thank you for brokenness

alright, here goes nothing. I am in Oregon now enjoying time with friends and family. But something is happening that is a bit strange. I keep running into my old stuff and it reminds me. I don't think I've written about this before and not many ask me about it, perhaps for fear of forcing me to be too vulnerable, but I think it's time to share where I'm at these days. Back in 2007 I was engaged to be married to a great man, in oregon. At that time I felt God confirming, that yes, this was the man, this was the time, everything. Then about a month before the wedding, we had to call it off. My fiance, was having second thoughts and didn't want to go through with it. I cried out to God, wondering how I could feel so strongly that this is what He called me to, and yet now He was letting it all fall apart. Didn't He care? Didn't He see I was being obedient and He was taking my heart and smashing it to pieces, rather than blessing me for my obedience? What was going on? I had to keep going back to Him asking Him so many things, and He had no answers, but He kept comforting my heart saying, trust Me. I'm not going to lie, it was difficult to try to trust Him after that, but by His grace and His mercy I slowly began trusting Him again.
The story is much longer (on our drive back home to michigan my sister and I totaled the car when we blew a tire and spun across the highway 7 miles shy of nevada, still so many miles from michigan) but I don't want to drag this out. As I remember all of this, I remember the way my Loving Father provided for me as I came home, calling me to come out of this wilderness leaning on Him alone. He provided for me a good job and when others were being let go, I was getting raises. If you've read my blog before, you'll know that somehow, by the grace of God I ended up in Uganda, serving alongside my Savior, pouring into broken hearts the Healing Water that only He can bring. And when I see here in Oregon what was my shower curtain, or my cups, my lamps (I could only fit so many things into my little honda, so I left non-necessities with friends) I wonder, where I would be if I did get married and where I am now instead. I realize I wouldn't be where I am and I love where I am. So I've come to this place where I can honestly say "Thank you, Loving Father, for caring for me so intimately, for loving me so well, for suffering with me, for rejoicing with me, thanks for allowing my heart to become softer and not bitter, and giving great friends to walk alongside me. Thank you for a broken engagement and a broken heart that has driven me deeper into you, that has caused me to know you in a way I've never known you before, that has caused me to feel love like I've never felt before. Surely you can redeem and restore the darkest of moments. Surely you cannot do one unfaithful thing. Surely you cry with your children and draw them nearer still. Thank you, thank you Dad."