observations at a Mslm funeral

Jules*, so tough, yet so loyal, faithfully carrying her friend Natalie out of the mourning room, laying her on a matt and then settling herself just behind her friend, ready to serve her however she could next. Mama Natalie giving her daughter local medicine for grieving and ripping off branches and leaves to carefully hold over her grieving daughter, protecting her from the sun. It was Sara who had first came and called for Jules and Molly to carry Natalie out. The big sister caring for her follower, carefully watching over her. Molly, another seemingly tough one, and yet I find her crying at just the sight of others crying, she weeps with those who weep....but don't mess with her or her friends. 4 guys pass by carrying one women who is beside herself with grief, and shortly after another unconscious griever gets carried by. This is serious weeping, weeping with no hope, no assurance. The two Mary's keep quiet, ready to do what needs to be done, go get a matt, go get medicine for headache, go get whatever, and it's done. They don't know what happens when someone does. Do they go to heaven or hell or what?

Natalie grieved very hard. What started as gentle tears and soft gasps worked up into violent heaves and streaming tears. Unable to remove herself from before the body, this is when her faithful sister called for help with transport. Does she grieve because she's regretted things in the past? Grieve because her two young children are now fatherless, and she herself a widow at 33 years old? Grieve because she still loved the man though they had been separated for a couple years? Grieve because a young man's life was cut short, what had started with such potential ended so suddenly, Hepatitis took this man's life, slowly and yet so sudden. Does she grieve as one that missed the chance to share the Good News, having herself not committed to the Good News? Will she one day weep at the foot of the cross? I wish I could understand the language, speak the language. I wish I could offer words of encouragement, but as far as I know this man is in hell. And now it's too late. Maybe it's better that I can't communicate so well. Now the rain has started, somehow the way Natalie began crying, slowly, quietly and then increasing in volume and intensity. Our Lord is crying with her. Weeping with those who weep. He wants to give her hope. He wants her to know just how close He is, just how much He cares. He wants to reveal to her there's a better way. Oh Lord, let nothing hinder her heart from becoming fully devoted to you. A lady comes in late. Crying, shouting, what's she shouting? she's shouting, "What has the dead left for me?" Seems selfish.

*no real names were used, though the experience was all too real.

angry and afraid=unwilling and distant

I've been back in Uganda now for nearly a month, but have only spent something like 5 days, maybe 6, in soroti. After I first arrived in Soroti, a few days later Jennifer (my housemate/teammate) became quite sick with malaria and had some other symptoms we weren't sure about so we went to kampala and jinja totaling being gone about a week. Then upon reaching soroti once again i had some 3 days before heading with a group of youth from the village, who have been affected by armed forces, to Jinja for a Father Heart Encounter weekend. After that weekend, I've stayed in Jinja for another week to help out that ministry (mto-moyoni.org) by staying on the compound while the two leaders went to go do a training in Holland. Besides doing one bible study in the village and one father heart weekend I feel I haven't done much ministry since returning. i'm itching to get back to soroti and being able to follow up with youth again. But while staying at Mto Moyoni I know the Lord has some things to teach me and I am enjoying spending some much needed alone time with Him. hmm...this is already longer than i thought it would be...oh well...so...I realized when I first started staying here I was avoiding time with my Father for some reason. I couldn't tell what it was, but I would do anything but get quiet with Him. I finally realized what I was doing and began asking Him to point out what the deal was? What thing had happened, or what was I thinking that I wanted to keep Him at a distance. We made some headway, over the next couple days I'm happy to say, but I think it was a compilation of many things. Anyway, this morning during my quiet time I was doing a bible study on David by Beth Moore and some of her cronies. She was taking me to the time just after Uzzah touches the ark of the Covenant, trying to steady it from falling off the cart, and God kills him. Here they were having great celebration bringing the ark, the very Presence of God back to their own people, and then God has to go and do something like kill the guy who was only trying to help. (but they shouldn't have been carrying it on a cart in the first place, but that's for another day...) Needless to say "Then David was angry because the LORD’s wrath had broken out against Uzzah" (2 sam 6:8) and David was afraid of the LORD that day and said, “How can the ark of the LORD ever come to me?” (9) and so, "He was not willing to take the ark of the LORD to be with him in the City of David. Instead, he took it to the house of Obed-Edom the Gittite" (10).

David was angry at God for what He had done and also afraid of Him and so he wanted to keep him at a distance. I think we could say he was offended by God somehow. I've never done this before, and I'm sure you haven't either....right... actually we do it all the time. God showed me through this bible study that that was how I was behaving. Some how He had offended me, i became angry and afraid of Him and decided to keep Him at a distance because it seemed safer that way...But like David was a man after God's heart, I want to be a woman after His heart. "Now King David was told, “The LORD has blessed the household of Obed-Edom and everything he has, because of the ark of God.” So David went to bring up the ark of God from the house of Obed-Edom to the City of David with rejoicing"(12). When David saw how being near God was a good thing, how it brought blessing, when he was reminded of God's faithfulness and goodness he longed again to be near God. And was again rejoicing as the presence of God came near. So today our loving Father was encouraging me to not get offended by the things He causes to happen, or allows to happen that don't make sense to me...instead...draw near. For it is our nearness to Him that is our good. God wants to be near to us, to struggle through things with us, but are we not willing? Let's be willing, He longs for us to return to Him with our whole heart. Thank you Father for this loving reminder to me this morning and forgive me for being offended by You, and thank you Beth Moore for serving the Lord through providing this study of scripture.

waiting

I'm waiting today. A simple drive from Jinja to Soroti. 3.5hrs normally. well we made it about 40 minutes to a town called Iganga. Then the brakes started giving me trouble. They would only begin engaging at the end of the depression of the pedal. So we stopped. In my opinion you need reliable, responsive brakes when it comes to driving in Uganda. Let's see, we stopped around 8:45am, it is now 2:14pm and we're still in the same place. First they had to diagnose the problem, then they had to look for the part. No, the part is not in Iganga. It's the "servo" that needs to be replaced, apparently...After searching Iganga for the part, they searched their own "yard" they found a dilapidated truck that they thought might work, but alas, it was just a bit too big. Now we've called our mechanic in Jinja and he is searching all of Jinja for the part. If it's not there, they will try Kampala. I've already gone to the bathroom a couple of times, gone to eat lunch, finished one book and started another, i've watered the plants that we're carrying with us, looked for hidden treasures amidst the junk that lies scattered over the yard, i've watched many people (the way I love being watched), and I've called many people trying to figure out the car situation and the situation with Jennifer. Jennifer is with me and not feeling well. She's gone up and down since Monday, feeling somehow better, but not quite there yet. She just wants to sleep and the back of the car is not the most comfortable, and the car that was once parked in the shade has sat long enough that it is now in the sun to add to the discomfort,...but she's trying. What should we do with her? More tests or does she just need more rest? We've been out of Soroti since tuesday morning in one clinic and then another. We're both tired of running around and the guessing game. The Dr.'s number won't go through b/c her network is down..."temporarily." The clouds appear to be building now, if we're lucky it will begin raining, but if at least the clouds brought some much needed relief from the sun we'd take that too. Well, I just continue to write because I don't know what else to do. I think I'll go pray. My friend's house help told me to start praying double b/c of the times we're in...maybe I'll take her advice now. Why do I want to fill my mind with information? why not just close my eyes and fix them on Jesus for a while??? Hmmm...seems like a good idea. Still waiting, but I think i'm going to use my time more wisely now...peace out...

Just another day in Kamuda

I traveled out to Kamuda for bible study on saturday. I left around 2:30pm for our 2pm bible study and it takes about 15-20minutes to get there, so just before 3pm I reached the location and found no one else had arrived. I feared the worst. That they had stopped meeting while I was gone. I called one of the young men I expected to find there and he informed me he was at home, but he was coming. And sure enough slowly by slowly, one by one they came. We finally started around 4pm. One of the youth (she's the oldest, somewhere around 30something) had been put in charge of leading the bible study portion. She arrived just before 4pm. We were just about to start (there were about 8 of us) when a drunk man came over and shook my hand and held on for about the next 5 minutes or so, telling me thanks for reaching up to their village there and could we get a couple pictures together and could I tell america that, "the complaining dirty man in kamuda greets them." So consider yourself greeted. By the time I could pry my hand loose and re-engage in the group one of the other members had left. So now we were waiting while others looked for him. Alas, he was not to be found, so we decided to just start. We sat on two benches facing each other, just outside a clinic. But because Mary wanted to share the word with those waiting around the clinic she turned her back to us and began preaching. (My best chance at a translator was the one who had mysteriously left during the conversation with the drunk man.) It's hard to tell if any one of the clinic people were listening, but the group seemed to be paying attention, I was praying that people would hear only truth. After some time most of the people from the clinic left and a couple more had arrived from the group and mary turned and faced us and continued. When she was about finished, she still had about 4 verses to go through from Romans 1 (so i had gathered) the group leader, Paul, came and then Francis came back from where ever he had gone and he brought with him dina. As Mary finished and Paul and I added to it, a few more joined and we ended up being somewhere around 15 I think. I was so encouraged that they had not given up meeting together. I also saw that they had taken attendance at least three times while I was gone and an average of 8 young adults were showing up every week. Praise the Lord! After we finished the bible study portion it was around 6pm and I was ready to go home. However, Paul and Mary requested that we pray for the sick that were in the clinic. We've done it a couple times now and it's been quite a good time of reaching out. I said ok and we all entered into the first room. I walk in to see to men both sleeping, and appearing to be quite sick, they say with malaria, but it's aways malaria. there were three beds in this approximate 10' by 10' room and now we just added about 20 people. So needless to say the room was a little crowded. Then Paul tells me we will not talk to the patients since we shouldn't wake them because they probably need the rest. So we'll just pray for them while they sleep. Well, what better way to start prayer time then to sing a worship song. And 19 ugandans and 1 mzungu (me) aren't the quietest singers, for we love worshipping our God. Therefore, by the time we finished singing, the patients were mostly awake and probably wondering what the heck all of these people were doing in their room, and why wouldn't they just keep quiet or perhaps wondering if they were in heaven.... but i don't know that for sure. Because the patients had "conveniently" woken up, we were able to ask them if they knew Jesus and then pray with them to accept Him. One man I was told was too tired to speak, but I was assured that in his heart he accepted Jesus. (Don't know how this was known exactly, but the man was saying ebo (yes) and some other grunts and groans to certain questions...) And the other one prayed out loud to receive Christ. I pray that the Lord protects these seeds that were planted and these men come to know God in a real and intimate way. We concluded with more singing and then headed out the door. It was now about 6:20pm and I was again ready to go, but was informed there were more patients in the building behind. Yes, of course we could go and pray for them also. So we went behind and I was asked to pray for a lady who had a baby earlier that day while paul prayed for a sick young woman and everyone else would join us with their own prayers. While praying I heard another baby crying who sounded quite young, but I couldn't see him. Just after we finished praying a lady walked out holding a baby and Paul asked me to bless this one also. I walked over to the baby, pulled back the blanket and saw the hair was still matted with "stuff", I asked when was this baby born, they said, now-now, which would explain the other cry I had heard...don't worry this wasn't the mother holding the baby, but in about 5 minutes the mother did walk by and lay down by the baby. These women are tough. So everyone had been prayed for and we all walked out. While walking out Mary (in her very broken english) asked me if I could stop by her home on my way home to pick up some white ants (the termites that they love to fry and eat). She wanted to give them to me as a welcome back present. How could I say no? So I brought her and Dina and francis with me in the car. First we drove deeper into the bush to drop off dina, then swung by mary's to pick up the white ants and then i dropped off francis and then headed for home. I think I reached about 8pm with ants and mangos in tow. Now that's a long bible study. Though it was long, it was good. Please keep praying for this group called Alive With Purpose in Kamuda. They are hungry for the word. Pray that God would raise up leaders among them and that their community would be transformed by the Word of God.

Departure Q&A

As I sit in the airport awaiting departure...wow...a lot has happened in the last year. Will I be able to accurately articulate every detail, each story? No. Am I the same as when I left america some 361 days ago? no. i cannot be. can i describe the transformation that has occurred in my heart and in my mind? no. will people at home understand completely? no. how could they when i can't even understand for myself? Will i miss white ant paste? no. will i miss eating bush rat? no. will i survive in the fast lane, that is america? no.ok. yes, but it will be challenging. Will i get frustrated with my inability to express things and others inability to understand? yes. will i enjoy cheese again? yes. will i be able to safely drive a vehicle following all traffic laws in the US? no. do i feel i have done enough here? no. will it ever be enough? no. do I trust Jesus with the rest? yes. will i miss bible studies in kamuda on saturdays? yes. will i miss father heart weekends with former child soldiers? yes. will i long for the quiet and peacefulness of the village? yes. will i miss primary school pit latrines? no. will i miss visiting nuru in the market? yes. will i miss carrying nathan on my back as hellen and i ride our bikes from her home to mine? yes. will i miss teaching lydia? yes. ok, i think you get the picture. i will miss many things. however i'm only gone for 6 weeks. i'm more concerned with my time in the states. will i freeze up when i walk into the cereal aisle and find cereal as far as i can see in both directions? will i generally freeze as i adjust to sub-80 degree temps? will i visit everyone i want to and still find time for rest and recreation? will i hide in the corner or sleep underneath my bed? i could go on. The Lord only knows, and I'm thankful that I've learned to hand over each and every person to Jesus and thank Him as He lovingly walks beside them. I know He also is lovingly walking beside me and I'm so thankful for this past year. Oh the experiences. Lord help me to articulate, to understand, to process, to share, to love, to be patient and to experience your grace that is there for each day.

He's Waiting

I went to the market this afternoon for a few things. I greeted my friend Nuru as I always do when I go to market. For those of you who don't know, she is a m.sl.m and she is one of my friends here. She entered my life a few days after a teammate prayed that each of us on the team would come to know a m.sl.m by name so we could begin praying for them by name. She has become a friend, she helps me when ever i need to know the best place to buy something, she'll escort me around market. I help her sometimes giving her a ride in my car or on my bicycle. Anyway I keep sharing with her about Jesus, but she is not ready yet to give her life to Him. Today after I got my few items she was ready to go to prayers so I walked with her towards the m0sque. This is the second time in a week I've walked her to prayers. Man, it feels like I'm walking her to her other lover when I should be walking her to Christ. I think of God's jealous heart for His children and how He longs for each of them, and how they are His precious bride. And Nuru has the opportunity to come to Christ and experience his pure love, but now she's with another lover, one that will never satisfy, one that she could struggle her whole life to please and still die not knowing whether or not he accepts her. How I long for her to know the peace that surpasses understand, the easy yoke and light burden, the abundant life, the loving Father, His precious Son, and His Spirit within us! Please pray with me for her. She has become a good friend and my heart is burdened for her.

a "temporary" bridge story

So back on the 4th of March I headed to Sisiyi Falls with 4 guys from the village in Kamuda. This was the 4th such group that I've taken. Mostly on the way there the roads are ok. We travel on pavement (mostly with car-sized potholes) for about an hour and half, and then a marram (like dirt) road for the last 15min. Back in May or June of last year a bridge got washed out somehow on the marram road. They quickly made a temporary bridge out of wood mainly 4x4's for the support and 2x6's for the road portion. It would always sway a little but as we crossed but overall it felt pretty secure. I never really feared for my life. Anyway, this 4th of March trip was a little different. You see the original bridge had still not been rebuilt so the "temporary" bridge was still there. It had of course seen better days, and looked more like it had been patched together over the last couple months and I feared as we made our way closer. The boys in the back were also a bit concerned, but I said a quick prayer and crossed. We made it. We enjoyed our time at sisiyi falls. And then came sunday when we had to cross back over the "temporary" bridge. This time as we approached we saw some ladies who had been standing on the bridge walk slowly away, each lady carrying some small pieces of wood. (were they taking parts of the bridge for firewood?? I don't know) It made me a little more nervous, but we prayed and crossed again. Yes! Success. Now that brings me to this past weekend. This time our team was going to Sisiyi Falls for a two-day time of fun and refreshment together. I shared with Jennifer that I was thinking maybe we should all walk across the bridge and let the driver alone cross or something like that, because it didn't seem too secure last time I was there. But as we approached the bridge this time it looked good. Almost like the original "temporary" bridge before the patchwork. The other people on the team wondered why I was so concerned about this bridge when it looked so good. When we reached to sisiyi. I was talking to Margaret (she's a worker at Sisiyi Falls Garden). She told me that the day after we left last time, back in the beginning of March, a car went down with the bridge. She assured me that there were no casualties, at least immediately...and she went on to inform me that they just finished repairing the "temporary" bridge two or three days before we came this time. I'm thankful for the Lord's grace protecting us as we traveled that last time, when the bridge had only one day of life left in it. And I'm thankful it was repaired in time for us to come back. Now we wait maybe 3-6 months for the real bridge to be repaired...