Father Heart Weekend

So I've been a bit busy, but let me at least give you a picture of what my days have been holding. Two weeks ago I took a group of former child soldiers from Morungatuny to the Father Heart Encounter. Most of these youth were abducted in 2003 and have stayed in the bush from any length of time, from 1 day up to about 3 years. All are traumatized by the experience, no matter the length of time.

Even though most of their trauma happened many years ago, many still have fear and shame built up inside of them. Here's a picture one of the boys drew this last trip of himself before and after the Father Heart Encounter. At the top of the photo it says Alau Patrick is not feeling well because of the LRA War in Teso. And it says God is able on the left side:

And here's the after picture, on the top it says Alau Patrick is feeling well, on the left side it says God has saved me, and the right side it says, because God is able:

It's really amazing to see the transformation that happens in just three days of feeling and learning about God's Father love for them. These pictures help explain it a bit better than words.

Then I thought I would throw this next picture up also as after a 4.5hr bus ride from Jinja to Soroti, the youth loaded this truck for another two hour journey to their home sub-county, and then some live another hour's walk from the sub-county headquarters where they will be dropped by the truck. It's a long journey. This is them as they loaded on to the truck. They were still surprisingly happy. The guy in the bottom right of the picture is a local salesman trying to sell Passion Juice to the travelers.

the Grace of God

I was flipping through my journal and came across an entry on the 9th and I felt I should share it here. I'm learning to listen to God as I pray, asking Him questions and waiting quietly for the answer. I was asking Him about all of the children affected by armed forces that I'm working with, regarding next steps and just generally not sure how I can best disciple them all. Anyway, His response was as follows, I hope it can encourage you as it encouraged me. "Grace and peace to you. You have My life in you, you have My words, you know I am always with you, you know I go before you and behind you. Surely I am gracious to you and my people. I am the one who will captivate the people, I am the captivator of hearts. I'm the one who draws them to myself. I'm capable, I'm sovereign, nothing is out of my grasp. Do three things, short bible study, worship me, intercede for one another and intercede for the children who have been and still are being abducted. I will give you the story to share each month. Don't mind. Leaders will emerge. I am drawing My people to Myself, My will, will be done. The light will pierce the darkness and the darkness must flee. Cling to the light. Cling to my Son Jesus, cling to Me, to my Spirit and you can not be led astray. Surely I know the plans I have for you, to prosper you and not to harm you. You will fail, but I will not. So don't worry, don't give any room for doubt or fear, they have NO PLACE with my children, for I am bigger and stronger than any evil. I am drawing my people to myself. Don't mind. I can be trusted. I am working all things out for the good of my church and my glory. Trust me beloved. Trust my heart for you, for my people. I'm in love with you, with my people. My heart is good toward you. Delight yourself in me, as I delight myself in you. Surely goodness will follow you. I long to give you the desires of my heart. I long to give you everything you want, but I know what is best for you." and my response could only be, Lord I am not worthy, you make me worthy, you make me able to receive from you, apart from you I have nothing. nothing. nothing. I bless your holy, holy, holy Name.

Precious Betty

Maybe you've heard me mention a girl called Betty before. She's 12, her mother lives in the village with a new "husband" and her father tells her that she is not his daughter. She stays with her grandmother and two brothers and her sister in town here. Her grandma has no income except by begging, and she drinks, she lies, and she used to beat them (but she's getting too lold now) All this to say, Betty's had a pretty rough 12 years of life already. She's in the equivalent of maybe 3rd grade, but she should be in maybe 5th or 6th. But she can't read, well, she's trying to learn. And I must say she's getting better. We think she has some learning disabilities, maybe dyslexia or something of that nature. She often comes to our house after school, I used to get annoyed at her always being around asking for food and things, but then God reminded me about myself at that age. When I would come home from school my mom would always be there giving me a snack and listening to my day. I realized she had no one to do that for her. I realized I needed to listen to Betty like I was her mother. She needs that figure in her life right now and she just doesn't have anyone else to fill the role currently. Anyway, today I was listening to her talk about her day at school. She said today she's bothered by the kids at school. One boy today called her stupid and said she was good for nothing. She said it made her cry. It almost made me cry hearing it from her. She said she just kept quiet and then told the boy that what he said hurt her feelings and then the boy kept quiet. She said after that she kept thinking about what he said, and how she was stupid and good for nothing, but then something occurred to her, she remembered that God has a purpose and plan for her life. She remembered that He created her the way He did for a purpose. She then began feeling ok again. Praise God! Shortly later we spent time praying together thanking God for speaking to her like that and asking Him to continue to encourage her heart and draw her closer. I was so proud of her. When I first met her I know she would have just beat the boy up or shouted something else mean back at him. God is softening her heart, and I feel so honored to be a part of sharing His heart for her with her.

If only...

Today I went out to an area to mobilize some youth because it's their turn to go for the Father-Heart weekend. We reached the pastor who was going to do the mobilizing of the youth. He began looking over the list of youth that we wanted to send. I was glad to hear that many of them are in school, but as he reached the bottom of the list, he said, oh this one, he can't go, he's in prison. He went on to share that the boy killed his mother's husband. Apparently the husband had beat the wife bad enough to send her to the hospital, the boy became angry and went and killed the husband. What a shock! As we pulled away I just kept thinking, if only we had taken this boy to the Father-Heart weekend earlier, would this have happened then? Now this young man could spend the rest of his life in prison... If only he would have learned that his heavenly Father loves him so much. If only he could have learned the power of forgiveness and love. If only, if only, if only...now I picture him sitting locked up, a dark, hot room, dirty, over-crowded, if only, if only...

It reminded me of the importance of what we're doing with these youth, God is literally saving their lives as they learn about His love for them and about forgiveness and grace. And as for this young man, I know the Lord is able to redeem any restore any person. So...instead of saying 'if only, if only' I am praying for him, that the Lord would meet him there in prison, he would learn about that love and forgiveness and he would be free-er than ever even, while he's locked up.

Bless the Lord!

This morning I was surprised by the blessing that came to me through the reading of 1 Chronicles 29:10-20. It's one of those books I've only read thoroughly a couple of times and so when Kay Arthur said to read those verses (I'm doing a bible study that is by her), to be honest I wasn't expecting much...and then I was hit by... "Yours, O LORD, is the GREATNESS and the POWER and the GLORY and the VICTORY and the MAJESTY, for ALL that is in the HEAVENS and in the EARTH is yours." Wow. We serve a big, big God. Then David goes on, "Both RICHES and HONOR come from you, and you rule over all. In your hand are POWER and MIGHT, and in your hand it is to MAKE GREAT and GIVE STRENGTH to all." David had just finished giving tons of gold and silver and bronze and copper and timber and other stuff for the building for the house of God, also upon asking the other Israelites to also give what they could for the building of the house of God, the Israelites also gave willingly. Instead of complaining and saying, oh man, why do i have to give this stuff for the God's house David and the Israelites bless the LORD and praise Him for the opportunity. what?? "But who am I, and what is my people, that we should be able thus to offer willingly? For all things come from You, and of Your own we have given You." and again he says, "O LORD our God, all this abundance that we have provided to build You a house for Your holy Name, it is from Your hand, and all is Yours." There it is...There's the key. David recognizes that all of the stuff they gave to God, came from Him in the first place...why do I always forget that??? I feel happy with myself when I just give 10% back to Him, like I'm doing Him some kind of favor...Lord help me to give willingly and thankfully...

The other thing that I felt challenged by this morning as I read, was that I AM A TEMPLE FOR THE LIVING GOD. How well have I prepared, and kept myself as a house for my God? David says, "I know, my God, that you test the heart and have pleasure in uprightness. In the uprightness of my heart I have freely offered all these things, and now I have seen your people, who are present here, offering freely and joyously to you." Do I offer my God an upright heart? Do I offer Him myself freely and joyously? David goes on to pray for himself and his people, "keep forever such purposes and thoughts in the hearts of your people, and direct their hearts toward you." I prayed with David this morning that God would help me to have a heart continually surrendered, freely and joyfully, for the habitation of my GREAT, POWERFUL, GLORIOUS, VICTORIOUS, MAJESTIC, RICH, HONORABLE, and MIGHTY KING. Bless the Lord with me today! This GREAT, POWERFUL, GLORIOUS, VICTORIOUS, MAJESTIC, RICH, HONORABLE, and MIGHTY KING chooses to reside in the hearts of His people, in you and me. wow.

observations at a Mslm funeral

Jules*, so tough, yet so loyal, faithfully carrying her friend Natalie out of the mourning room, laying her on a matt and then settling herself just behind her friend, ready to serve her however she could next. Mama Natalie giving her daughter local medicine for grieving and ripping off branches and leaves to carefully hold over her grieving daughter, protecting her from the sun. It was Sara who had first came and called for Jules and Molly to carry Natalie out. The big sister caring for her follower, carefully watching over her. Molly, another seemingly tough one, and yet I find her crying at just the sight of others crying, she weeps with those who weep....but don't mess with her or her friends. 4 guys pass by carrying one women who is beside herself with grief, and shortly after another unconscious griever gets carried by. This is serious weeping, weeping with no hope, no assurance. The two Mary's keep quiet, ready to do what needs to be done, go get a matt, go get medicine for headache, go get whatever, and it's done. They don't know what happens when someone does. Do they go to heaven or hell or what?

Natalie grieved very hard. What started as gentle tears and soft gasps worked up into violent heaves and streaming tears. Unable to remove herself from before the body, this is when her faithful sister called for help with transport. Does she grieve because she's regretted things in the past? Grieve because her two young children are now fatherless, and she herself a widow at 33 years old? Grieve because she still loved the man though they had been separated for a couple years? Grieve because a young man's life was cut short, what had started with such potential ended so suddenly, Hepatitis took this man's life, slowly and yet so sudden. Does she grieve as one that missed the chance to share the Good News, having herself not committed to the Good News? Will she one day weep at the foot of the cross? I wish I could understand the language, speak the language. I wish I could offer words of encouragement, but as far as I know this man is in hell. And now it's too late. Maybe it's better that I can't communicate so well. Now the rain has started, somehow the way Natalie began crying, slowly, quietly and then increasing in volume and intensity. Our Lord is crying with her. Weeping with those who weep. He wants to give her hope. He wants her to know just how close He is, just how much He cares. He wants to reveal to her there's a better way. Oh Lord, let nothing hinder her heart from becoming fully devoted to you. A lady comes in late. Crying, shouting, what's she shouting? she's shouting, "What has the dead left for me?" Seems selfish.

*no real names were used, though the experience was all too real.

angry and afraid=unwilling and distant

I've been back in Uganda now for nearly a month, but have only spent something like 5 days, maybe 6, in soroti. After I first arrived in Soroti, a few days later Jennifer (my housemate/teammate) became quite sick with malaria and had some other symptoms we weren't sure about so we went to kampala and jinja totaling being gone about a week. Then upon reaching soroti once again i had some 3 days before heading with a group of youth from the village, who have been affected by armed forces, to Jinja for a Father Heart Encounter weekend. After that weekend, I've stayed in Jinja for another week to help out that ministry (mto-moyoni.org) by staying on the compound while the two leaders went to go do a training in Holland. Besides doing one bible study in the village and one father heart weekend I feel I haven't done much ministry since returning. i'm itching to get back to soroti and being able to follow up with youth again. But while staying at Mto Moyoni I know the Lord has some things to teach me and I am enjoying spending some much needed alone time with Him. hmm...this is already longer than i thought it would be...oh well...so...I realized when I first started staying here I was avoiding time with my Father for some reason. I couldn't tell what it was, but I would do anything but get quiet with Him. I finally realized what I was doing and began asking Him to point out what the deal was? What thing had happened, or what was I thinking that I wanted to keep Him at a distance. We made some headway, over the next couple days I'm happy to say, but I think it was a compilation of many things. Anyway, this morning during my quiet time I was doing a bible study on David by Beth Moore and some of her cronies. She was taking me to the time just after Uzzah touches the ark of the Covenant, trying to steady it from falling off the cart, and God kills him. Here they were having great celebration bringing the ark, the very Presence of God back to their own people, and then God has to go and do something like kill the guy who was only trying to help. (but they shouldn't have been carrying it on a cart in the first place, but that's for another day...) Needless to say "Then David was angry because the LORD’s wrath had broken out against Uzzah" (2 sam 6:8) and David was afraid of the LORD that day and said, “How can the ark of the LORD ever come to me?” (9) and so, "He was not willing to take the ark of the LORD to be with him in the City of David. Instead, he took it to the house of Obed-Edom the Gittite" (10).

David was angry at God for what He had done and also afraid of Him and so he wanted to keep him at a distance. I think we could say he was offended by God somehow. I've never done this before, and I'm sure you haven't either....right... actually we do it all the time. God showed me through this bible study that that was how I was behaving. Some how He had offended me, i became angry and afraid of Him and decided to keep Him at a distance because it seemed safer that way...But like David was a man after God's heart, I want to be a woman after His heart. "Now King David was told, “The LORD has blessed the household of Obed-Edom and everything he has, because of the ark of God.” So David went to bring up the ark of God from the house of Obed-Edom to the City of David with rejoicing"(12). When David saw how being near God was a good thing, how it brought blessing, when he was reminded of God's faithfulness and goodness he longed again to be near God. And was again rejoicing as the presence of God came near. So today our loving Father was encouraging me to not get offended by the things He causes to happen, or allows to happen that don't make sense to me...instead...draw near. For it is our nearness to Him that is our good. God wants to be near to us, to struggle through things with us, but are we not willing? Let's be willing, He longs for us to return to Him with our whole heart. Thank you Father for this loving reminder to me this morning and forgive me for being offended by You, and thank you Beth Moore for serving the Lord through providing this study of scripture.