy Spirit and have authority by the blood of Jesus. It is weird to think about, but true. As followers of Jesus, the King of the entire universe invites us to ask of Him things, to approach His throne with confidence, tells us the same power that raised Jesus from the dead is in us. How responsible have I been with that power? Have I even done anything with that power, have a I realized it's potential yet, have I even scratched the surface? As I am here training to go to Soroti, Uganda, I hear of the powerful work of Christ around the world. I realize I need to be more sensitive to Him, to His direction, to His calling in day to day, moment by moment, and more open to what He calls me to now. I need to have a perspective of people out of love, always through the lense of the love of Christ.
So I didn't talk too much about the song, it got me thinking to say the least.

Hezekiah, embracing the love

2009-08-26T15:28:00.000+03:00

Hezekiah also reinstated the passover. Passover is normally celebrated in the first month of the Jewish calendar, but because of all that went down in the last years it had not been properly celebrated in a long time. Any in Hezekiah's reign they weren't quite ready to celebrate it in the first month as the repairs were being done, so did they decide to wait until the next year? No. They talked about it and decided they had to celebrate it as soon as they could. So they did in the second month. God's chosen people had been split into two areas a while back, and were actually just at war with each other during the last king's reign. But this did not matter to Hezekiah, he invited all of Isreal and Judah to come to Jerusalem to once again celebrate this important holy feast. Embracing the love means seeing with eyes of God, seeing how He loves beyond our own conflicts, beyond enemy lines, beyond religious lines, oh that every man and woman might come to Him through Jesus. No one is more deserving the other. And because they were so out of practice concerning coming to the temple to worship many came that had not cleansed themselves yet. They should not be included, but they are. Hezekiah knows the heart of God because he prays, "May the good LORD pardon everyone who sets his heart to seek God, the LORD, the God of his fathers, even though not according to the sanctuary's rules of cleanness." and the LORD heard Hezekiah and healed the people. God recognizes the hearts that are seeking Him. Hey, we may not have it altogether, we may even be afraid to go inside the building because of our "dirtiness", but God sees the glimpses of faithfulness in our hearts, and He meets us where we are. Set your heart to seek Him. See how He meets you, and even though you are dirty, provides a way through Jesus to come to Him. He's not concerned as much with so many rules and regulations, mainly that you set your heart to seek Him. One glance of your eye, it takes His breath away. Embrace His love, and know He's embracing yours.

Hezekiah, Kingdom man

2009-08-26T15:04:00.000+03:00

Hezekiah seems to get it. As soon as he's named king he takes seriously the job before him. And his first order of business isn't killing off potential coup leaders or securing anything for himself, he's mainly concerned with God and repairing His house. "In the first year of his reign, in the first month, he opened the doors of the house of the LORD and repaired them." 2 chron 29:3 After many, many years of war and evil kings neglecting and destroying the house of God Hezekiah embraces the love of God and acts. He calls everyone to return worshipping the Lord in the temple, and reinstates levites and priests (those who could lead the worship). He doesn't have the people bring him taxes and gifts, but rather has the people bring what they have to God. When things are going crazy and life seems to be falling apart, it's so easy to focus on ourselves and be overwhelemed and throw ourselves a pity party. Look at Hezekiah and learn. There's no pity party there even though he comes to reign in a beaten and broken down kingdom torn apart by faithless leaders and foreign countries. Pray that you will be courageous in the ways of the Lord. Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness (that is Jesus). It's so easy to get stuck in our kingdoms (oh poor me), but try hard to worship even in the midst of your defeat and seek to repair the kingdom of God and your own kingdom won't seem to matter too much anymore. God will open your eyes to what is important, He will draw you near to Himself.

song lessons I: Jesus is a Fat, Fat God...

2009-08-21T13:03:00.000+03:00

One sunday morning at a church plant just outside of Soroti, Uganda, a few Americans (myself and four others) attended a worship service with our Ugandan brothers and sisters. In the Ugandan church that we went to we sang some songs in english and some in ateso. Most the time it even took a while to realize that we were indeed singing in English. One of those times when I figured out we were singing in english I realized that we were singing, "We serve a Big, Big God," I was glad to realize we were singing english and started to join in and then the next phrase was, "We serve a Fat, Fat, God, We serve a Tall, Tall God." It caught me off guard, woah, did I just call God fat? and is that ok? Us americans all just kinda looked at each other and laughed and just kept on singing. I started thinking about it and it's true. We do serve a fat, fat God. In Africa in the majority of settings it is looked upon as good to be called fat and even to be fat as it means you have abundance of wealth and health, and joy. And, well, my God, He does have an abundance of wealth and health and joy, which He shares with His children. So in the end, I decided it was good to call God fat...not lazy and stuffing himself with food kind of fat, but full of wealth and life and joy kind of fat.

Blessing

2009-08-05T15:26:00.000+03:00

Lots of money, a big house, a great job, a loving family? Are those blessings? Lossing a job, the death of a loved one, hard, unclear decisions, no money, homeless? Blessing? What is blessing? I am under the impression that in the western church we often come up with a skewed, limited idea of what blessing is. I just wanted to challange you to look at what you call blessing and why you've labeled something a blessing or not. I know for me, when I look at my life, I wouldn't call my parents divorce a blessing, and yet I was blessed through it because I leaned into the Father's heart. I wouldn't call going through the breaking off of an egagement a blessing, but I am so blessed to now know better the Lover that Christ is to me. When looking back over my life I see that the times when I felt truely blessed were when I really had to press in to God, when I didn't understand things, and when I couldn't explain things, and I was ready to give up, its then that I experienced a new part of God's character that I otherwise would not have been able to experience so thoroughly. It was then that I felt most blessed, that this God of the universe would share Himself with me. When in Uganda, one might say, oh, they struggle so, and we have so much blessings at home and they have so little here. But think about how distracting our "blessings" in the states are. Think of how intimately some in Uganda are able to experience God because they don't have those "blessings." We can be truly blessed whether we are living in America or Uganda, it's all a matter of perspective.

the eternal song

2009-07-01T06:16:00.000+03:00

At the request of my friend Jennifer, I am posting something I wrote for a hiking/camping trip that the young adults from remembrance church went on near Lake Michigan a month or so ago...

Ok. Stop. Cease striving, and wait patiently, expectantly. Listen. Hear the rhythm of your breathing, of your heartbeat and then listen all around you...to the waves, the trees, the birds. All proclaiming the Glory of God and at first it seems so subtle, so nonchalant, but if you just listen and watch. Listen to their testimony of His goodness, watch them proclaim His faithfulness. Notice the persistence, the relentlessness of the waves, crash, crash, crash, never stopping always working, so relentless is His love for you. The trees, rooted so deep, and yet the tiptops are so sensative to the wind, will go with the slightest breeze. So you, see how Christ wants you rooted deeply in His love, standing firm, yet recognizing, be sensative to moving with every move of the Spirit. And the birds, hear their joyful chorus. Join in, for they sing a new song and we must join them. Read Psalm 98 and Isaiah 55:12. Creation is calling out, proclaiming his glory. They are joining into the song that has been sung since Jesus took His spot at the right hand of the Father. Read Revelation 4. Really try to picture it, see creation around you joining in and then even yourself, if you're so bold. really just take a few minutes and listen, and join in. Sing the New Song, the song of the Lamb. Salvation is now. Just as the trees, the waves, the grass, the birds are doing what they were made to do. You too were made to live lives of worship and abundant life. Let Holy Spirit guide you into the presence of the King and you will be a changed person. Let Him pour the sweet refreshing Fountain of Life over you. Feel it. Let him soften your hearts and restore unto you the joy of your salvation. Salvation is now, it's not, wait until you die and then start praising Him. Join in the eternal song. Learn from the creation around you, see how everything is a shadow of what's to come. Watch, listen, and then join in, relax and let your heart be molded in His presence.

What makes your heart hard? What makes it so hard to just sit and listen and worship? What is most distracting in your life right now? What needs to get cut out, what needs to get brought in? How ca we, as the church around you, best serve you? What are you guarding your heart so closely? What are you afraid of? The purpose of God cannot be thwarted (Job 42:2). Read Job 42:2-6. What is your response? Will you join the eternal song...now?

New Hampshire/Vermont

2009-06-13T23:35:00.000+03:00

God has blessed me with great opportunities to share His love and to enjoy Him through relationships and through His creation. I am done with my New Hampshire/Vermont stint of my trip and arrived on the Mass. north shore last night. In New Hampshire I reconnected with my old roommates from college the first weekend, and throughout the week ended up helping out at the school that Amy (my old volleyball coach) works at. I helped chaperon a 7th grade trip to Old Sturbridge Village, I taught gym class for 3rd grade and 5th grade one day. I thought I was better at dodge ball, but the 3rd graders definitely showed me up. The main reason I came to New Hampshire was to help with the high school trip to Boston, but I ended up helping with the vermont trip instead, which i loved because i got to spend more time working with Amy,

and we camped on a farm
and we ate good food
and went hiking
and had solo time where we could just be quite and listen out in the woods near a stream
and we got to dig a grave for a blind sheep
and we got to trim some trees
and go sailing on Lake Champlainand build relationships with high schoolers and demonstrate a life lived for Christ

anyway, i had an excellent time.

a way where there is no way

2009-06-05T16:26:00.000+03:00

Today I was reading 2 kings 6 & 7. I'll give you my brief synopsis. OK, so there's famine in Samaria, so bad that some are even eating their children. There's the opposing Syrian army camped just out side the city. Inflation is at an all time high. It all looks so hopeless, doubt and despair fills the city. Hunger, disease and death are everywhere. But once again God offers a way where there is no way. The Syrians hear a large army approaching quickly and assume somehow the Israelites have gotten some assistance from another area. They flee quickly leaving everything burdensome behind, discarding more stuff as they go along their way. Little do they know, there is actually no army approaching, but God has only made them think that there was. Soon the Israelites discover that the Syrians have fled their camp and left all their belongings behind. Skeptical at first the Israelites finally loot the Syrian camp. Prices drop back to normal and the town is saved. God provided for the Israelites, not because of the boldness of the city, or because they deserved it, but because of His grace. Elisha alone declared it and believed it would happen. This story reminded me to believe when things are hopeless. when there appeared to be no way to God, He provided a way through Jesus. When things appear hopeless in your life, cry out to Jesus, God will provide a way where there is no way.

its for the birds...

2009-05-02T15:27:00.000+03:00

Last year I made a birdhouse and hung it out behind my grandparents house. It was for a certain type of bird that I can't think of the name right now of, but to my dismay not one chose it as a place of habitation. But to my great joy this year it looks like some nuthatchers (a blue&black little bird) have started building a nest, they look like they are enjoying it so much and are quite busy. They will have a safe place to bring new life into the world and be protected from storms and predators. Now, go with me here for second. It may be a stretch. Think of the birdhouse as the foundation, just like Jesus. God offers us Christ and He is the safe place. Just as the jew rejected him, so too the other bird that the birdhouse was intended for rejected the birdhouse. Just as I am taking delight that these birds are abiding in my birdhouse, God takes delight when we abide in Christ. Just as I do not force the birds to choose my birdhouse (not could I if I wanted too), God does not force us to choose Christ, but offers Him for all, hoping that all will choose Him. Just as I know storms and predators will come, i delight that the birds have a refuge to go to, a place to rest and be protected. God too tells us that storms and predators will come into our lives, but we can find refuge, rest and protection in Christ Jesus. Just as the birds use the birdhouse to bring new life into the world, God uses Christ to bring new life to us. Thank you Father that you teach us about yourself everywhere we look. That you do not hide yourself from us, but reveal your love through even the simple lesson of the birdhouse. Thank you Jesus for being our refuge, a place of new life, for allowing us to abide in you. Father constantly remind us that you delight in us, not because we are somehow able to build a life that meets your satisfaction, but just because you love us.

inheritance

2009-04-18T23:05:00.000+03:00

I was reading in Numbers 32 the other day about the time when the Isrealites were just getting ready to cross the Jordan and enter into the promised land, finally. Well the Reubenites and Gadites (two of the twelve tribes bound for the promised land) wanted to stay on this side of the Jordan because the land was good for their flocks, at first Moses was upset with them thinking they were wimping out. Finally he told them that they could have that land for their inheritance as long as they sent all their warring men over the Jordan and helped the other Isrealites claim their inheritance. The Ruebenites and Gadites promised, "We will not return to our homes until each of the people of Israel has gained his inheritance."v18. God asked me, would you be willing to do this? would you be willing to continue to fight for the Lord away from home until each of my children has gained their inheritance? It's a hard question. I already have my eternity secured, I've been given my inheritance from Christ, but will I do battle for the Lord so that others may recieve their inheritance as well? Will I stay comfortably in my home or in my promise of Heaven or will I go out and fight against the evil one, and love others to Jesus. I chose this way of love or discomfort, because though it is most likely more difficult, others will be able to recieve their glorious inheritance. Other's lives will be transformed by Christ and that makes every trial worth it. Because God will get the glory that He deserves.

Father love

2009-02-02T05:19:00.000+03:00

"My Father sees, my Father hears, my Father knows." (andrew murray) Sometimes I forget that my Father already knows what's happening to me, that it's not a surprise when I can't find a job or my car breaks down with no backup in mind. He sees, He hears, and yes He knows. He knows that I will inevitably cry out to Him, wondering why. Yet He is patient with me, more patient with me then I am with my self I reckon. A lot of times I let the image of earthly dads limit my picture of the Eternal everlasting Father. When i started thinking about it, I came up with a list to try to put together the perfect father, and here's what i came up with, though i'm sure it's not an exhaustive list, and am open to suggestions. He holds me, laughs with me, explains things to me, teaches me, asks me questions (even when He knows the answers) listens to pointless stories, rejoices in my victories, loves my dedication and perseverance, helps me when i fall, speaks words of encouragement when i fail, and instructs me. He disciplines me when i'm disobedient, he loves me more than I'll understand. He plays with me, works with me, points different things out to me. He shares his wisdom with me, shares meals, rewards me, does stuff for me, fixes things for me, picks me up, comes to my rescue, makes me know I'm beautiful, has long talks about life with me, tells me if he thinks a guy's good enough for me, always wants what's best for me which doesn't necessarily mean easiest...He loves me and shows me this in too many ways to count. To think as Jesus presented this picture of God to the disciples, the judgement law God would have to be transformed into this Father picture, not just having laws to have laws, but out of love, laws to show His love and care for His precious ones. And going beyond the law to save us with His Son. Mercy triumphing over judgement. Thank you beloved Father. You never change, you never fail.

a strong stench arose

2008-10-27T02:30:00.000+03:00

Well, it's not everyday you get dragged on your belly through dog poop so I thought I'd write about the occasion. I was letting the dog out after church and she had been in her crate for a couple of hours so she was quite excited to be free, and plus there was a half-duck, half-swan right along the lakefront (yeah, we're not really sure either...) so obviously she was excited about that, and couldn't wait to get out side. I had her sit, wait and and then I opened the door and innocently enough gave her the OK and she took off, I just happened to be on the other end of the leash and, well the dog is a lot faster then me, and before I knew it was running out the back door with her and down the back steps right toward the lake, but I couldn't keep up and too stubborn to let go of the leash was dragged down face first into the ground. I cut myself slack cuz I'm recovering from being sick and not at my full strength, and I give myself credit for managing to dive to the side and hit grass rather than cement. But I did end up letting go of the leash eventually, just a little too late and the damage had been done. As I stood up and assessed the damages and re-gathered the now wet dog, I noticed a somewhat strong smell raising up from very near me. Only to look down and realize it had not been just grass i slid through, but there was a little extra present from the dog that I managed to collect on myself. First it was just my sleeve and then a little on the right hand, oh and somehow on the left hand too, and oh wait on the sweatshirt too. well at least the jeans are still in good shape minus the grass stain. i go inside and start shedding layers only to find that the "present" had also ended up on my jeans and somehow under my shirt...so i decided there was no mistaking it, all clothes including jacket would go in the wash and i would go in the shower. and finally the ordeal was over...thanks Murf for helping wash my clothes. So then I ponder, what could i possibly learn from this, how is life compared to this? Here's what I came up with. Sin smells like poop to God, the smell of it is offensive to him, and it needs to be to us too. Because I didn't smell too bad to begin with, though it was almost time for a shower, I noticed the smell of poop right away and was disgusted by it. But had i just rolled in a little over time and let it sit, and kinda forget about it, I'd get used to it and so if i rolled in more poop somehow, I probably wouldn't notice as much, or wouldn't be so bothered because that's what I've been used to smelling. Same with sin. If we sin and don't immediately ask Christ to forgive and cleanse us, we start getting used to it, we convince ourselves, well that's not so bad. We don't notice how offensive it is to God and to those around us and to ourselves. We become so used to it and it becomes so much a part of us, that we go around all stinky and think things are just fine. (kinda like when I don't shower for a few days and my family notices my smell before I do...) We sin more and more and get deeper and deeper into sin and don't realize the stench that we are putting off. My prayer is that I would be so close to the heart of Christ that any even hint of sin in my life would be so offensive to me that I would run to Christ and ask him to forgive and cleanse. I do not want to be running around smelling like poop and not even know it, that would be terrible. And thank God that every time I roll around in smelly stuff and then come to realize I've messed up again, He is able to wash me clean by the blood of Jesus. My stench is never too great for Him to overcome with the precious bloood of Jesus. And that's something I do not want to abuse.

"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. Isaiah 1:18

stretched

2008-09-26T00:32:00.000+03:00

Yesterday I found a small spring on the ground at work, it was about an inch long and I liked it. Anyway, I started pulling it apart and stretching it out and when I pulled hard enough it didn't go back to it's original size, but stayed stretched out. I even tried to push it back to it's original size, but no such luck. As i thought about it a prayer came to mind. And I thanked God that I am like that spring, that as i go through things that stretch me, as He pulls me along I am changed and i can not go back to the way I was. Everytime i went to Africa, I could feel Him pull me, when I went off to college, and when I went to camp to councel, I could feel Him stretch me out whenever I took these steps of faith and obedience. And when i had to quit my job to go to Uganda, when my engagement had to be broken, when my car blew a tire and spun around and was totaled, when my cousin died, when my grandma died, when my uncle died, I could feel Him pulling me, stretching me, and I would never be the same. He taught me, saying, beloved, you must trust me when you don't understand, when it makes no sense to you, trust me, none of these things caught me by surprise beloved, no, not one thing. These things that happened, these steps of obedience can not be undone and even the steps of disobedience, the steps of faith, every bit of stretching and pulling, it's been done, and I am not the same and I can't go back. Now when the unexpected happens I know that God is still in control, I can't go back to being not sure, too many times He's been faithful, too many times He's stretched me to what I thought was my limit and now I can't help but believe, that He is for me and He is stretching me for His glory and my good.

good gifts

2008-07-18T03:48:00.000+03:00

So today I was riding to work on my bike when I noticed that my IT Band (I forget what it's short for) didn't hurt anymore. For a couple weeks it was hurting and it made riding my bike painful and not as much fun. One day I prayed Jesus please, would you please heal my IT band, and don't worry I gave Him a good list of reasons why this would be beneficial to me and Him even though the healing wouldn't be at some major event for all to see. Well this morning I realized that He had answered that prayer, (it must have been my great reasoning skills =), actually more like His grace). My leg doesn't hurt anymore. So that's awesome, praise God! But you know what was the disappointing thing, I was afraid to thank Him, thinking for whatever reason, once I saw how He had blessed me and acknowledged it He'd take it away. Do I really think He's that cruel? I sure hope not, but I quickly prayed for forgiveness for treating Him that way. Instead of rejoicing in all circumstances, I'd let bitterness from previous circumstances and experiences dictate my present response. I allowed satan to steal my joy. I've found one of the most helpful things when I struggle with this is constantly reminding myself that God is FOR ME not against. He is a God that gives good gifts, that works all things out for the good of those who love Him, who left paradise to join us in suffering in order that we might join Him in paradise. Why is this so hard to believe sometimes, so hard to accept that God wants to lavish us with His love. Who am I to judge God and consider whether He is fair or not to me? Holy Spirit be our teacher, reveal the Father's beautiful heart. And Father forgive us for living in such a way that we forget that you are for us and long to lavish us with your love. Jesus, thanks for being the best gift of all.